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LORD BANTAM 



/ had forgot one half, I do protest. 
And now arn sent again to speak the rest. 



LORD BANTAM 



A SATIRE 



AUTHOR OF "GINX'S BABY" 



AUTHOR'S EDITION 



^ *^ 




NEW YORK 
GEORGE ROUTLEDGE & SONS 

416 BROOME STREET 
1872 



CONTENTS. 



PART I. 



HOW HE CAME INTO THE WORLD. 



I. Delicate Announcements 

II. Preliminaries . 

III. A Land Slip . 

IV. A Son . 

V, The First Accident 



PAGE 
I 

3 

9 

IS 

i6 



PART II. 

HOW HE CAME TO BE LORD BANTAM. 

I. A Human Feeding Bottle . . . . . . iS 

II. Passages from a Diary , , . . . . .21 

III. Academic Groves ........ 29 

IV. A Young Aristocrat 31 

PART III. 

HOW HE LEARNED HIS LETTERS. 

I. Words versus Wit .....'... 35 

II. Digression. Benevolently dedicated to American Readers 37 

III. A Juvenile Tourist and Author . ... -3^ 

IV. A Scotch Tutor 42 

V. Catholicism ......... 54 

VI. Agape .......... (j2 

VII. Human sympathy in its influence on Catholicity . .64 

VIII. At the University 67 

IX. The Radish Club 69 

X. The Essenes 70 

PART IV. 



HOW HE CAME TO YEARS OF DISCRETION AND OTHERWISE. 

I. Citizen Bantam ........ 75 

II. A Rank Communist . . ..... 73 

III. A School for fledging Nobles 82 

IV. A Proletarian Compliment • ^''5 

V. Newspaper Moralizers . . . .... 95 

VI. Economic Notes ........ 97 

VII. The Seat for Briggshire 103 

VIII. A Startling Lecture 107 



CONTENTS, 



PART V. 

HOW HE BECAME A LEGISLATOR. 



I. 

II. 

III. 

IV. 

V. 

VI. 

VII. 

VIII. 

IX. 
X. 

XI. 

XII. 

XIII. 

XIV. 

XV. 

XVI. 

XVII. 

XVIll. 



I. 

II. 

III. 

IV. 

V. 

VI. 



I. 

II. 

III. 

IV. 

V. 

VI. 

VII. 

VIII. 

IX. 

X. 

XJ. 



Preliminaries ...... 

Diversities of Operations .... 

Taking no part in it . 

Fencing . . ..... 

Party Tactics ...... 

Marching Orders ..... 

Too much of a good thing .... 

The Placard Trick 

A Fogj' Candidate ..... 

Canvassing lor Election .... 

Can\'assing Extraordinary .... 

Inconvenient Result of Popular Reform 

Explosion — ^of a totally new Fulminating Agent 

Th.e Press express their Opmion . 

In Parliament , . "... 

Disaster to a Prig Ministry 

The Claims of Society on its Gods 

The Nobilitv ...... 



P.VRT VI. 

HOW HE EMBRACED THE ECLECTIC RELIGION, 
Society — at large 
The Women's Society . 
The Eclectic Religion . 
Eclecticism in Raptures 
By Civil Contract 
An Eclectic Synnxisdum 

PART VII. 

HOW HE COQIETTLD WITH THE PROLET.ARIAT 
Reductio ad .absurdmn of Philosophic theories 
The Creed of Party 
Parliamentary Conscience 
Stirring up the Church 
Transmontane Plots 
A Willing Sacritice 
Tnuismontane Reformers 
A New Ch;uter . 
Death and Sunshine 
Parly zrrsus Principles 
A Constitutional Crisis 

PART VIII. 

HOW HE CAME TO HIS ESTATE. 
The Ruling: Passion strong in Death 



PAGE 

114 

iiS 

121 

127 
129 

133 
135 
J3S 

144 

146 

149 

154 
156 

159 

161 
162 

166 

169 



174 
179 

iSS 
192 

197 
201 



20S 
209 
214 
216 
21S 
2^9 
221 
221 
224 
223 



^36 



PART I. 

HOW HE CAME INTO THE WORLD. 
I. — Delicate Announcements. 

On the fifth day of April, a.d. i8 — , the following an- 
nouncement appeared in the Piccadilly Journal : 

Sons. 
Ffowlsmere, Countess of, on the ist inst, at 20, Hiton 
Place. 

The excitement created by the event thus dryly and sta- 
tistically chronicled was not confined to the distinguished 
lady and the little individual of the species under which he 
was classified. In Lord Ffowlsmere's noble breast, in that 
general bosom which every Englishman's family is said to 
possess, and in the society wherein the Earl and Countess 
of Ffowlsmere were distinguished political leaders, the birth 
thus baldly scheduled sent a thrill of unusual feeling. 

There is nothing wonderful in the birth of a son, even 
among the higher aristocracy when married ; why, then, may 
some inquisitive person ask, should there be any rare ex- 
citement when to Lady Ffowlsmere happened so common- 
place an accident ? So might I, along with several million 
compatriots of the Ffowlsmere family have inquired, who 
were not sufficiently high-bred to know the causes that agi- 
tate the inner circles of society : and, as a fact, we should 



LORD BANTAM. 



have been as ignorant of tlie trepidation as of its reason, 
had not the Piccad'iUy Journal printed a few days after the 
advertisement tine following paragraph : 

" We understand that the Countess of Ffowlsmere is progressing 
very favorably since the birth of a son on the ist instant. It is a cu- 
rious fact that her ladyship's last child, the present Lord Bantam, and 
heir to the jieerage, w;is born so far back as June, iS — , a period of 
nearly nineteen years." 

This delicate intimation awakened in my mind an inter- 
est in the fate of the boy who seemed to have been bom 
out of time, and from that day to this I have closely followed 
the changes of his history. My original curiosity was to 
ascertain how Earl Ffowlsmere would deal with the editor 
of the Piccadilly Journal or of the medical review, from 
which the information had been clipped, but he appeared to 
have been too indifferent or too haughty to horsewhip those 
egregious prigs. The information, however, having come 
to me through this public channel, I am entitled to use it. 
The disclosure in question amply accounts for much emo- 
tion on the part of tlie Earl and Countess of Ffowlsmere, 
and a very pretty gossip tliroughout the vast bounds of their 
acquaintanceship. 

I have rather reflected on the Piccadilly Journal, but I 
will report a conversation, overheard about the same time 
at the Hon. ISfrs. Trippety's ball. The personages were 
none other than I.ady Eaton, Mrs. Everard Chesham, and 
those cliarming girls die two Misses Du Pont. 

Mrs. Chesham. Have you heard the news? O, so 
funny ! Lady Ffowlsmere has a son. 



PRELIMINARIES. 



Laura Du Poxt. O, nonsense, dear Mrs. Cheshani. 
You must be mistaken. Why, Lord Bantam is over 
eighteen, and there are no other children. It's quite impos- 
sible. 

Mrs. Chesham. Hush, dear, you don't know what's 
possible or impossible. I'm sure it's true, because our 
carriage drove over the straw as we came here to-night. 

Lady Mary Eaton (convinced by this evidence). I'm 
afraid it is true ; but really, is it not most extraordinary ! 
If I were Lady Ffowlsmere, I could never show my face in 
London again. Why, it's really shocking ! It's like a loosis 
— loosis — 

Mrs. Chesham. Ndtura, dear ; you oughtn't to try 
Latin words, you know. But, indeed, that expresses ex- 
actly what it ought to be called — poor thing ! 

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. 

If the female part of society was scandalized by the frank 
announcement in the Piccadilly Journal, the Editor, for his 
part, might have retorted on the ladies, that his knowledge 
of society afforded him ground to believe himself, as re- 
garded that, quite en rapport with them. 

* 
II. — Preliminaries. 

How Lady Ffowlsmere' s baby came into the world is a 
matter involving, on my part, such sacred and even translu- 
nary knowledge, that I almost fear, if I proceed to divulge 
the facts, I shall either lose credit with everyone for truth- 



LORD BANTAM 



fulness, or be suspected of some Satanic means of informa- 
tion. 

The common bantling of ^Irs. Ginx may come into the 
world widi somewhat rough concomitancy of circumstances, 
but what are the happy accidentia of a birth like that of 
Lady Ffowlsmere's baby? 

As to Lady Ffowlsmere herself, she was the subject of 
nine months' astonishment. She looked at young Lord 
Bantam when he came home from Winton with sensations of 
awkward wonder. How long ago it seemed since he was 
little baby Bantam, laughing and coughing in her young 
ladvsiiip's lap. Now, after a pause of nineteen years, after 
she had buried the hopes of rejuvenescent motherhood, 
when she had thrown herself with rare ability and finesse 
into political intrigue, and had become the social head of the 
feminine Prig clique — now, when she was almost regarded as a 
state5///<?A/, or, at all events, as a most noble, most charming, 
but confirmed political intriguante^ here, by a ridiculous ac- 
cident, she was obliged to await an event which she knew 
would make her the laughing-stock of society. I am bound 
to believe that she never spent so uncomfortable a nine 
months in her life. 

None the less needful was it to prepare for the coming 
trouble in tnie aristocratic fashion. 

Ever)' morning at eleven, for sLx months, Sir Samuel Horn- 
bill, F.R.C.S., whose distinguished services to royalty in dif- 
ticulties had procured him honors not to be won in any other 
medical or surgical field, visited her ladyship and chatted 



PRELIMINARIES, 



with her for ten minutes, while she, enveloped in a rich 
Cashmere robe, took chocolate out of an elegant Dresden 
service, presented by as pretty a little maid as ever distressed 
a footman's heart. Later in the day, her ladyship took an 
airing. Gillow, the coachman, was instructed to drive with 
double caution, and above all to avoid taking her ladyship 
in the direction of any street row, monster or accident. It 
was the groom's special duty to keep on the watch for ex- 
traordinary instances of deformity or ugliness on either side 
of the way, and to warn the maid, who forthwith diverted 
her ladyship's attention until they were past the dangerous 
object. One thing of which the Countess had a rooted dis- 
like was red hair. The most disagreeable relation of her 
husband's family was a red-headed Marquis, and him she 
hated so cordially that his hair could scarcely escape her re- 
sentment. Blinks, therefore — whose own locks were snow- 
white with floury filth — was strictly cautioned not to permit 
a carrot-head, aristocratic or plebeian, to come within the 
range of his mistress's vision. Poor Blinks ! He was sit- 
ting on the box one day, at the corner, when that pretty 
Jemima Mosely, the undernurse at Lord Evergood's, was 
passing with the little lords and ladies out for an airing, and 
never saw the fiery locks of the Marquis of Arran, who, rec- 
ognizing the carriage, actually rode up to the wheel, and, 
uncovering his orange-tawny pate, bowed it portentously 
forward almost in the Countess's lap. Lady Ffowlsmere, 
giving a little shriek, buried her face in her handkerchief. 
The Marquis thought she had gone mad, and went off blaz- 



LORD BANTAM. 



ing like a turkey cock. Blinks, after handing the Countess 
up the steps at Hiton Place, packed his clothes and left 
without waiting for his wages or any formal excommunica- 
tion. He felt like a man who had committed murder. 

The children of rank and wealth are taken care of before 
tliey are born. What are we to expect of the babes whose 
mothers carry ihem where awful, devil-features abound, and 
where grotesqueries of Hell are the environments of their 
daily life ? 

For months before the arrival of Lady Ffowlsmere's baby, 
her ladyship was dangerously excited about his natalia. 
Almost daily the carriage went to WiUiams's, whose shop 
windows are a perfect and open instruction to any observant 
bachelor in all the mysteries of feminine or infantine equip- 
ment. 

— Ah ! I well remember how one day sauntering in Re- 
gent street I saw my lovely little cousin Angela in her pretty 
brougham drive up to such a shop, with its white-lined win- 
dows there before me, and that mysterious word Layettes 
in gilded characters upon the cornice, and I, awkward idiot 
that I was, stood talking, and never saw the changing pinks 
upon the sweet young face, and even begged she would let 
me be her groom for the nonce, and hand her to the coun- 
ter ; and she, how perplexed she was, and how shy, and she 
said she thought she would not stay there just now, she had 
just driven to the j)avement to see me — the little story- 
teller ! — and how I, a few days after, lounging over the 
Otimes at the club, saw the announcement of her first infant, 



PRELIMINARIES 



and, as I recalled the scene, the shop, the embarrassment, 
my great coarse face and ears grew red and hot with shame, 
that I should have been so thick a fool ! I reverenced her 
ever after for that true, godly touch of shy innocence, and 
everywhere I see it I recognize it as a pure relic of Eden. — 

But I come back to Williams's. In the midst of white 
and colored robes de jour et de nuit, was a bust of a Royal 
Princess, fitted with an exquisitely-shaped corset of blue 
satin edged with ermine. Other nameless shadows of form, 
elaborately fine, were arranged in suggestive positions. 
Why in ordinary life it should be considered right to conceal 
such pretty mysteries beneath conventional robes, yet pro- 
per to expose them to every rude gaze in this manner, has 
long been to me a matter of speculation. It is useless to 
say that the stronger half of creation should shut its eyes to 
what is put under its noses. Is there any necessity for the 
exposure ? Our old English prudery — now, alas ! fast dying 
out — and it was a grand, dignified, purific sentiment, used 
to be based on this : to avoid by look or gesture, by hint or 
display anything however distantly exciting the imagination 
in a wrong direction. It was a point of training with our 
mothers and grandmothers and the society they adorned. 

" Mais ! nous avons change tout cela ! " cries Mrs. Cro- 
quet, and we all admit she is a charming woman. "We are 
no longer afraid to call a spade a spade ; and I am happy 
to say my daughters are strong-minded enough to read, or 
see, or say anything without the slightest sense of impropriety. 
Laura made a speech tlie other day for the hospital for 



LORD BANTAM, 



lying-in women, and went into the whole question of the 
reasons for their being there ; and every one was astounded 
at her freedom from the silly restraints of conventional de- 
corum. Evil be to him that evil thinks. To the pure, all 
things are pure. What a man can do, a woman may. I 
have no notion of your dainty decency. It often serves for 
a mere cover to impurity." 

Dear Madam ! I wish your apophthegms were relevant 
and true ; I wish your theories were consistent with the facts 
of human nature ! I have seen rare girls demoralized, nay 
lost by association with foul ideas ; and God forbid n)y little 
daughter, whose tender freshness is the most piquant joy of 
my life, whose jealously guarded simplicity is my daily bur- 
den and hope, should ever come to know more than she 
does of the unnameable, or, as a matter of moral pride, 
unsex herself to win what I can only call a foul and tawdry 
admiration. 

This though is a sheer digression from Lady Ffowlsmere's 
preparations. These were extensive enough to have stocked 
a bazaar. Robes miraculously embroidered, mantlets 
trimmed with ermine, long go\vns and short coats, night 
dresses and day frocks, flannels decorated with herring-bone 
stitch, diminutive — but there, I need not schedule every- 
thing. The coming little Bantam, male or female, had a 
wardrobe of clothes before it drew breath. In the North of 
Ireland a christening-robe was being embroidered to cost a 
hundred guineas. 

The bassinet was a picture. Messrs. Jackson and Gra- 



A LAND SLIP, 



ham lavished upon its production all their classic skill. It 
was a white and gold shell, swung by gilded cords from two 
Italian pillars, and was, they slyly informed her ladyship, in 
the purest Re-naissance style. Delicate sky-silk hangings 
subdued by the finest muslin drooped round the shell ; and 
the Countess used to go and hang over it, and wonder what 
little form would press the downy bed and satin-like pillow. 

* 

III— A Land Slip. 

The Earl of Ffowlsmere was one of the wealthiest men in 
the three kingdoms, His possessions in agricultural coun- 
ties, in mineral districts, in the metropolis — not to mention 
half the vast manufacturing town of Ironchester — were so 
enormous and their returns so lucrative, that the public may 
be forgiven for attributing to him fabulous riches, and enter- 
taining itself with calculations that every second of the day 
or night the Earl was receiving a sum equivalent to a re- 
spectable man's salary for a year. 

A clever ancestor of the Earl, duly encouraged and 
assisted by the laws of these realms, happening, by good 
luck to him, to possess land that grew in great request for 
the houses of a pushing population, had been able to grant 
leases of it to various tenants for just ninety-nine years. In 
effect, this was to keep* the real ownership of the land in 
abeyance while two or perhaps three generations lived and 
died, and then, long after the clever old man was in his 
grave, to cause the immensely enhanced freehold to fall in 



lO LORD E AXTAM 



to a person he had never seen, and whom he could only 
prophetically and vaguely designate as tlie next heir of 
some one. It was the merest " fluke," — if I may use a 
felicitous vulgarism — that tlie Earl of Ffowlsmere's father 
happened to be that fortunate next heir. He had done or 
conceived of nothing on earth to entitle him to take a vast 
property, a noble name, a place in the legislature of the 
country, the right of nominating a hundred clerg)- to as 
many i>erishing flocks ; all that fell upon him simply by 
fate and the custom of England. In defiance of economy, 
the land was locked up for those ninety -nine years from 
public enterprise and general exchange. Xo one could 
build on it anything but what >\-as i^ermitted by the terms of 
the leases. One term, for instance, had been that no shops 
were to be opened upon the land. No shops were or could 
be opened, and the line of healthy trade \\-as blocked out of 
a large area to be sent winding about in neighboring slums 
and byways. No churches other than those of the estab- 
lishment were to be erected within the sacred precincts. 
Hence ever}- dissenter who lived there was forced to wor- 
ship, like a lejier in Israel, " without the camp." The 
natural and legitimate changes which jxiss over such areas 
in great cities — the transformation of dwellings into places 
of business, or of moderate houses into palaces, in fact, 
every concomitant of natural progress was balked in this 
district by the ninety-nine-year leaseholds. Progress had to 
jxiss over and round it, and at great inconvenience to find 
ox^xmsion farther off. It is scarcely |K)ssible to trace out 



A LAND SLIP, 



with fulness the vicious effects of the law vinder which such 
a prescription was legal. I low it locked up for years from 
public competition, from healthy and beneficent activity of 
exchange, hundreds ufion hundreds of properties ; how it 
restrained — as we have seen — the uses to which the projier- 
ties might have been put ; how it limited the number of 
persons in the community that could possibly gain livelihood 
or profit from the existence of the land ; how it affected the 
character and architecture of the buildings erected on the 
soil ; how, in fact, the tendency of this arrangement was to 
diminish in a certain proportion for every man in England 
die chances — chances that have an important influence upon 
the enterprise and vigor of the greater number of people in 
a state — of acquiring landed property. In fact, it is no un- 
truth to say that the State had permitted this old peer, in 
common with half a hundred more, to rob posterity of pos- 
sibilities of action and advantage to which it was righteously 
entitled. 

I have said it was by the merest fluke that the present 
IvOrd Ffowlsmere's fatlier happened to be the person de- 
scribed as the next heir. But it is some compensation 
to know that he was the very person whom the vener- 
able grantor of leases, had he been alive, would have given 
his eyes not to see in possession. It happened in this wise. 

Earl Ffowlsmere, fifth Earl, Ji^d issue by CaroHne his 
wife, a son and a daughter. Son married the Hon. Lucinda 
Lucretia Bella De Lancey, daughter of Nugent-Nugent, 
Earl of Foswick, by whom he had issue three sons — I need 



la L O R D B A X T A M 



not name them, for they all died unmarried and there was 
an end of that line, ^^"hile they were living and dying, the 
reversions of all the leases made by the fifth Earl were hov- 
ering about in the clouds, waiting to descend and light down 
on a certain day in a certain ye;ir upon any one who was so 
fortunate as to be properly in the way. 

The only daughter of Caroline, Countess of Ffowlsmere, 
made a sad mistake, for she fell in love with the ga\-est and 
h.uidsomest man in the army. Captain Harrow of the — th 
Hussars, ran away with him and married him at Gretna Green. 
WTiereupon the Earl cursed her and hers, and forbade her his 
presence for evermore. Should he j^erchance have readied 
heaven his aristocratic wish may deprive ixxmt Honoria of 
the jo}*s of Paradise ; should he have gone elsewhere she 
may not altc^ther regret tlie proscription. Captain Harrow 
found that he could not keep both his family and his regi- 
ment, so he sold out. Even* year Honoria presented him 
with a diminutive finesh Harrow, and this d^o^■e him to tr>- his 
fortunes in trade — the wine trade. A dragoon in the wine 
trade is a fish in the water, but certainly not in his proper 
el^nent ; and poor Captain Harrow, tasting too fireely of his 
Tt'sures, lost by d^rees his fine gendeman's manner, his 
dear manly voice, his moulded features, his gallant honor — 
and fell : no matter where. Honoria would never own the 
change in her heart" s man, and shut from her vision the 
sickly sense of it.tliat often came o\-er her. She would 
lo\'e him all the same : and when at last hard want enjoined 
it. she worked from wUow mora to dusky eve, away up in 



A LAND SLIP. 



a sky pent-house, toiled and kept a dying man ^vith the 
craving children for months and months, with the energy of 
those white, blue-coralled lingers, till even the hag who 
kept the house and exacted the rent grew sorry and sympa- 
thetic. So on, so on, till one day Harrow died. Then 
Honoria broke down, and lay there stony-hearted, stony- 
looking, by the body — lay while the children wondered that 
papa and mamma did not move or talk. The woman sent 
away to a well-known association to say that a man had died 
and a woman was dying in her house. By some God's 
chance, there came a General, interested in the society, who 
volunteered to investigate the case. When he took the 
face-cloth from the dead man's face he recognized an early 
friend. Within a few hours Honoria opened her eyes on a 
comfortable room, pervaded with warmth such as she had 
not felt about her for many a day, a soft bed, and her chil- 
dren transformed, smiling at the transformation. A few 
hundred pounds collected from former friends of her hus- 
band — the old Earl would do nothing — placed her in a 
country town where there was a free school. There she 
decently brought up her children and there she died. Her 
eldest boy married a pretty damsel, daughter of a not over 
rich vicar, and following his father's example, surrounded 
himself with little shoots. His son and heir became a 
schoolmaster, who taking a fancy to a decent housekeeper 
at the neighboring park, also married and maintained the 
Bantam line. Imagine the surprise of this worthy couple, 
always proud of the tradition of their descent, but hopeful 



14 LORDBANTAM, 



of no good from it, when one day a breathless attorney 
rushes by train into the town, with rapid and distracted 
inquiries finds them out, and informs them, listening agliast, 
that Master Eugene George Augustus Harrow, aged ten, is 
heir to unlimited estates, and will be the richest man in the 
three kingdoms ! For the ninety-nine year leases were 
shortly to fall in, and the reversion was to descend upon the 
very last person whom the fifth Earl would have wished 
to benefit. The present Earl had been that lucky boy. 
Reared in a school of adversity — a man of iron rigidity 
of character — he was celebrated for his thrift in the man- 
agement of his almost regal wealth. His business talents 
enabled him to develop their productive capabilities, spite 
of the legal parasites that everywhere and continually sought 
to feed upon the plethoric body. He was an attorney and 
a tradesman in a peer's robes. Proud of his riches, his 
pride led him to take care that they should not be carelessly 
distributed. He watched every penny of expenditure, every 
item of income. The aforesaid parasites were checked 
though not always thwarted — they were too clever for that — 
at every turn. 

The Earl had one grotesque peculiarity. In his youth, he 
had heard his father sing with much spirit, a comic song en- 
titled "The Cork Leg." Some of the stanzas adhered to 
his memory and suggested a strange community between 
himself and the hero of them. They were constantly 



A SON . 15 

recalled to his mind. When alone and unoccupied with 
business he invariably repeated them to himself : 

There was an old merchant of Rotterdam — 
And every morning he said, " I am 
The richest merchant in Rotterdam." 

.* * 
* 

IV.— A Son. 

The day at length arrived when the Countess must face 
the cross of woman's curse. No avoidance — no circuity — 
it stood in her life-path, and she should either pass it or die 
at its base. Herein my lady and Mrs. Ginx are one. 

Through the vast regions of the mansion thrilled subdued 
excitement. Some of its tenants were anxious — some fool- 
ish. There was the grave butler, the discountenanced foot- 
man, the deeply-agitated cook, the shocked or giggling maids ; 
and all stepped lightly over the velvet carpets, gossipping only 
in whispers. The Earl retired to his library, where he pre- 
tended to himself to be reading a blue-book report on the 
condition of his own tenantry in various shires. In her 
ladyship's room — no matter : there were Sir Samuel Horn- 
bill, Mr. Burton, F.R.C.S., and the nurse; who require 
neither you nor me with any impertinent curiosity. 

Happily, the Countess passed through the gate of sorrow, 
faced and went by the painful cross — and a piping little 
voice in the next room seemed to her, lying in a half-sense- 
less dream, to come and go like a soft, glad music. 



l6 LORD BANTAM. 



** A son, Countess," whispered Sir Samuel, mildly. " I 
congratulate you." 

A palpitating maid outside the chamber had run to the 
footman at the head of the stairs, and the footman had car- 
ried his mighty legs swiftly down to the butler who waited 
in the hall ; and the butler, almost void of speech, had pre- 
cipitated himself through the library-door and caught the 
' Earl with the agricultural blue-book in his hand, standing at 
the mantel-piece, blanched with anxiety, which he endeav- 
ored to repress by repeating to himself : 

There was an old merchant of Rotterdam— 
And every morning he said, " I am 
The richest merchant in Rotter — 

When in burst Trayfoot the butler — 

—DAM 
said the Earl, in his nervousness, involuntarily repeating 
that syllable out very loud as he turned round. 

" I 'umbly beg pardon, your lawdship," gasped Trayfoot, 
clearly spelling the syllable the wrong way, and dumbfounded 
by the Earl's vehemence, " but if you please my lawd it's a 
son, and her Ladyship's as well as could be expected." 

* « 

v.— The First Accident. 

" Thank God," said the Earl, and leaving the bewildered 
Trayfoot to reconcile diis expression with the other, set to 
work reading at his blue-book in the sheer excitement of 
pleasure. 



THE FIRST ACCIDENT. I7 

The eminent surgeon and his coadjutor had gone : the 
Countess was to receive a visit from the Earl before she 
was settled for the night. Softly he entered the room, slip- 
ped over the moss-like carpet, and stood beside the purple 
hangings of the bed. Gently he caressed a moment the 
pale, sweet, glorified face — glorified by the joy that had 
come out of pain. 

Countess. Have you seen him? 

Earl. No. 

Countess. Neither have I. 

Earl (whispering to the nurse, whose back appeared 
through the door). Struthers, bring the baby. 

She brought him in. The Earl fetched a candle, the 
nurse held up the little lace-swathed honorable, the Count- 
ess turned languidly towards her child — no sooner turned 
than she uttered a shriek and fainted away. The Earl 
' dropped the candle — the nurse dropped the baby. 

—The little 

honorable' s head was the 

color of a Maltese orange. 



PART IT. 

HOW HE CAME TO BE LORD BANTAM. 
I. — A Human Feeding Bottle. 

Had the young honorable fallen on his head, his yellow 
hair had been the death of him. He luckily touched the 
ground elsewhere, — in fact with a part not vital. Beyond a 
little screaming, he showed no sign of harm. He was other- 
wise quite a pretty baby, and the obnoxious hair being con- 
cealed for a few weeks under a cap, her Ladyship grew ac- 
customed to him, though she vowed eternal enmity to her 
cousin of Arran. 

I believe no Countess ever thinks of nursing her own 
baby. Middle and low class people enjoy a monopoly of 
that privilege. I think if I were a woman — and it is the 
best thing I could wish to be this side of heaven — I could 
imagine no greater ecstasy than to enfold with motherly 
arms my own flesh and blood, while it drew from me, a con- 
sciously pure fountain, the spring-flow of life. But to some 
minds that would seem to be too vulgar a sympathy. At all 
events, the Countess required a proper young woman not 
embarrassed with matrimonial trammels yet in a situation to 
perform a mother's part ; such an one as is frequently de- 
scribed by the advertisement, " As wet nurse. Fine breast 
of milk. Single ; highly respectable." 

Mr. Burton was consulted. 



A HUMAN FEEDING BOTTLE. 19 

" Burton, mind you get a proper person. Please be care- 
ful. You don't know how terribly I should feel it if the 
woman were not perfectly healthy. Inquire into her ante- 
cedents. See the other members of her family and ascertain 
if they have any deformity or peculiarity, especially insanity. 
Young Airsleigh's singularity, you know, is directly traceable 
to his nurse's aunt, who was a low sort of Radical — a 
preacher in some odd dissenting sect. And, by the way, 
that reminds me, — inquire if she has been baptized and con- 
firmed, and properly churched — for though we are Populars, 
you know we must not go too far — and don't get a shocking 
creature with red hair, whatever you do ! " 

Mr. Burton, like most members of his profession, managed 
to satisfy his patient's whims without paying the least heed 
to them. He went to his own hospital, where a sort of wet- 
nurses' fair was held every morning, and picking out a fresh- 
looking young woman, who declared herself unembarrassed, 
and held a visibly healthy baby in her arms, informed her 
that she and her progenitors had never been dissenters, had 
always been of exceedingly sound mind and body, that she 
herself was an accredited member of the Church of England, 
and must forthwith go and be churched. A well-known 
author has touchingly told how, by the rigorous rule of the 
society in which the Countess moved, the poor women who 
are hired to supply strength to infant Bantams are also bound 
over to desert their own children absolutely, to have no inter- 
views with any relatives during the time of their engagement, 
and to do their best to keep themselves in good health. 



20 L O R D U A N T A M , 



I think, my lady, you would have been touched had you 
seen her, when the hard bargain was concluded, clinging to 
tlie baby as one would do who was never to see it again. 
.... Indeed the child oHbrtune was destined to rob the 
child of fate. The nurse's fine little girl was consigned to a 
neighbor, whose trade it was to " farm " such deserted ones, 
and sadly did a mother's forebodings about the dubious 
kindness of the baby-farmer pierce her heart as she gave up 
the child. True and fearful instinct ! When she kissed the 
small face, and wrapped the little form as tenderly as possi- 
ble in her coarse shawl, she might as well have buried it 
alive then and there. It was the last kiss, the last look for 
her — the last touch of joy for that little one on earth. Eight 
months after, when young Bantam took to pap, and his nurse 
came out of the palatial tomb, the cab she hired in her ma- 
ternal eagerness took her — Heaven help me ! I cannot tell 
you the rest. Imagine it, if you please, for yourself. The 
woman's sin had been buried out of her sight. 

Rackett's place (Rackett was the woman's name) in the 
mansion at Hiton Place was, to tell the truth, simply to be 
a human feeding-bottle. Her foster-child was not confided 
to her care. She was not even permitted to enjoy tlie 
thousand pleasures, to a true natural woman, of tending and 
caressing the infant she suckled. When the young Bantam 
grew hungry and signified it by vulgar screams, he was con- 
veyed by the extremely lady-like person who was called his 
nurse to Rackett's room, and she, when his cravings were 
satisfied, delivered him up again. Very strict orders had 



PASSAGES FROM A DIARY. 



been given by her Ladyship that the person was not to kiss 
the child on any pretence, but I fear all concerned were too 
womanly to obey her orders. 

I have gone into these nursery details, your Royal High- 
nesses, my Lords, Ladies, and Gentlemen, not because I 
like to discuss such matters, but because they are true and 
common as life, and yet mayhap will wear a strangely novel 
aspect when thus put down in black and white. I should 
be sorry to think so meanly of your sensibilities as to sup- 
pose that the sketch will simply amuse you. 

* 

II. — Passages from a Diary. 

The young honorable took kindly to Rackett's attentions, 
and his body and the golden hair grew together. I cannot 
afford to waste much space over his infantile experiences. 
He fed, he hiccoughed, he drivelled, he screamed, he kicked 
like any other baby : he passed through every phase of ca- 
tarrh : but then he was bathed in porcelain, swathed in 
lawns and laces, embroideries and velvet ; he lay in the Re- 
naissance cradle with the soft-hued curtains drawn around him, 
keeping out the evil-tempered air. He was watched and 
waited on by half a dozen servants, guarded in his airings by 
a careful groom, handled and dandled like a humming-bird's 
egg. So valuable a contribution to the population of these 
kingdoms must be reared, spite of accident or fate. Messrs. 
Malthus and Mill never put their heads inside a nobleman's 



LORD BANTAM. 



house to forbid the banns or play the part of cross-legged 
Juno. Yet it would require many philosophic treatises to 
prove to me that my young Bantam, as he lay and fluttered 
in the Renaissance shell, was any more likely than the child 
of some sturdy navigator rolling in a washerwoman's basket 
to be in the long run useful to society. Might he not be- 
come a roue, a rake, a screw, a Fogey, or even a Prig ? 

Lady Ffowlsmere kept a diary. It was a wonderful con- 
glomeration. Among other things were occasional hints of 
her baby's life. The Countess's royal mistress had set a 
fashion for keeping such records. In volumes guarded by 
handsome Chubb's locks, she had very simply and prettily 
■written down from time to time her home experiences, and 
every Court lady for awhile took to a similar historiography, 
not always, I fear, so pure and true as hers — much to Mr. 
Chubb's advantage. Magnificent bindings, illuminated mon- 
ograms, and marvellous mechanisms with gold keys often en- 
closed from profane vision some of the least or some of the 
most extraordinary things in the world. The Countess wrote 
a swift running hand. I find, in looking through the vol- 
ume, among social and political gossip, a few scandals, notes 
of sermons preached at St. Elias's Chapel, Ely Square, others 
of new fashions, a tolerably constant account at first of little 
Master Bantam's doings, whence I extract the following 
memorabilia : 

" May lo. Baby christened by the Bishop of Dunshire. Cou- 
sin Duke of Scrambleton and dear Lady Coding Coding were 
the godfather and godmother. Ffowlsmere and I had a great 



PASSAGES FROM A DIARY, 23 

deal of difficulty in selecting his names, our circle is so large. 
It was impossible to please everybody. He was christened 
Albert Alfred Augustus Adolphus Loftus Ciceley Chester ; 
we mean to call him Albert. We had a very pleasant party 
afterwards. What a charming man the Bishop is ! So bril- 
liant, so well-bred, so perfectly a man of the world, yet so 
pious, so sympathetic and sentimental, with such soft and 
delicate hands. He is a thorough Churchman, and an ex- 
quisite gentleman. I often wonder why people ridicule him 
so much. He is so able. He goes about so mildly, and 
seems to have no evil whatever in him. When I see him, I 
cannot help thinking ' of such is the kingdom of heaven ' — 
though I don't think he is a 'little child' quite. 
Here is rather an irrelevant but interesting entry : 
^'- June 2. Cabinet Council to-day. Ffowlsmere says the 
ministers are very uneasy about the attitude of the Extrem- 
ists in the House. Some of them are very fractious, and 
there is ground to believe that they have been angling with 
the other side for a coalition. That must be impossible, 
though in the present state of parties one knows not what 
to expect. Ffowlsmere thinks they want office, but it is out 
of the question to take any of^hem into the Cabinet, as he 
and the other Prigs would instantly retire. They belong to 
a new and dangerous school of politics ; in fact, it is said 
some of them are Communists. They charge the Govern- 
ment with too njuch political intrigue and too little real re- 
form. And indeed I think they are not so far wrong in that. 
I never saw it so difficult to keep a Government together. 



24 L O R D B A N T A M 



It takes all my wit to manage these new vulgarians. Besides, 
there are two or three men in the Cabinet who are enough 
to swamp any ministry. Tandem is always going to do 
something, and never does it. Some one in the House said 
the other night, that he wished the President of the Board 
would be true to his name, and at length do something. 
Happily many of these Extremists are more loud than dan- 
gerous. They don't like to risk their chance of office, though 
they are obliged every now and then to express violent opin- 
ions. I found outlast evening that Mingo's wife and daugh- 
ter are dying to be presented, and must manage it for them. 
Tumbril is troublesome. He has a large family, and I must 
show them some attention. Ay me ! Politics is a trouble- 
some aflfair." 

Farther on I find that Mingo's wife and daughter have 
been duly presented, and that he was behaving much more 
reasonably, but that Tandem still, to the distraction of his 
colleagues, pursued his wavering and unproductive career. 

^^ June 23. Little Albert was this morning seized Avith 
twitchings in the face soon after feeding ; his mouth worked 
fearfully, and there seemed to be a discharge from it. I 
sent at once for Mr. Burton, who came in haste and pro- 
nounced it to be nothing but colic. I at once sent for Mrs. 
Rackett and blew her up 

" Sept. 5. (Shufflestraw Castle.) We had a great alarm 
to-day with little Albert. I went into the nurserj-^, and found 
him screaming with might and main. His face was scarlet. 
Swanston could not pacify him ; and though he was taken to 



PASSAGES FROM A DIARY. 25 

Mrs. Rackett, he would not be quiet. At length it seemed 
certain it would end in convulsions ; and Mr. Bellew was 
fetched from Rotherhedge. He was unpleasantly calm about 
it, and said no boy could be very ill who screamed like that. 
He insisted on taking off his clothes, and found that Swan- 
ston's maid, in dressing the poor little fellow, had bound a 
nursery pin tightly into his little back, so as to mark him se- 
verely. It was so grossly careless, I instantly dismissed her. 
I am glad to see that his hair is getting a little browner. 

" Sept. 20. We are full of company — a great shooting 
party with us. The bishop is here, and stays at home with 
the ladies. I haven't much time for little Albert. Mr. Bel- 
low vaccinated him to-day, from a very fine child, after a 
careful examination to decide whether he was strong enough 
to bear it. 

Sept. 24. Alfred's vaccination took : he is very feverish 
and restless. I asked Mr. Bellew and he tells me he never 
knew it to be fatal. 

" Sept. 25. Alfred's arm very much inflamed. Swan- 
ston says he is a screamer, and attributes it to his red hair. 
She says all children with red hair are bad tempered. What 
0. pity, to be sure ! Otherwise he is perfect. 

"I've had a most terrible fright. The person Mr. Bellew 
brought to the castle the other day, with her child, to vacci- 
nate Albert from, was recognized by some of the servants, 
and it turns oict that she is the wife of that shoemaker Broad- 
bent, who is an ijifidcl Chartist ! I ! the plague of the town. 
He is repeatedly addressing meetings and getting up oppo- 



26 LORD BANTAM, 



sition to us at elections, and has insulted the vicar by calling 
him " an ecclesiastical speaking-trumpet." I was most in- 
dignant that such shocking blood should be transferred to 
poor little Alfred, and sent for Mr. Bellew immediately. He 
had nothing to say for himself, except that it was the healthi- 
est child in the neighborhood ! I told hun he ought to have 
known that though we were free in our politics, we hated 
such vulgar and seditious wretches ; and it was an everlast- 
ing disgrace to us to have their brand on a scion of our 
house. The Earl gave him a cheque, and he is never to 
enter the castle again. I have sent to town for Mr. Burton 
to come and see him. I shall be in terror now, lest the 
child has been inoculated with some low Red opinions. The 
Earl says he is not likely, with the property he will get, to 
practise them, even if they are in his blood ; but I have the 
utmost horror of extremists." 

The Countess was unquestionably a Prig. 

Later on I find little scraps here and there which I need 
not date. " Albert beginning to teeth. Mr. Burton has 
been to see him every day for a fortnight. Albert terribly 
cross." The family have evidently returned to town and 
Mr. Burton again. " Steedman's soothing-powder to Al- 
bert." " Gave Albert magnesia. Convulsions threatened. 
Mr. Burton waited here to lunch, and for some hours. A 
highly gentlemanly person and peculiarly clever with chil- 
dren." " Lady Coding Coding recommended me to try the 
' Sister of Mercy for the Nursery,' a new soothing compound, 
for little Albert. I got some from Corbyn, and Swanston 



PASSAGES FROM A DIARY. 2^ 

tells me it stops his worst fits, and she seems to like it. She 
is a very experienced and valuable nurse." Next day I 
find : "I happened to mention to Burton that we were 
using the ' Sister of Mercy for the Nursery,' and he was hor- 
rified ! He said it was a morphitic drug ! of a highly detri- 
mental nature, sometimes producing idiocy ! ! I threw the 
bottle into the fire, and gave Swanston a sound rating for not 
knowing better than to administer poison to a child. I am 
seriously thinking of looking out for another nurse. It is 
positively frightful to think of his taking any incentive to 
idiocy." — " Little Albert has a tooth ! I can just see a 
white line in the lower gum," etc., etc., etc., etc. Then he 
walked, then he talked, then he grew, then he fell into his 
hot- water bath before the cold had been added, and for a 
while his head was denuded of its objectionable orange at- 
tachments. This accident led to the extradition of poor 
Swanston, who happened to be absent from the room at the 
time, a fact of which her maid was taking advantage to signal 
out of the window to a groom in the mews behind. 

Why do I transcribe these frivolous items ? Not certainly 
to induce a smile at Lady Ffowlsmere's expense, who, God 
bless her, was writing so far as her child was concerned the 
petty details of a large and honest affection ; proving herself 
natural indeed, spite of philosophy, politics, and position. 
Yet I would have you note the weakness there was in that 
love and estimate of her child which was biassed enough to 
overpower the sense of justice to others : how unconsciously 
selfish, foolish and unfair a woman may be in the strength 



28 LORDBANTAM. 



of maternal affection and the assumption of class superiority : 
further, how extreme a contrast you may draw between the 
minute anxiety, the lavish carefulness bestowed upon this in- 
fant compatriot, and the dubious, cursory, nay injurious dis- 
regard, whereof many a sad young immortal in these rich 
islands is a daily martyr. The satirist who turns his glass 
upon these discrepancies of humanity executes no willing 
task if he be a true man, yet most certainly is discharging a 
public duty. We need throughout society a wider recogni- 
tion of human equality, not in condition, but in right and 
fact. In the high latitudes of aristocratic birth and breed- 
ing, I for one grudge no little lord or lady devoted kindness 
and all the minute luxurious comfort money can secure. 
But let them not congratulate themselves that this is more 
than circumstance, or that it confers a right to qualify the 
rights of others. The egotism of class is a danger impreg- 
nate with bitter seeds. It is fostered at the expense of that 
broad humanity which seeking finds on every hand some 
chain of sympathy with those around it — which recognizes a 
duty rising above self and reaching also downwards to the 
very depth of brother-nature. The prejudices based in this 
assumption corrupt even still the principles of legislation and 
the roots of society. Title is made a term of substance, 
not of relation ; vested interests are accepted as a justifica- 
tion for the intolerable ; property is looked upon as a thing 
of right and not of trust ; superiority^ even in its relation to 
social status a fallacious and impudent assumption, is made 
the ground of an unequal distribution of power and the in- 



ACADEMIC GROVES, 



29 



equitable administration of justice. No marvel if the man 
who suffers from these brilliant impostures of society, who 
is sensible how much they impede the fine sweep of free 
principles, should sometimes turn with a sort of horrified 
resignation to force as the only solvent of conditions too 
hard to be longer endured ! 

You, who in exalted places have in your own pure souls 
straggled successfully against the blinding vanity of class, are 
heroes and heroines whom I reverence, — for your tempta- 
tion is not such as is common to man. 

« Hi 

III.— Academic Groves. 

At this period of our hero's life, the affairs of his elder 
brother. Lord Bantam, began to attract the j^ainful attention 
of his father, as they had for some time acquired a curious 
notoriety out of doors. The Earl brought up his heir as he 
had himself been reared. He restricted him to a small 
allowance, and urged him, as a matter of habit, to maintain 
over his expenditure a rigid control. Then he sent him to 
Win ton. There Lord Bantam repaid the advice he had re- 
ceived by incurring debts to the extent of ^^3,000. His 
creditors were too glad to have such a debtor, and too clever 
to let out the young nobleman's secrets. So his father knew 
nothing of theiii, and supposed that he had managed well on 
his allowance of ;^ioo a year. These debts were running 
on at thirty per cent, interest compounded every three 
months. From Winton he went to Camford. 



so L O R D B A N T A M 



Camford to visit is a charming place ; it seems to breathe 
of quiet, of patient monastic study and noble wisdom-bearing 
silence. Its gray stones are as if strewn with the hoar of 
antique and classic pedantry. As you pass through its 
groined passages, cross its cloistered quadrangles, survey its 
stately halls or worship in its venerable churches, you think 
that here at least learning has found her proper seat ; se- 
questered from the rough passions of the world, secure from 
the intrusion of vanity and debauch, silent with Herself, Her 
duty, and Her God. It ought to be so, but it is not. I 
know not why it should not be. The passage through those 
splendid portals no gold should buy, no rank should gain. 
It should, with all the honors and comforts of these noble 
foundations, be free to any son of England who has the 
worth and wit to win the right. Surely you should shut from 
thence your maudlin or your fool, your roue, your turfman, 
your fashionable lounger, whatever his name or estate ; and 
open these serious gates alone to the sons of work and 
thought and duty. As it is, in this rank soil, many a prom- 
ising grain of wheat is choked and smothered amidst the 
strong growths of folly and sin, while the husbandmen look 
on, their hands too idle or too craven to weed them out. 

Depend upon it, you select company of ecclesiastics, dons 
and tutors, if )'Ou don't set about this reform yourselves, a 
healthy tide from without will sweep into and around your 
cosy haven, and drift you out to perdition with the foul 
wreck you have permitted to accumulate about you. 



* * 
* 



A YOUNG ARISTOCRAT. 31 



IV. — A young Aristocrat. 

To Camford went Lord Bantam. Its trading harpies 
hastened to offer to so good a customer every facility for 
ruining himself. He accepted their kind offices. Never 
even in that luxurious place were rooms so handsomely 
furnished, horses so good, traps so elegant, dinners and 
wines so expensive, pictures so costly, and women so 
fast as those of Lord Bantam's establishments in High 
Church and the town. Much of this was notorious through- 
out the university, and must have been as patent to some 
of the dons as to the gossips in High street. But they 
made no protest except when the noble undergraduate came 
under proctorial notice in a drunken row ; and once, when 
he and a few select companions had contrived to enter tlie 
cathedral at night, and color a fine marble with lines in 
zebra-fashion, they expelled two of his accomplices who 
were so unfortunate as to have no titled name to dishonor ; 
forced the young gentleman to apologize, and wrote to the 
Earl that " a recurrence of such conduct might lead to the 
most serious consequences." The syndicate must have had 
a curious notion of education. They could hardly have be- 
lieved that the spectacle of folly and prodigality was so in- 
nocuous to university tone and discipline ! Is it theirs only 
to open their eyes to defiiciencies in ecclesiastical, classical 
and philosophic acquirements, and to shut them to the ex- 
travagance and sin of the alumni ? or were it not a chiefest 



32 LORDBANTAM, 



part of education to teach the lessons of high humanity — 
ingeniKZ et hiimana artes ? Should it be possible for any 
pupil at a seat of learning to emulate the vices of Com- 
modus, or ought not sumptuary laws to confine the rivalry 
of prodigals within bounds less perilous to studious morali- 
ties ? 

Of a morning, towards noon, a quadrangle hard by the 
great cathedral rang with loud voices. Perched upon his 
window-sill, velvet capped, with pewter in hand, Lord Bantam 
held spicy converse with the son of a prime minister who 
leaned smoking out of an opposite casement, or exchanged 
bets and jokes of a dubious character with a knot of noisy 
men on the pavement below. You, an honest Englishman, 
wishing well for your country, and having a kindly heart for 
manly and generous youth, might well wonder as you tra- 
versed the court and gazed upon this scene, whether idle 
nobility and parvenu wealth should be afforded in the pre- 
cincts of hallowed shrines and the cloisters of learning, foot- 
holds to corrupt the hopes of coming generations. 

Lord Bantam's expenses, his first year at Camford, were 
;/^i5,ooo; he owed ;j^ii,ooo to money-lenders on his own 
notes and those of his friends. His father's steward had 
managed to get him allowed ^^4,000. His tailor stood cred- 
itor for ;2^3,ooo. That clever gentleman did not confine his 
shears to cutting cloth; he snipped off many a young man's 
income with a sharpness and skill sometimes wanting in his 
proper work. He charged young Bantam in his bill with 
clothes and jewellery never supplied; and thus, on condition 



A YOUNG ARISTOCRAT. ;^;^ 

of sharing the product, enabled him to cheat his father. The 
noble youth began to evince a taste for the turf He won 
the High Church sweepstakes for the Derby — in which, by 
the way, several dons had their money — amounting to " 800 
sovs — " as at Winton, under the noses of the masters, he had 
won a school sweepstakes before. He picked up a shrewd 
gambler named Tom Rendle, made him his factotum, and in 
his name bought and ran his horses. At first they were suc- 
cessful. He resolved to have stables of his own. Rendle 
was an admirable factotum. He found the money, the 
horses, the stables, the jockeys, took sheaves of notes, nego- 
tiated them with innocent friends, and never troubled his 
master with accounts. He looked upon the young lord as 
the richest mine in England for a clever man. All this was 
concealed from the Earl, who, engrossed in politics and Rot- 
terdam riches, knew little of racing matters, would not have 
known his son's colors if he had seen them ; and society 
does not care to tattle the peccadillos of a coming star to a 
noble statesman. When he came of age Lord Bantam owed 
;;^4o,ooo. By the end of that year his liabilities reached 
_;^95,ooo, and in two years more were ^^200,000. He had 
of course left Camford, and had his secret nests about the 
country ; formed liaison after liaison with masculine indif- 
fei'ence to the other sex ; and at length fell into the net of an 
infinitely clever beauty, provided along with the other animals 
by the attentive Rendle. This person was now a gentleman, 
a "financier," who kept his carriage and gave select dinners 
to the princes of the turf The woman was his slave. She 



34 L O R D B A N T A M , 



pretended that Lord Bantam had seduced her. He was in- 
fatuated with her ahiiost to idiocy. She threatened to expose 
him to the Earl, was backed up by Rendle, and the pair, 
keeping their game for a fortnight in a state of alternate 
drunkenness, maudlinism and fear, — at length succeeded in 
getting him to many her. Returning from the unholy 
ceremony as with a blast upon him from the shrine he had 
profaned ; wedded in delirium and never recognizing his 
infamous wife * * * * 

« :ic 4« 4: )ic 

4 * * 4c ' % 

4c 4c 4: 4: 4: 

Does any one ask whether it be true that a thing so horri- 
ble could happen in England in these days ? 

The Earl paid his son's debts like an Earl. After all, they 
did not absorb a year's income. Not long after the factotum 
married Lady Bantam. 

Thus at four years old our hero became Lord Bantam, 
and it was fortunate for him that he was too young to know 
the scandal he inherited with the name. It was a scandal 
of a sort whereof society does not make more than a nine 
day's wonder. There is great repairing power in an Earl- 
dom and seveial hundred thousands a year. 



* 



^PART III. 

HOW HE LEARNED HIS LETTERS. 
I. — Words versus Wit. 

Earl Ffowi.smere was so distraught by the hapless fate 
of his elder son that he shrank from sending our hero to 
Winton. He therefore provided tutors at home. No doubt 
this had a peculiar influence on the young lord's future 
character. It deprived him of a society in which he would 
have found rank, prospects and good-breeding on a par 
with his own, yet not unduly asserting themselves over less 
fortunate accidents. He might also have acquired a con- 
siderable skill in writing verses in languages hardly an 
Englishman would venture to attempt to speak, a quantity 
of valuable aphorisms for quotation in his future elevated 
sphere, a crude idea of English, an ingeniously bad handwrit- 
ing, and probably some proficiency in cricket and rowing. 
The curriculum would not have afforded him much more, un- 
less indeed we include an acquisition, perforce of continued 
iteration, of certain prayers, psalms and lessons of the 
Church. At home, if he were deprived of the companion- 
ship and the sports and the finished elegance of classic com- 
position, his range of acquisition went deeper into the well 
of knowledge and wider over its fields. He was taught 
French and German by conversation. He learned his 
Latin to speak it, not neglecting the verses as trifles con- 



36 L O R D n A N T A M , 



tributing to polish his style. A scientific Gerinan tutor 
opened to him the rich veins of natural science, and laid the 
foundation for some knowledge of the world about him. 
The Eail himself took in hand historical instruction, con- 
veyed more by conversation and illustration than by tasks, 
seeking to indoctrinate him as he advanced from boyhood 
with liis own political ideas and a reverence for the British 
Constitution. This latter teaching afterwards refuted its 
own purpose ; for the youth, as we shall see, did not accept 
with perfect fiiith the political theses of the statesman. The 
Eai-1 was particularly eager that his son should be "a 
speaker." Recognizing the power of talk in modern repre- 
sentative systems, he desired that the future Earl should be 
versed in all its clever and seductive tricks. Almost before 
he had emerged from boyhood he trained him in elocution ; 
he set him to declaim the orations of ancient and modern 
masters : he drilled him in Quintilian. Adopting the exam- 
ple of Lord Chatham with his son, he put him to translate 
extempore from classic authors : finally, he announced to 
him topics for off-hand speeclies. Hence at fifteen, when 
Lord Bantam went to Oxbridge, he was an expert speaker, 
and took his place at tlie Union among its chief debaters. 
Whether this facility of utterance was given at the expense 
of better acquirements may hereafter appear ; at present we 
may mention it procured for our hero the sobriquet of 
*' Crowing Bantam." If sobriquets were only fatal, one 
would hope that such an one might be attached to not a few 
pf our parliamentarian orators. It is conceivable that the 



DIGRESSION. 37 



ensuing mortality might be a wholesome thing for the 

State. 

* * 
* 

II, — Digression. Benevolently dedicated to American Readers. 

I HAVE seen occasional suggestions in the press that on 
this branch of education it would be well to assimilate our 
system to that of America, ]jut, if there is a root of wisdom 
in the hint, there arc also roots of evil, Mr. Carlyle has 
embodied in language too vigorous and noble to be emu- 
lated his protest against present-day chatter, and one may 
only very diffidently say a word or two on the matter in its 
relation to education. In the United States the culture of 
speech-making begins almost before the culture of thought. 
Indeed, not long after a few words and ideas have found some 
lodgment in a young mind, they are casually and cursorily 
shaken up within it by the demand for an "oration" on 
some im[)ossible thesis. Fact and history are necessarily 
awanting to such juvenile spouters, wherefore they are forced 
to concoct their exercitations partly from imagination and 
partly from imperfect data. They are encouraged to be 
theorists before they become cognizant of truths. So uni- 
versal is the Yankee propensity to orationizing, that to it must 
be attributed in no small degree the singularly metaphysical 
and theoretic character of ordinary American reasoning, 
even on the commonest matters of social or political life ; 
still more those rare and monstrous forms of argument they 
are wont to advance in international negotiation. You find 



38 L O R D C A N T A M . 

your neighbor at a dinner-table, in defiance of Baconian 
maxims, elaborately generalizing from one particular. No 
people in the world has equal talent for the ornamental ex- 
pression of nothing. Tracing the effect of this on all popu- 
lar thought, all popular opinion, all popular action, — it is to 
substitute " smartness " for learning — plausibility for fact — 
to dissolve instead of to crystallize truth in words. Few 
Americans estimate a word at its correct value. Few of 
them seem to feel it to be a precious thing not to be squan- 
dered : not to be abused to set untruth or commonplace or 
unreality : a thing which wielded with exactness and care 
carries in it a glorious might, but which thrown out with 
slovenly or shallow incaution is a folly or a sin. To be 
ready in expressing the results of study and thought is a 
faculty of faculties : to cover with thin and melting flakes of 
eloquence an undergound of ignorance, is to spread delu- 
sion for the weakest and most numerous of mankind. 



* * 
* 



III. — A juvenile Tourist and Author. 

Our hero having safely passed the measles, reached the 
comparatively mature age of twelve years. "Compara- 
tively " with all the children and most of the adults that were 
huddled togedier in the murky mews and alleys over which 
he looked from his high schoolroom windows. Mature in 
things they recked not of — a reader, a speaker of Frencli with 
a touch of German, advanced in Latin : deft at composing 



A JUVENILE TOURIST AND AUTHOR. 39 

elegant nonsense lyrics : a juvenile methematician : learned 
in Bible and Catechism ; familiar with that skeleton of the 
past called history. 

He could also cut a tolerable figure in a drawing-room, 
make a neat bow, and give an opinion with sufficient aristo- 
cratic confidence. In other matters comparison finds him 
unequal to his hapless compatriots. In forward shrewdness, 
cat-like cunning, ready resource, bold defiance of law and 
cool irrecognition of gospel, in early precocity of talent for 
business, he was necessarily inferior to his inferiors. As 
nature had imperfectly constructed him for fighting, he would 
also have taken a mean place in an alley scrimmage. 

Is there no drawing these two extremes nearer together, 
the one up, the other down ? Is it the inevitable predestina- 
tion of the Almighty that the young Lord Bantam shall be 
and dwell thus : and the child of Ginx shall be and dwell so 
— Lazarus and Dives, with a great gulf fixed between 
them ? 

At this stage of their son's life, the Earl and Countess re- 
solved upon passing some months at various Courts on the 
continent. Like the meteors their movements were chroni- 
cled in the newspapers, and gave rise to grave conjectures 
that they had gone abroad on some political mission. From 
Paris the correspondent of the Electro Magnet wrote the 
startling information that he " had met the Earl at a petit 
dejeAner of three, in a certain Imperial sanctum, where 
secrets had transpired which mortal might not utter ; but he 
might say, without breaking any confidence, that the world 



40 L O R D D A N T A M , 



would, in the course of tliree weeks or so, hear news that 
would rouse Empires and disliub the equilibrium of centu- 
ries." 

The result was a confidential despatch from Berlin to the 
Prussian Ambassador in London, instructing him to ascertain 
if possible what secret mission was sending the I'.arl and 
Countess of Ffowlsmere intriguing in half the Courts of 
Europe. The ambassador's reply was as sarcastic as it was 
reassuring. He informed his Government that "he had 
lived long enough in England to loam that its diplomacy 
proceeded not by intrigue but by blunders : that it was im- 
possible to suppose his excellent and mediocre friend the 
Earl of Ffowlsmere to be engaged, either of his own motion 
or by direction of the ]5ritish (.lOvernment, in any diplomatic 
mission; that, as to the Government, it was the English cus- 
tom to declare its objects beforehand : and even if the re- 
port were true, he was sure no harm could come of it to any 
nation but haigland herself, since the avowed course of 
English policy — by which the Earl nnist necessaiily be re- 
stricted — was to disown anything but i^eace and its result — 
money ; and to play for plausible if sometimes undignitied 
releases from inconvenient obligations." 

Young Rmtam with his tutor accompanied this distin- 
guished party from l.iMidon to Paris : from Paris to Vienna : 
from Vienna to the l')anubian Provinces : to Constantinople, 
Athens, and Rome. He was observant, was well primed by 
his tutor, conversed with his father on elementary politics, 
and was petted by Princes who desired to maintain good re- 



A JUVENILE TOURIST AND AUTHOR. 41 

lations with England. He received the Pope's benediction. 
As with other young persons, when his mind began to work 
it became eager to afford visible evidence thereof; so the 
young lord wrote a book. It is the fashion nowadays for 
youthful lords, baronets and gentlemen of wealth to make 
grand tours in out-of-the-way regions, and to record their 
hasty observations and necessarily limited generalizations in 
books that not many years afterwards they are glad if others 
are as willing to forget as themselves. "The Danubian 
Provinces : with notes social and statistical : by Lord Ban- 
tam," was not the worst of such productions I have seen. 
It related very simply what he had experienced ; recorded 
opinions founded on facts; and being written by an Earl's 
son and to be had at all the libraries could not fail to gain a 
temporary notoriety in middle-class drawing-rooms. I may 
select a specimen from the chapter on " Rowmania." 

" Lord F and I went to call upon the Prince of 

Rowmania. He did not look like a Prince. He was 
bandy-legged. I did not wonder therefore when I was told 
that his people did not like him. While he was talking to 
papa he said he was a good deal on horseback. He also 
said he had to keep horses saddled day and night, because 
every few weeks there was a revolution, and he had to ride 
away for his life. I asked him why he did not cut off the 
heads of the people who rebelled. He said that if he were 
to do that he would have no subjects left. It struck me, on 
the other hand, that it would be better to do that than to 
have one's own head cut off: and my father said 'there 



42 I- O R D B A N T A M , 



were precedents for that opinion of a ruler's duty to him- 
self Coming a»vay, another remark of Lord F par- 
ticularly struck me : namely, * that it was a wonder any one 
should persist in trying to govern when it was so plain his 
efforts were unsatisfactory to the people : but that the 
ambition of ruling often makes men insensible to its ab- 
surdities.' "• 

Simple as were young Bantam's observations, there was 
found to be an unconscious satirical flavor about them, 
which one or two clever journalists utilized for home appli- 
cation. 

IV.— A Scotch Tutor. 

One of the tutors engaged for Lord Bantam was a Mr. 
Kelso, a Scotchman, who had been strongly recommended 
to the Earl. The latter and his lady both hesitated about 
bringing the young heir into contact with a man whom they 
expected to be imbued with the religious views of the Pres- 
byterians — but on the other hand, they had reason to be- 
lieve that his ability and morality were unexceptionable. It 
turned out that this gentleman had been educated at a 
Scotch University, and had undergone the necessary studies 
to fit him for the ministry of the Scotch Church. In the 
course of his reading — he was omnivorous in books — he 
struck out for himself some lines of thought not quite con- 
sistent with the interpretation put by his Church Courts 
upon the Confession of Faith. Hence when he came to 



A S C O T C H T U T O R . 43 

apply to the Presbytery to license him as a preacher, and to 
submit himself for the necessary examination, it was discov- 
ered that on some points of doctrine he was ** unsound." 
He was not quite clear about the legal obligation of the Sab- 
bath, though he admitted it to be practically enjoined on his 
conscience. This was hinted to the Presbytery by soane 
ready officer, and without proof that his heterodoxy was 
heinous, a vote consigned him to perpetual laity, so far as 
that Church was concerned. I have nothing at this moment 
to do with the merits of the objections — but I have to do 
with the fact that they drove into opposition a man whom 
perhaps a little kindliness would have brought either to ab- 
jure his errors or to show that he had none. As it was, he 
left with a sense of injury that rankled deeply in his breast, 
and he looked upon the rejectors as a lot of unconscientious 
bigots, which they really never meant to be. 

We have the measure of Lord Bantam's grounding in the 
faith. He had been taught with some rigor the truths of 
the Christian religion and the formulas of his Church. He 
could state them all with tolerable readiness and exactness 
— so far as words went. They were not, however, crystal- 
lized in his life. But then he had been taught to be afraid 
not to believe, instead of to believe and not be afraid. 
There could hardly be much groundwork of faith. 

No doubt the Earl and Countess would have been deeply 
and sincerely resentful had any one suggested a question 
of their religiousness. Were they not extremely precise in 
their conduct? honorable and sensitive in their motives? 



44 L O R D H A N T A M 



sufficiently attentive to tlie ritual of their Church? Was 
there any voice so linn as the ICarl's, so decorously reverent 
as that of the Countess in the responses to the service? 
Did they not with regularity receive the sacrament of Com- 
munion ? Were not all forms of heresy equally odious to 
them — whether it were Erastian or Roman or Arian or 
Socinian ? Yet it may be tliat in their deep probing of other 
things, the noble pair had but scratched the surface of true 
religion. The fact that they would have resented criticism 
of the character of their fiiith would have evidenced how 
little thoy had appreciated what a religion is ; for true reli- 
gion is insensible to criticism : it is beyond its reach. This 
is a matter irrespective of the mere substance of belief. A 
religion, in its integrity, whatever a man may believe, is that 
which informs ixnd />ossfsst'S his soul and rules with despotic 
sway his whole life. You could scarcely say that of the high- 
bred consent Accorded by I-ord and Lady Ffowlsmere to a 
supremely respectable form of church doctrine and ritual. 
You may test it, if you please, by their conduct respecting 
young Bantam. They brought him u[) as they themselves 
had been brought up. He was duly catechised, the l-'arl 
himself not disdaining to overlook so important a business. 
He went to church and attended morning prayers as regularly 
as the Earl's servants — and with equally good results. He 
was warned of sundry deadly sins, which however it seemed 
to be as nuich a part of gentihty as of religion to avoid. He 
heard continually expressed and saw repeatedly exhibited 
his parents' abhorrence of all manner of meanness, bias- 



A SCOTCH TUTOR. 45 

phemy, impropriety and heresy. But nothing he heard or 
saw or was taught went down to the roots of his nature, and 
that is the very part of a man wliere true reUgion begins 
to work, and tlience Hke nourislnnent to a tree flows up in 
healthy sap, carrying strength and life, and greenness, and 
fruitfulness through the whole being. To sum up the result 
of his religious discipline, it taught him to be moral and rev- 
erenlial— but not to be religious. He learned to res])ect the 
Church, but was not quite so fixed in his affection for God — 
a l^eity who loves his creatures, and whom it becomes them 
ingenuously to love. That was ])resented to his mind as an 
Entity too awful and seciuestcred to be a subject of common 
thought. 

— Yet there is a noble passage in the i^reaching of a 
noble A])ostle — which says that (iod is not far from any one 
of us ; and it seems to me that the Church or the creed or the 
ritual or the dogma that intervenes with a screen, however 
beautiful and elaborate, between me, panting for a parent's 
love and daily familiarity, and the imrent yearning for my 
childlike affection, is a barrier to be swept away, unless it 
will of itself open up to show me more clearly the vision and 
fruition of that divine joy. 

His first tutor, a former Westminster man, had fi)llowed 
with his pupil the course prescribed in that cele])rated 
school, and had carefiilly conveyed through the chilling 
winter climate of "Pearson on the Creed," a mind just 
budding into its young spring life, and unequal to the cold 
hardness of the metaphysic, before it had learned to ai)pre- 



46 L O R D B A N T A M , 



ciate the practical bearings on his daily actions of religious 
and moral principles. To touch his heart, to reach his 
conscience, to awaken his most generous sentiments, to 
prompt his aspirations after all things pure, noble, virtuous, 
honest, of good report, to raise his thoughts to God as his 
Creator, Redeemer, and Friend, — all this was made second- 
ary — though not entirely forgotten — to defining in his mind 
a strict outline of dogmas, the truth or untruth of which 
matters not in this relation. The more truthful, the greater 
the impolicy of pressing them in this hard form, and at this 
stage of growth on the fledgling mind. 

Bantam became very fond of his Scotch tutor. There 
was something attractive in the man's peculiar slirewdness 
and tenacity of intellect, the breadth of his comprehensive 
views of every topic, the enormous store of material which 
loving and incessant study had accumulated in his mind. 

The quaint humor, the genial tenderness of sympathy, 
the half-worshipping appreciation of great men and great 
words : the reverence and piety, along with the strange cold 
dogmatism of much of his belief; tlie whole tempered by 
the charity, not so much of principle as of a loving nature, 
made a character not uncommon in Scotland, and perhaps 
agreeable only to a select few. From this man the young 
lord learned many heresies. Kelso had read histor}' as men 
seldom read it, with a broad apprehension of movements 
and results which gave to his conclusions pecuhar force and 
splendor. He tracked with keen scent the course of liberty 
in the communities of Greece, in Rome, through the Dark 



A SCOTCH TUTOR. 47 

Ages ; took up the double thread of her movement in re- 
ligious and political combination at the Reformation, and 
showed how Bible principles, and Bible forms of thought, 
and the subtle puissant influences of Christ's wonderful 
teaching, had helped to dissolve the ancient forces of 
society, had even marked the outlines of modern liberalism, 
and aided in modifying forms of government. To the 
Puritan or Presbyterian element he showed how much of 
modern, republican and democratic sentiment was due, 
based as its ecclesiastical organization had always been on 
the recognition for the laity of freedom of thought and 
equality of representation in church-government. He 
showed how this, backed by a strangely firm faith in a few 
great dogmas, had worked with almost invincible power, 
and so always must work when such an organization is true 
to its principles and itself. Bantam, whose vague young 
notions had exalted episcopacy to almost divine establish- 
ment, began to believe that it and the monarchical and 
• aristocratic institutions of his country all stood on the same 
basis, human invention — lived only on the same condition 
— human patience ; and that there was good reason to 
doubt if any or all of these vast institutions would bear 
criticism in the light of truth or Christianity, of experience, 
or even of common sense. Instead of feeling proud of his 
lineage, his wealth, and his religion, he was led to question 
the honor of the one, the justice of the other, and the purity 
of the third. At the same time Mr. Kelso pointed out to 
him how much good tlvere was in each. 



48 LORDBANTAM, 



Specially did Kelso protest to his young charge against 
the creed- worship of the day. " A creed," he used to say, 
" is a declaration of faith ; it ought to be the crystallization 
in words of a man's soul-thoughts and faith, the outlines of 
his daily life with God. In fact the best creed I know is the 
beatitudes. They embody practical faith. But simply ac- 
cepted from another man, adopted in terror, and held under 
the threats of a terrible sanction — not grasped and brought 
into the soul, and incorporated with its life — a creed is only 
a semblance ; it is ' Nehushtan : ' sti(ff^ not life. Strauss 
used to begin one of his lectures by saying, ' Gentlemen, we 
will now proceed to construct God.' He was not more pro- 
fane than many a man who shrinks from his profanity. I 
have often thought, when I have seen men going about to 
construct creeds, or limning out for themselves God's fea- 
tures and decrees, in their own words and ideas, of Isaiah's 
scornful satire on the wooden-god makers of his day : 

The carpenter stretcheth out his rule ; he marketh it out with a line ; 
he fitteth it with planes, and he marketh it out with the compass, and 
maketh it after the figure of a man, according to the beauty of a man ; 
that it may remain in the house. 

He heweth him down cedars, and taketh the cypress and the oak, 
which he strengtheneth for himself among the trees of the forest : he 
planteth an ash, and the rain doth nourish it. 

Then shall it be for a man to burn : for he shall take thereof and 
warm himself; yea, he kindleth it, and baketh bread ; yea, he maketh 
a god, and worshippeth it : he maketh it a graven image, and falleth 
down thereto. 

He burnetii part thereof in the fire ; with part thereof he eateth flesh ; 
he roasteth roast, and is satisfied : yea, he warmeth himself, and saith. 
Aha, I am warm, I have seen the fire : 



ASCOTCHTUTOR. 49 

And the residue thereof he makcth a god, even his graven image : he 
falletli down unto it, and worshippeth it, and prayeth unto it, and 
saith, Deliver me ; for thou art my god. . 

" What cutting ridicule, what a sarcastic rebuke of man's 
assumption ! And there is little difference between wood 
and words. From both you may make your idols : your 
fetish may be one of sentences. Unless we bow reverently 
before God, own our ignorance and His omniscience, hum- 
bly and contritely wait upon the high and lofty One who in- 
habiteth eternity, till He condescends to invision with Him- 
self the lowly spirit — unless we will permit God to declare 
Himself, instead of ourselves constructing Him, we can have 
no genuine insight into His being, or into our relations to 
Him." 

Kelso's secular teaching was equally broad, and I am not 
prepared to exonerate Tiini from blame for taking advantage 
of his position to instil such ideas into the mind of a'-young 
lord, already red-headed, and vaccinated with Radical lymph. 
The tutor's views were singularly unlike those of the Prigs. 

" Look," said he, " at the way in whicli the high business 
of our government is now carried on. Can you pick out a 
single man who looks beyond the hmits of the present, or 
the narrow circuit of these islands, or who takes any broad, 
practical view of the Imperial future ? One only of them 
all has uttered a timorous squeak about a great confedera- 
tion of English-speaking peoples ; but from the rest, on the 
destinies of Empire, we have had nothing but dead silence, 
or twitterings about cost and policy, as abject, narrow, and 



50 LORD BANTAM. 



disloyal as they were perilous. As yet no man of them has 
propounded, in noble, heart-stirring, vivid language, the idea 
of an united Britain — not the isolated nodules of these petty 
isles, but the far-stretching Imperial boulder of a third of the 
globe. The grand effort of organizing the disjecta vianbra 
of this enormous dominion into a concrete federation appalls 
men bent on conciliating Irish irreconcilables with Church 
bills, Westmeath commissions, and the truncheons of police- 
men or the cutlasses and revolvers of a constabulary. 

" Let us look at home. Take the conditions of our so- 
ciety. See the laboring classes seething and uneasy, feeling 
the i)ressure of a yoke they cannot define, though it is hard 
as iron, restless for remedies they know not how to invent : 
conscious only, and rightly conscious, that their state is not 
what God meant it to be, nor what, in the face of man, it 
ought to be, nor what, by the help of God to the contrary, 
they mfcnd it shall be. Where is the statesman who seems 
to appreciate the perils of the hour — who, by temperate and 
judicious handling of the body politic, can facilitate the re- 
adjustment of the disproportion'cd or disjointed members, 
and set it fairly on its four feet ? The Commune flourishes 
on the antagonism of the economists — living logic of facts 
against dead logic of principle. Is there no God-ordained 
statesman to see that vents must be found for the pent-up 
forces of society, or that inevitable explosion of fierce, pe- 
trolous horror will shatter it again to a chaos of primitive 
atoms. Let us be sure of one thing — sure as the sun shines, 
sure as God's existence — such a man must rise, must lead 



A SCOTCH TUTOR. 51 

the people of these realms in the direction of reforms now 
scouted by the self-inspired so-called, economic seers, shin- 
ing newspaper demi gods, and Idol Statesmen, or Inferno it- 
self will come up through the ground, and H[)read its horrors 
over this fair England. Happy for us that, from time to 
time, such vents have been found in Reform Bills, in eman- 
cipation from religious bondage, in Free Corn, and Free 
Trade ; but now these have largely worked out their remedy, 
society is getting clogged again, and the voice of resistless 
human progress shouts for more. Do you think you can 
stop it with doctrinaire objections ? Do you think you can 
choke it with political sugar-plums, with the ballot, with half- 
concessions to trades unions, nay, even with education ? 
This education is the lever which must upheave the very 
foundations of our present society. Will the Nchushtans of 
monarchy, of State-Church, of House of Peers and heredi- 
tary successions, of Land Monopolizers, Charitable Corpor- 
ations, Bumbledoms, stand when that huge lever, worked by 
twenty millions, is brought to bear upon them ? No ! 
Hence the man who would see these ancient tenements 
gradually and securely taken to pieces, not shattering down 
with blood and terror on their hapless inhabitants, will wisely 
commence his reforms now, lest the tower of Siloam prove 
a grave to many not unrighteous persons. We must recog- 
nize the fact at once, that society, which means the state, has 
more to do than register the occurrence of politico-economic 
facts : it must grasp and deal with the evils of the com- 
munity in a spirit of politic generosity. The .spirit of legis- 



52 LORD BANTAM, 



lation must be transformed. Revolutionary remedies are 
not necessary. They may by judicious foresight be pre- 
vented. The coming struggle is between laissez-faire and 
that almost equally bad and perilous socialism which looks 
to the State to do everything. Between these two lies the 
happy mean. The State cannot refuse to take its part in its 
own reorganization ; the people must do their part in their 
own improvement. You are shut in with them ; you must 
face them and their demands ; you must admit their diffi- 
culties, disabilities, distresses ; you must concede to them 
that you owe them more than the duty of paying some im- 
perfect quid pro quo ; you must find out some way of dis- 
tributing more equally the plethoric wealth of these king- 
doms amongst its people, or prepare for the deluge. Even 
the ancient Spanish family that had an ark of its own in 
Noah's inundation would be hard bestead to find anything 
that would float above this one." 

Another time he spoke in a somewhat similar strain : 
" Make the best of your day. Your class and wealth dis- 
tinction is one that your grandchild may not see. This 
is a rapid era. The strata of society that hitherto have 
looked so solid and fixed give signs of volcanic motion. 
The aristocratic fabric of our constitution is swiftly, daily 
becoming inconsistent with tlie rising power and forces of 
society. There are two methods of convulsion : either the 
lowest stratum will be upheaved with terrific force, and 
bursting through the others come up at last to the surface 
through the old red sandstone of feudocracy ; or it is just 



A SCOTCH TUTOR. 53 

possible that such a fortunate convulsion may take place as 
you can see in a bay in the Isle of Wight, where all the 
strata have risen together and stand almost perpendicular, 
side by side, mutually supporting, no one above another. 
Much depends on the upper stratum. If it is thick and in- 
flexible, it will be split and shivered by the lower upheaving 
forces. The feudal system has been decaying with the 
growth of English liberty — which like ivy has spread and 
flourished over its crumbling glories. Relics still remain, 
but they are incompatible with the changes that have been 
wrought in our social ideas and political bases ; they must 
give way, and your class gives way with them. It will be 
the last to give way, because of the vitality constantly im- 
ported into it from the middle classes. But two dangers 
menace it. One danger is the weakness, ignorance, or folly 
of the class itself. The other is the breaking down of its 
main tower, the monarchy. An unpopular monarch will 
not only commit suicide for the royalty of England, but will 
carry with liim to extinction the fabric of aristocracy. Pos- 
sibly the former will be the method of disaster to the most 
concrete anomaly of modern constitutions — an aristocracy 
based on feudal fictions, existing on popular sufferance, and 
maintained only by the fortuitous dignity and sagacity of its 
members. You must see that such a patent incongruity 
cannot long brave the criticism of political philosophy or the 
selfish keenness of vulgar instinct." 

* * 
* 



54 LORD BANTAM. 



V. — Catholicism. 

One peculiar phrase of Mr. Kelso's teaching afterwards 
exercised on Lord Bantam's opinions a permanent influ- 
ence. 

The tutor might boast of a broad experience of 
" churches." As a student for the ministry he had been at 
various times utilized by Wesleyans, Baptists, Primitives, 
and Independents: he had preached for Morrisonians, 
Burghers, Anti-Burghers, Old Lights and New Lights — and 
Plymouth Brethren. Of each and all he could sharply ex- 
pose the weaknesses ; but of every one he also held some 
approving opinion. He endeavored to convey to his pupil 
the lesson he had himself learned from this unique inter- 
course with the sects ; namely, that while there was much 
that was grotesque in each, — while every one needed 
apology, reform, and " the gift of charity," — there was not 
one in which might not be found many good points. In his 
view, each of these sects had a great deal to learn from the 
others. His comprehensive acquaintance with them enabled 
him also to illustrate the fact, that many of the matters 
wherein they were most viciously antagonistic were those 
that appeared to be the least relevant to a broad and true 
religion. 

"You see," said Kelso, one day, "religion ought to be 
adaptive. If it were not so it could not be universal, and 



CATHOLICISM. 55 



no religion not fitted to become universal can be a true re- 
ligion. It is impossible to conceive of so unreasonable a 
thing as a religion to be true when appropriate only to a 
fraction of mankind. The Christian religion alone, in its 
purity, answers to that test. It meets all natures and all 
circumstances and all times. Hence you observe its various 
aspects. With some people it assumes the form of an intel- 
lectual adoption of principles with rigid adherence to regu- 
lations. In other cases, it is a matter of emotion or even 
passion, and plays upon its subjects with strange and almost 
grotesque influences. With some it is a soft spiritual influ- 
ence transfusing the life — to others a rough series of strug- 
gles, with their alternating hope and despair. Endless 
modifications naturally result ; but after all you will find at 
the bottom of many of them the same facts, the same ideas, 
producing the various developments of religious feeling, ac- 
tion, form — and that the greatest apparent discrepancies are 
incrustations on a pure and common ideal. I now disregard 
these incrustations, and with difficulty, but I hope with suc- 
cess, seek this pure basis. I can worship with almost any 
sect of Christians, since I can disregard the accidents and 
agree in the substance." 

" I have never seen any religious ceremonies other than 
those of our own Church," said young Bantam, "and am 
curious to know the distinctions in ritual and manner be- 
tween the various denominations." 

" That," said Kelso, " would undoubtedly be useful to 
you. Many of the prejudices maintained between opposing 



56 LORD BANTAM. 

sects would melt away or be qualified by more intimate con- 
tact with them. I have been often struck A\-ith the igno- 
rance displayed by polemical disputants of the real practice 
and belief of their antagonists. In many cases, no doubt, 
a hopeless want of human sympathy or a dishonest indiffer- 
ence prevents men from acquiring such knowledge." 

They agreed to visit some of the dissenting chapels, and, 
as a specimen of their experiences, it is necessary that I 
should describe the first introduction of the young aristocrat 
and churchman to an unfamiliar phase of Protestantism. 

One day the tutor and his pupil, in the course of a long 
walk from Shufflestraw Castle, returning through the town 
of Ffowlsmere, noticed a placard on an obscure chapel of 
the sort that sometimes crouch in the neighborhood of old 
towTi churches. It announced that the Reverend Dr. Roper, 
a famous leader among the Primitive Christians, would 
preach at a certain service to be held in the chapel on the 
succeeding evening, and that after the service a love-feast 
would be held. 

Kelso seized the opportunity. 

" You cannot do better than go to this," said he ; "I have 
heard this man, who really has a great deal of originality, 
and the ' love-feast ' is sure to acquaint you with an interest- 
ing phase of enthusiasm." 

Accordingly, the next evening the two slipped away from 
the castle. The chapel was a rectangular structure of 
brick, with a false pediment of the same material. On the 
frieze below it, in stucco letters, were the words. 



CATHOLICISM. 57 



ZEBOIM. 
1789. 

Within, it presented an array of high, narrow pews on the 
floor, galleries supported on wooden columns, which exhibited 
an alarming tendency to bulge, and a pulpit in shape having 
the appearing of a red mahogany tulip exalted on a very in- 
adequate stem. To this a serpentine staircase afforded ac- 
cess. Entering the gallery the gentlemen found that the 
seats seemed designed to prove that purgatory might exist 
on earth, and therefore need not be looked for half-way to 
heaven. But the people appeared unconscious of discom- 
fort. They were of a class somewhat novel to the church- 
going young lord : many women, tradespeople, small farm- 
ers, laborers and domestics. Some of them had walked ten 
or twelve miles to hear the preacher, and would afterwards 
walk home again without gnmibling. As Lord Bantam 
looked round, he observed a freedom of demeanor, which 
indicated that for them the place itself had no special sacred- 
ness. 

Some talked, one or two men retained their hats, but 3 
few seemed to be engaged in silent prayer. Presently a 
small door behind the pulpit opened, and two or three 
oersons came out, one a short, stout man, with a round 
face, straight black hair, and a large mouth, his white, ex- 
pansive, and untidy necktie designating the preacher of the 
day. The others were clearly official brethren of some 
weight in the community, one of whom Lord Bantam 
recognized as the principal grocer of Ffowlsmere. 
3* 



58 LORDBANTAM. 

Instant silence fell upon the congregation as the heavy- 
looking minister slowly labored up the corkscrew staircase 
to the pulpit, holding the rails on either hand, and creaking 
the steps with his weight as he went. Once up and shut 
sharply into the tulip by the attendant, he knelt in prayer, 
and on rising opened the book before him and gave out a 
hymn. When he had read the hymn through, he re-read the 
first two lines. A pause ensued. It was clear the musical 
resources of the meeting were limited. The minister looked 
round calmly and said : 

" Is there no one who can start the tune ?" 

Lord Bantam smiled, but a whisper from Kelso warned 
him not to allow his own sense of ecclesiastical decorum to 
warp his judgment. 

"This is unusual to you," said he ; "but nothing really 
absurd has happened as yet. With these people, you see, 
religion is quite an at home affair." 

No one seem inclined to " start the tune," whereupon in 
a cheery voice the minister himself led off to a jolly air, 
which was instantly taken up with spirit by the whole con- 
gregation, Lord Bantam finding himself irresistibly drawn 
into the performance. After reading a lesson from Scrip- 
ture, Dr. Roper knelt down, and waiting a few seconds for 
the establishment of perfect stillness, began in a low, well- 
managed tone, a prayer that seemed to strike and thrill 
through every fibre of the people's hearts. He appeared to 
have forgotten everything but the Maker above and the 
creatures below — the majesty of the one, the abjectness of 



CATHOLICISM. 59 

the Other ; and as one or other idea came uppermost in his 
mind, his voice rose and rung like a war-shout, or fell into 
the whisper of penitential sorrow and entreaty. Young 
Bantam had often heard the Bishop of Dunshire animadvert 
on the irregular extempore exercitations of sectaries, but 
as his eyes shot down the eager drops upon the floor, he 
bore witness to a power which, whatever its results, had 
never been present to him elsewhere. One peculiarity 
about it was, however, obnoxious to the young man. The 
Doctor was praying, but he was also preaching. Every 
now and then his doctrine came out in some strong, sharp 
proposition which prefaced its appropriate entreaty. 

"We know, O God, that Thou art a Judge — terrible in 
Thy power ! inflexible in Thy justice ! that to be consistent 
with Thyself Thou must and wilt punish the wicked. Yet, 
how merciful Thou art ! providing a Saviour in Christ : and 
here are sinners before Thee — men and women lost in sin, 
who have never sought Thee, who know not the love of 
Jesus, who have not found peace in their Saviour, who have 
not realized the power of His redeeming blood, who have 
not put on the robes of His righteousness : they are dead 
in trespasses and sins, they are lost to grace, they descend 
the paths of destruction. Hell opens its mouth unto them 
with eternal fires — O God of mercy, have mercy, and — 

" ' — snatch them from tl)e burning grave ! ' " 

The congregation grew gradually excited, the occasional 
"aniens" gave place to fervent and repeated exclamations 



6o LORDBANTAM. 

from all parts of the building. A low wail here and there 
showed some conscience-stricken soul to be giving vent to its 
feelings, and Lord Bantam began to feel it too painful to be 
endured. At length the man ceased, and changing his tone 
rapidly repeated the Lord's Prayer. As he ended, a great 
sigh went up from the people, and a general movement for 
a few moments delayed the service. The minister stood 
wiping the beads from his face. He had been having a 
strong wrestle with Satan. Moved as Bantam was, he 
thought all this in shockingly bad taste, but he began never- 
theless to have a respect for the preacher. After another 
hymn had been sung, Dr. Roper announced his text : " It is 
a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ 
Jesus came into the world to save sinners." 

He began at the last word, and painted in lively colors the 
"natural state of man." He showed him lost and hopeless, 
and with powerful fancy and pathos depicted his certain fate 
in the defect of any succor. He unquestionably reached 
the imagination of his hearers with his striking description of 
the sorrows and penalties of sin ; while his analysis of the 
consciousness of it was singularly complete and starthng. 
Then he showed that Christ Jesus came to save such sinners, 
and briefly declared the nature and operation of the Atone- 
ment. To this succeeded a perfectly irrelevant and gratuit- 
ous attack on various other churches ! 

His exegesis was simple, and his treatment of many points 
novel and graphic. It was clear that he was more careful to 
bring these points home to his hearers' hearts than to work 



CATHOLICISM. 6l 



out a symmetrical and logical discourse. He concluded 
with a powerful appeal to them to " accept the Cross," and 
begin at once a self-dedication to holy life. 

Simple as were the elements of the discourse, the effect 
upon the hearers was very potent. Some could not restrain 
their feelings, and had sunk upon their knees sobbing or 
groaning. 

The preacher took advantage of the excitement. He an- 
nounced that the service would be " protracted" for a while, 
and in a few words invited those who were " convinced of 
sin to come up to the communion-rail," where " Brothers 
Patton and Simpson would receive them." Meanwhile the 
congregation was intreated to pray heartily for the "in- 
quirers." What was the young lord's astonishment to see 
several persons respond to this invitation, and go forward 
to kneel in front of the congregation while fervent prayers 
were offered on their behalf. Every now and then some 
cheery soul in the crowd set up a spontaneous hymn, 
which was instantly joined in by the people. At the end 
of half an hour it was announced that " a brother and 
sister had found peace," and prayers were intreated for 
others " under conviction." The service was concluded, and 
the people, in a subdued and solemn manner, prepared to de- 
part, such of them remaining as were entitled to attend the 
love feast. Kelso had already obtained permission from one 
of the " leaders " to be present at this meeting. 

* * 

* 



62 LORD BANTAM. 



VI. — Agape. 

To the love-feast, persons were admitted by small tokens 
or tickets. "When these had been verified, and one of the 
brethren had been invited by Dr. Roper to "engage in 
prayer," baskets containing soft plain biscuits were handed 
round, followed by large jugs of water, out of which the cel- 
ebrants drank without the medium of cups. This simple 
service was performed in silence. The preacher then op- 
ened the more serious part of the proceedings with a brief 
address, which concluded with an intimation that it was free 
to the brothers or sisters " to give their experience." 

*' I feel how good the Lord is," said a man with his eyes 
shut and in a trembling voice. " He brought me out of the 
miry clay. He set my feet upon a rock — He hath estab- 
lished my goings. I served the Devil many years. He 
tried me sorely, I was the prey of evil passions. I used 
to gamble, drink, and neglect my work. I was fast going 
down to Hell. \Vlien my Saviour stopped me, I was in the 
gall of bitterness. One evening as I was going from my 
work, intending to visit the theatre, a man came up to me 
in the street and gave me a tract. He looked at me and 
said, " The way of transgressors is hard." I could not get 
it out of my mind. I felt my way was hard. It led me to 
waste, folly, and ruin. It made every morning a pain with 
remorse for the deeds of the night before. It made my 
work unhappy — my amusements were irksome. I read the 



AGAPE. 63 

tract. It was addressed To the ungodly. I trembled, I be- 
came convinced of sin, I went on my knees and prayed, but 
could get no comfort. The heavens seemed black above 
me. I was in that state for weeks — till one day I happened 
to be passing a Chapel. I heard singing, and went in — and 
there I found peace. I have ever since been walking in the 
way of life. Glory be to God. I am weak, but Christ is 
strong." 

Lord Bantam had listened attentively. 

" There is nothing so repulsive in that," whispered Kelso, 
" granting the Christian premises, this man has very simply 
told a very ordinary experience." 

After a long silence, an old woman stood up, and detailed 
her story in blank-verse sentences, with a quavering sing- 
song, in this wise : 

I want tu tell ov my luv for Jesus, 

'Ee luved me an' I luv "im. 

'Ee av ben a good Siiviour tu me : 

'Ee 'av a' ben my friend these many 'yers. 

An' shall be ontu death. 

I remembers well 'ow first 'Ee cum tu me. 

I wos young an' silly fond ov vanity an' shaw — 

'ow good of 'im to bear wi' miiy sins ! — 

1 'ardened my yeart agenst the 'Oly Wurd. 
My fiiather and muther besowt mc tu giv 
My yeart.tu 'im — 

But I woold not : 
I luved the Oorld, the flesh an' the Devil. 
The day it was 'Ee cum to me — 
I remembers it clear as yesternday i 
I wos goin' hout in the gloamin' tu the well for water. 
An' suddintly, jist as I wos a unyoalking the pital, 
I saw a bright light drup down upon the well. 
It were like a ball o' fire — an' I yeard 'im siiy to me, 
" Meary, why do 'ee 'ate me? I am yower Saviour." 
— An' I swoonded away ! 



64 LORD BANTAM. 

MTien I cum tu I began to pray. 
Thank God I found peace, an' ever since 
I've served my Saviour, 
Glory be to God. Aiimen. 

The old woman subsided amidst a chorus of glories, and 

Bantam and his tutor took advantage of the break to get 

away. 

* * 

VII. — Human sympathy in its influence on Catholicity. 

The young lord was for some time lost in thought. So 
novel and so extraordinary had been the experience of the 
night that it seemed to him like a dream — and I am bound 
to say not a pleasant one. It is a very rude transition from 
the impassioned dignity and self-control of refined culture or 
a cool temperament to hysterical emotion and vulgar unre- 
straint. At length he broke silence. 

Bantam. I hardly know what to think of this. It rakes 
one's feehngs very uncomfortably. Yet, I must confess to a 
strange influence upon me. 

Kelso. There would no doubt be a certain amount of 
emotional sympathy amidst such excitement. But try to 
form a judgment on it. 

Bantam. I am puzzled. I must own we have witnessed 
earnestness, anxiety, and talent of a peculiar sort in the 
high business of ' saving souls.' We have also seen appar- 
ently genuine feelings of shame, humiliation, anguish, confes- 
sion, on the part of persons who were unused to such emo- 
tions. There must have been people at that Communion 



HUMAN SYMPATHY. 65 

rail — as the preacher called it — who two or three hours 
since had as much intention o£ going to the moon as of ex- 
posing themselves publicly under the influence of acute 
feeling. How long does this last ? 

Kelso. With many of them it rapidly passes away, with 
others it is clearly genuine. It completely alters their lives. 
Believe me this is so. 

Bantam. But it seems so irrational. 

Kelso. But it is Sifact, and you and I are arguing on 
the basis of revelation and of a faith in most points common 
with that of these people. You are discontented more at 
the manner of its action than at the results or the cause of 
it. 

Bantam. Yes. Their wild emotions, their strange expres- 
sions, their crude form of worship, their still more singular 
exposure of inner feelings and secrets too sacred, I should 
think, for display to the curiosity of a public meeting, test 
my charity very much. Are these things consistent with 
reverence, humility, self-forgetfulness and sincerity. 

Kelso. Experience has proved that they are. Many 
men of as refined a nature as yours have become familiar 
Avith these scenes, have themselves passed through such ex- 
periences and have afterwards been able to join in them 
with pleasure. Take Wesley himself for an instance. 

Bantam. I could not possibly become accustomed to this 
sort of thing. 

Kelso. Possibly : but it might be owing more to want of 
sympathy in yourself than to any real defect in the people. 



66 LORD BANTAM. 



This is the religion that suits them — less emotional forms 
please others — but you must have learned enough to-night 
to cause you to look with I'espect and charity even on dem- 
onstrations like these, I admit that they contain many ob- 
jectionable elements. 

Bantam. Then there was the old woman ! She is a trial 
to your theory. She repeated that odd and utterly incred- 
ible story as if she had learned it off by heart. 

Kelso. No doubt she has by constant repetition. 

Bantam. But it is untrue. 

Kelso. Not quite. Consider her age. What she affects 
to describe must have happened nearly sixty years ago. I 
can account for it satisfactorily ; so do most of those who 
hear her. They take it in the figurative sense in which, in 
her younger days, no doubt, she originally used to couch the 
recital of her conversion. Gradually the poor old soul, from 
constant brooding on it, has come to believe that the spir- 
itual influence, which she used to liken to a fire and a voice, 
did reach her through visible and audible realities, and it 
does not harm her. She believes in the real thing, which is 
after all the great matter. 

Bantam. These are phenomena to be studied. I never 
looked at them in this way before. 

Kelso. Very few people do. It needs a large human 
sympathy to understand the varieties of human feeling and 
to overlook the mere accidents of its expression. Cultivate 
that, and you will be astonished to find how many barriers 
will be broken down between you and your human brothers. 



AT THE UNIVERSITY. 6^ 

Bantam's method of applying Kelso's principles turned out 

to be wrong, but to candid men the principles must answer 

for themselves. 

* * 
* 

VIII.— At the University. 

It was resolved that the second Lord Bantam should go 
for a year to the sister university. The inexpediency of 
sending him to the scene of his brother's errors was obvious. 
He was therefore entered at the ancient foundation of St. 
Thomas, in the University of Oxbridge. No one expected 
him either to work or to win University honors, but it could 
not be otherwise than a good thing for him to mix in learned 
society. Up to this time, as we have seen, he had had the 
advantages of almost hothouse forcing in every branch of 
learning ; of travel ; of a precocious introduction to politics, 
and of intercourse with an extraordinarily vigorous and origi- 
nal mind. As to religion, he had only I fear brought away 
the lesson to be broad without being deep. In fact, admir- 
able and genial as was Kelso's teaching, it could only take 
root and bear fruit in a groundwork of faith : not the faith of 
dogmas ; not a faith formulated in however perfect a creed ; 
but a faith infonning — to use that word in its ancient sense 
— the life. So different are the outshoots of the same things 
in different grounds ! Bantam never had a religion — he 
therefore had none to lose. The charities which his tutor 
so earnestly enforced upon him, were to him sentiments ; 
they were not living experiences of his soul. 



68 LORDBANTAM, 



In the University an undergraduate so eminent as our hero 
in both name and prospects was sure to find free to him tlie 
cream of its intellectualism. From the venerable master of 
his College, from a well-known coterie of mutual admirers in 
literature and philosophy to obscurer religious or political 
associations, he was everywhere welcome. A disciple so ex- 
alted, such a consociate, was a tower of strength to any theory. 
The benefit of the strangely diversified intercourse this posi- 
tion afforded him, was real enough, but not unalloyed with 
evil. Opinions in themselves worth little, were by the hear- 
ers of tliem weighted with undue gravity when they fell from 
his lips, and it is not strange that he came to form an extrav- 
agant estimate of himself. Moreover, the ease with which 
tolerably clear views of various subjects could be acquired by 
him in conversation with some of the ablest talkers of the day, 
tended to divert him from the more thorough and trouble- 
some labor of studying them for himself Hence by a 
semi-royal road the child of fortune became an adept without 
being a student. 

His disposition was to philosophic reading and disquisi- 
tion ; and, whether owing most to his hair or the unlucky 
vaccination or Mr. Kelso's arguments, I cannot say, he 
soon began to develop "advanced" — even revolutionary 
tendencies. He affected reading considerably beyond him 
at that stage of his life — Voltaire, Rousseau, Comte, 
Bentliam, Emerson — and it proved the wisdom of Agricola's 
mother as described by Tacitus, that these difficult autliors 



THE RADISH CLU 5-. 69 

seemed to throw oflf its balance his too ardent and ambitious 

mind. 

* * 
* 

IX.— The Radish Club. 

Two clubs of essentially different character at tliis time 
existed in Oxbridge. One was the Radish Club, so called 
from the color of its opinions and perhaps from their pun- 
gency. The Radish Club consisted of what were termed 
"advanced men." It was said their ideas were revolution- 
ary, but when these came to be examined they were found 
to be consistent with a great deal of liberalism to existing 
intititutions. True, some of the opinions enunciated by the 
young gentlemen, and two or three professors whose names 
alone gave any lustre to the club, were startling. Appar- 
ently nothing short of an abolition of Queens, Lords and 
Commons, and a periodical redistribution of property, 
would satisfy this blood-red association. At the time, 
nothing could be less practical or more foolish than such an 
association. Any one who attentively studied the constitu- 
tion of England must have seen that with all its faults it was 
far better adapted to the best purposes of legislative Reform 
than any other governmental institution in the world. It 
might in fact be correctly termed a Republican Monarchy, 
and as, after all, forms of government and political recon- 
struction are only means to an end, it was well worth 
considering whether the constitution did not afford every 
facility for safe and sure social reforms, and whether these 



70 LORDBANTAM. 

were not the matters that at the moment required the 

gravest attention. But for youths possessed of the " incen- 

sum ac fiagrantem animujn" as well — alas ! — as for some 

statesmen of maturer growth, the brilliancy of political 

revolution seems to be more attractive than the humble 

utilitarian movements of social reform. It is doubtful 

whether tliese earnest gentlemen were all so anxious for the 

success of their opinions as for the sweets of notoriety. 

Even a tin kettle at the tail may seem to some animals 

better than absolute oblivion and silence. However, here 

Bantam was to be persuaded that he himself was an anomaly 

— a living specimen of unjust laws and unwise political 

economy ; that the monarch was an anachronism ; that the 

purest and best form of government was a republic ; that 

the proper check to the danger of a republic was education 

and the minority system of representation ; and with this 

singular programme, and a denial of all religious ideas, this 

club was prepared to go forth and regenerate or enlighten 

mankind. In tiiis large project it has hitherto failed, and 

we have yet to see its influence upon that unit of man, 

Lord Bantam. 

* * 

X. — The Essenes. 

The other club was a religious club, or rather, a club with- 
out a religion, since it subjected all faiths to the a priori 
test, and found them wanting ; and up to that time had been 
unable to construct by any eclectic formulae a system of its 



THEESSENES. 71 



own. It was breadth without length or any substance. 
With that strange straining after paradox thr.t was in vulgar 
use at the time, the members called themselves The Essenes, 
although in fact they combined the self-conceit of the Phar- 
isees with the scepticism of the Sadducees. The meetings 
of this club, which Avere held on Sunday evenings, took 
place in the rooms of a fellow and tutor of some eminence, 
whose father, the Rev. Shadrach Ventom, had been a fa- 
mous dissenting minister. His son, Reginald Ventom, dis- 
tinguishing himself at a grammar school, won a mathemati- 
cal schoVarsliip, and with a robust body and unwearied in- 
dustry attained the position of Senior Wrangler. Of no 
particular religious bias, he had not permitted his father's 
creed to interfere with his own elevation, and had qualified 
for a fellowship by making a declaration that was untnie — 
an event too common to be worth criticising in this instance. 
With equal indifference, and for the same purpose, he adopted 
the clerical profession. Let any one read carefully the Ser- 
vice for the Ordination of Deacons in the Book of Common 
Prayer, if he would gauge the unconscientious nature of this 
proceeding and the deadness of a moral sense which could 
face that solemn ordeal with indifference, much more with 
disdain. I cannot say it affected his belief. He had never 
been troubled with any. His mind was large — his body 
healthy — his instincts were animal — he was wide in his sym- 
pathies, though these to a shrewd observer seemed rather 
assumed and sensational — easy-going rather than principled 
in his charity. He thought he was always looking for truth. 



72 LORD BANTAM. 



but in fact he was never expecting to find it. From the 
narrowness of his father's creed he had turned with abhor- 
rence. It was far too exacting, too inspired with the idea of 
sacrifice, for a man unprepared to concede to any reUgion 
more than a fraction of his being. He sought for, and was 
content with, a general average of good in mankind ; that 
is, in all portions not "Evangelical." Towards that section 
whom he called " Calyinists," he ceased to be charitable ; he 
was vindictive. 

Round him Ventom had attracted a coterie of similarly 
ersy-fitting minds. These gentlemen made the loudest pro- 
fessions of catholicity. They took an ostentatious interest 
in lower-class propagandism. Their humanity was extrava- 
gant. Their sentimental protests against evil and wrong 
were even exaggerated. Their breadth was enormous. 
They professed to find in Quakerism symptoms of " a phil- 
osophic basis of practical religion ; " viewed in Methodism, 
" some aspects of the highest evidences of an emotional 
spiritualism ; " and studied Mormonism in its phenomena 
of " an abnormal development of one of the divine ideas." 
In their researches among these " peculiar phases of fetish- 
ism" they also included investigations into the unnatural 
outbreaks of human enthusiasm, whereof a work of some 
notoriety, entitled " Hyper-Transcendent Spouses," was a 
fitting text-book. They were Athenian in their readiness to 
hear every new thing — but their credulity was reserved for 
negatives. Compare diis with the lesson which Kelso had 



THEESSENES. 73 



drawn for the young Lord from their singular visits to vari- 
ous sectarian services. 

It is impossible to deny the charm wherewith this breadth 
of theoretic sympathy enveloped this society. It seemed as 
if the millennium had dawned in a few preliminary streaks 
upon a dozen or two of common-place students in that un- 
likely place. No man's faith was actually despised — nor wa§ 
any man's unbelief matter of abhorrence. They professed 
to be scientific searchers after truth, and regarded the relig- 
ions as part of their facts. A ■priori was their watchword 
against an antiquated authoritative formula, Thus saith the 
Lord. If it was an advantage of their religious art that it had 
no principle, it was a natural correlative of it that had no 
practice. 

Between these two associations Lord Bantam's principles 
and politics assumed an alarming shape. He began to as- 
tonish his tutors by his political contortions and the breadth 
of his disbelief; but throwing over faith is not throwing over 
credulity. In fact he became a conspicuous instance of 
that increasingly common paradox, a credulous believer in 
anything that is unbelief This was very far beyond Mr. 
Kelso, and doubtless a partial reason of his extravagance 
was, that he had heard Mr. Kelso's conclusions, without 
reaching the bases of that vast fabric of knowledge on which 
they were built. The change was gradual. He at first pro- 
fessed to be a Catholic in the broadest sense — to recognize 
the good in all, the pre-eminence of none. Then he dis- 
claimed the superiority of the Bible over other philosophical 



74 LORD BANTAM. 

or religious authorities, and shifted the tests from the field of 
revelation to that of d, priori reasoning This is dangerous, 
unless a man has an almost infinite range of knowledge, for 
a priori to ignorant or half-instructed minds is little else than 
Ego. 

The bonds of religion and the restraints of society be- 
came equal wrongs in his eyes. He saw in property a rob- 
bery of the community by a selfish individual. He saw in 
Church and Dogma a tyranny over the individual by the 
community. These anomalies it would be his duty to help 
to redress. He was clearly unfitting himself for the respec- 
table superstition and the selfish complacency necessary to 
sustain the role of an aristocrat. 



« in 

* 



PART IV. ^ 

HOW HE CAME TO YEARS OF DISCRETION AND 
OTHERWISE. 

I. — Citizen Bantam. 

Lord Bantam returned home from the University. He 
might now claim to be somewhat of a man. His title had 
brought him in contact with men who without it would 
scarcely have condescended to talk with him. The care 
taken with his education had produced some fruit in qualify- 
ing him to take a prominent position at the Union. His 
reputation as a fluent speaker had transcended the bounds 
of the University. He was shortly to come of age. The 
Earl and Countess had been considering plans for those vast 
festivities which were, in accordance with aristocratic custom, 
to signalize this event. The stewards of the various estates, 
manors, mines and properties, had been invited to send 
suggestions for the proper celebration, in their respective 
jurisdictions, of the heir's majority ; and the Earl's chamber- 
lain was over head and ears in plans, estimates and contracts 
connected with the approaching fetes. The Countess re- 
ferred to the trouble one day in a jocose manner to her son, 
who, having taken earnestly to the study of the French phil- 
osophy, paid little attention to family matters. 

" You must really throw away your books for a while," 
said she, "and help us in devising how to bring you out 



76 LORDBANTAM. 



with due honor. It's an affair of months, for you know we 
have thousands of people to provide for." 

" To provide for thousands of people ! What for ? " 

" For the fetes on your coining of age. The heir to the 
wealthiest earldom in England must have no ordinary rejoic- 
ings on attaining his majority." 

"Rejoicings! My dear mother, what is a birthday? 
And what is the good of rejoicing because I have attained a 
certain anniversary? You would put me on a par with 
young Foley, who is the greatest idiot I know : and they say 
his people spent ten thousand pounds to celebrate his 
reaching the indifferent age of twenty-one years. Surely, 
my father," he added, with a twinkle of satire, " won't waste 
any money on my majority." 

~ " Indeed, he will," replied her ladyship, " and more than 
ten thousand if it is necessary. On a matter of that kind no 
one shall surpass us." 

" Well then, my dear mother, let me tell you what to do 
with the money. Give it away, and spare the folly and 
license and absurdity of such an exhibition in a civilized 
country." 

" Folly, Albert ! License ! Absurdity ! in a civilized 
country. What do you mean ? " 

" I mean that I am ashamed of my position, one I have 
done nothing to deserve, and one quite inconsistent with 
social rights. Altogether, I am pained that I should succeed 
to so much while others succeed to nothing ; and my claim 
to a title ought not to depend on my being born to it, but 



CITIZEN BANTAM. 77 

should be proved by my work. I am entirely opposed to 
an aristocracy at all, and only wish I had been born in a 
garret. Instead of spending money on fetes, we should be 
ashamed to celebrate our own monstrous selfishness." 

" Good God ! " said the Countess, " what has befallen 
you ? How wildly you are talking. Why, sir, you don't 
deserve your good fortune. Born in a garret forsooth ! Oh, 
I see," added the poor Countess, covering her eyes as his 
red hair flashed upon them, but too good a woman and too 
noble a lady to allude to that to her son, " that horrid vac- 
cination ! I knew it would be so ! " 

" Vaccination, Lady Ffowlsmere ; what can that have to 
do with my opinions ? " 

" You were vaccinated from that Radical child, and I am 
sure it has affected you," said the Countess, having recourse 
to her handkerchief 

Bantam heard of his Radical inoculation for the first time, 
and was highly amused, not to say gratified, to learn that he 
had some vulgar fluid in his body. He strove to comfort 
his mother, while he smiled at her superstition, at the same 
time assuring her that he could not conscientiously allow 
himself to be made the subject of any foolish demonstrations. 
He preferred to be considered "Citizen Bantam," and to 
give away a few thousands in charity would please him bet- 
ter than many rejoicings and feasts. I need not say that 
every word he spoke was making the Countess worse. His 
vaccination had "taken" with a vengeance. 

* * 
* 



78 LORDBANTAM. 



II. — A Rank Communist. 

The Countess said not a word to the Earl about her curi- 
ous conversation with our hero. The preparations went on. 
She wisely resolved to allow her husband to find out his 
son's views for himself. The denoxlment was not long in 
coming. 

One morning the trio were seated at the breakfast table in 
Hiton Place, her ladyship sipping her coffee, the young 
lord deep in the leaders of the Chimes, and the Earl reading 
his letters, when an unusually excited exclamation from the 
peer startled his companions. 

Bantam. What's the matter, my lord? 

Earl. That stupid fellow Cringeley, steward of my Pen- 
slnirst property, has failed in an action of ejectment ; it will 
cost me a pretty penny. He wrote me he was certain of 
succeeding, as he had retained all the best counsel on the 
Circuit. Now he tells me that the tenant specially retp.ined 
that clever fellow Hawkeye, the sharpest advocate in 
England, and they've succeeded — not even a point of law 
reserved by the Chief Justice. 

Bantam. What was the point ? 

Earl. The tenant Turfman has a long lease at a low 
rental, and has been at sword's-point with my people down 
tlfere for the last five years. They have been keeping a 
sharp lookout on him, in hope of finding a chance to turn 
him out — he's rather a speculative, needy sort of fellow I 



A R A N K C O M IM U N I S T . 79 

_ 

think : actually stood for Parliament once — a tenant farmer 
— stood for the House, and was beaten two to one, and 
served him right. His property lies very awkwardly right 
across the estate, and somehow or other he tricked old Ball, 
Cringele/s predecessor, into giving him a lease with right to 
destroy all the ground game. Since then rabbits have be- 
come very valuable, and if it were not for that restraint on 
the game, the whole of which he prevents from crossing the 
estate, we could make ^200 a year out of that alone. But 
this infernal fellow comes between. He keeps terriers, and 
not a single lop-ear dare show itself his side of the hedge. 

Bantam. But you don't mean to say, my lord, you object 
to that? Ground game destroy cultivation. It's contrary 
to good management to encourage it at all. I wouldn't 
have a lop-ear on my estate. And the man has his rights, 
has he not ? Is it a question of money ? 

Earl. Why, sir, of course it is; I'm entitled to make 
all I can out of my property. 

BaUtam. Yes, subject to his rights legal and moral, and 
your duties legal and moral, my lord ; and I may also add, 
the proper economy of society. 

Earl. I am aware of that. Lord Bantam, except as to 
what you call " the proper economy of society," which I 
take to be that every man must look out for himself ; but 1 
may be allowed to regret, that owing to the folly of my for- 
mer agent I am proscribed from controlling my own estate : 
and owing to the incapacity of the present one, I have not 
recovered that power. 



So LORDBANTAM, 



Bantam. But, my dear father, do you mean to say that 
you have put this poor fellow to the expense of defending 
his tenancy, because your agent thought he had detected 
some flaw in his conduct which worked a forfeiture of his 
lease ? 

Earl. Good heavens ! sir, why not ? 

Bantam. Why, my lord, because it is inhuman and un- 
just for you, a great Earl, with an immense income, to take 
advantage of any such circumstances to injure, perhaps to 
ruin a man who happens to be inconvenient to you. Ad- 
mitting you were legally right, it seems to me that agent of 
yours has acted most iniquitously, and you ought to pay tlie 
poor man's expenses. If not, you will have used your su- 
perior wealth and position to damage the rights of a man en- 
titled to perfect equality with you, before God and the coun- 
try. 

Earl. Heyday, my young moralist, what have " God 
and the country " to do with my property at Penshurst, I 
wonder? And hasn't the man an equality, as you call it? 
He goes before a jury, and gets his rights just as I do. 

BANTA^L No, he has not an equality. He seems to have; 
that is to say the law treats him exactly as it treats you, but 
you have the advantage. You can afford to be indiflferent to 
the result, he cannot. Cringeley widi your money bought 
up all the available talent of the Circuit to help to win your 
case — which if it were an honest one ought not to need it 
— in the hope of gaining an unfair advantage. That is legal, 
but is it fair dealing between man and man ? He was 



A RANK. COMMUNIST. 



luckily able to checkmate you, by getting a first-class advo- 
cate ; but I suppose at great expense, perhaps a ruinous one. 
He has not been treated generously, or as one fellow-citizen 
ought to be treated by another ; therefore I take it he is 
wronged. This is not social communism or equality of 
rights. 

The Earl was accustomed to command his temper, or he 
might have received this harangue with a resentment fatal to 
the forward young gentleman's political education. He gave 
a long low whistle. 

Earl. What do you think of that, Lady Ffowlsmere? 
Social Communism I Equality of Rights ! is that what you 
have learnt at Oxbridge ? However (said the old diplomat, 
smiling), you may thank your stars, sir, that your condition 
and prospects will compel you to di'op these dangerous here- 
sies. A man with a half a million a year is not likely to be 
a Communist. 

The young lord stoutly maintained, amid deprecating cries 
from his mother, that he was a Communist and in favor of 
an equal distribution of property. The Earl became amused. 
The joke was too good. For the wealthiest man in England 
to advocate Communism, was like a bishop preaching the 
untruthfulness of Moses. So he terminated the discussion 
by retreating to his library, where for a long time he might 
have been heard whistling. 

There was a rich merchant of Rotterdfun— 
And every morning he said, " I am 
The richest merchant in Rotterdam." 



4* 



LORD BANTAM 



— " and," said he to himself, " a Communist ! He ! He ! 

He!" 

* * 
* 

III. — A School for fledgling Nobles. 

Lord Ffowlsmere was a shrewd, long-headed man. He 
maintained towards his son the most perfect kindliness. His 
policy, declared to and approved by the Countess, was to 
offer no opposition to the young lord's whims. He even 
compromised the majority matter. There was to be but 
one celebration at Shufiflestraw Castle, to which all his 
Shufiflestraw tenants and the inhabitants generally of the 
town of Ffowlsmere were to be invited. For the rest, the 
day was to be signalized by concessions to the tenants on 
the various estates, and by the distribution of gifts to vast 
numbers of employes. Moreover sundry charities were to 
be some thousands the better of the heir's majority. 

The distressing peculiarities of the youth led the Earl to 
consider that it would be healthy to divert his attention as 
soon as possible from theoretic and philosophic to practical 
politics. In working out these, he conceived, his son's 
ideas would gradually be led to harmonize more completely 
with the spirit of the age and the principles proper to his 
station. He took an opportunity of broaching this to Lord 
Bantam, suggesting that soon after he was qualified he 
should prepare himself to take a seat in the House of Com- 
mons. Valuable institution, which aftbrds a free school of 
politics to an unoccupied aristocracy ! 



A SCHOOL FOR FLEDGLING NOBLES, 83 

" Every young man in your position should obtain a seat 
in the Lower House first. It brings him in contact with the 
most powerful body in the kingdom, and with men who are 
the best tutors in political principles and tactics. It also 
enables him to judge of the tendency of present legislation, 
and is a training-school for office, should he have the ability 
to obtain it. The actual power of the House of Peers as a 
House is decreasing, but that decrease of power may be 
partially balanced by taking every opportunity to acquire, 
through relatives or nominees, increased representation in 
the Lower Chamber. As leader of the party in the Upper 
House I shall no doubt be able to seat you. I have several 
places of my own, but I think you should aim at some pop- 
ular constituency, where your return would be a triumph to 
you and an actual gaia of influence to me. I can always 
get safe men for my boroughs." 

" I am sure, my lord," said the incorrigible Bantam, " you 
are sincerely anxious for my welfare ; but I am very sorry 
that neither my opinions nor my ambition coincide with 
yours. A man should go into Parliament with a purpose, 
with some inspiration of a duty to be done ; not as the tool 
of his party, or even of his own ambition " 

" Oh ! hang your opinions," says the Earl ; " I'll take the 
risk of that. I want you to learn politics — " 

" But how can I possibly work with you, my dear father ? 
I am a Radical, you are a Prig. I wish to see all undue 
influences in the State neutralized ; you wish to strengthen 
them. You desire to give the people exactly the least 



84 LORDBANTAM 



freedom that will pacify them. I wish to see complete and 
unqualified acknowledgment of their just rights. I cannot 
help deeming myself the most unfortunate man in the 
world ! There is no scope for my ambition. I am placed 
on an aristocratic tramway ; I must either run along it, or 
run off to ruin and confusion." 

" Most fortunate for you, Sir, that you are so restricted. 
Many would be glad to change places with you. You are 
the most unreasonable man I ever heard of ! You are 
unworthy of your good fortune." 

" Good fortune, my lord ! The best fortune is a good 
conscience and a true aim in the world. And what are my 
hopes? Those of every young peer who keeps himself 
respectable. I may enter the House of Commons for a 
few years, and there by judicious airing of my democratic 
sympathies startle the middle-class men into raptures. I 
may even manage to absorb into my nature by a sort of en- 
dosmose" — 

" Hem ! " said the Earl. 
— " Some notion of the feelings and aspirations of the lower 
classes, and be enthusiastic a while against my own. But 
should you decease — which God avert in my lifetime ! — cus- 
tom decrees that I should cast away my private opinions 
and accept an uncongenial rule. In the House of Lords I 
could not be a democrat. The air would freeze my enthu- 
siasm. Vainly should I ply my lance against the hide of 
class prejudice ! I should become a bore, a nuisance, a 
malapert, a madman ; not only inside, but worst of all, out- 



^ A PROLETARIAN COMPLIMENT. 85 

side the House. I read somewhere the other day : The 
world never forgives a man for not succeeding in his own 
line of life. No other arena would be open to my ardent 
desire for propagandism, but that of which the stump is the 
rostrum ; and I fear if I tried it the people Avould soon tum- 
ble me off that as an asinine incongruity. Even the most 
extreme of them would never believe a peer, who practically 
disendowed and disestablished himself, to be a man of sense." 
" Hum," said the Earl ; who had noticed with some in- 
ward satisfaction, how precociously the young man express- 
ed and argued his views, the more since at the same time 
he recognized the barriers that shut him in from any other 
destiny. 

IV. — A Proletarian Compliment.- 

The festivities which marked Lord Bantam's attainment 
of manhood require no lengthened notice from the historian. 
In one respect they were remarkable, and I select that par- 
ticular as a subject of history. 

Shufflestraw Castle, through its broad sweep of lawn and 
park, its beechen walks, its terraces and courts, and even 
over its cold gray stones and battlemented towers, wore the 
brilliant tokens of a festal time. Flags and banners, tents 
and pavilions, triumphal arches and vast wreaths or festoons 
of leaves and flowers everywhere entertained the eye; while 
under and among them all thousands of brightly-dressed and 



86 LORD BANTAM. 

happy-faced people enlivened the scene. The sounds of 
trumpets or bands, the ringing shouts, the voices of some 
impromptu choir cheered the soft, sleepy air of a summer's 
day. Over the park, under the broad-timbered ancient 
beeches, far away by the glittering lake, and in and through 
the sloping tents thronged the tenants of the estate and the 
middle and lower classes of Ffowlsmere. In the castle- 
rooms, on its trim gardens, over its brilliantly flowered ter- 
races, among the gay pavilions circled the aristocracy of the 
county and the vast concourse of the Earl's relations. Staid 
elders chatted softly in the gilded summer-houses ; happy 
couples loitered in the pleached walks, or sat on the soft 
turf listening to the plash and bubble of the fountains ; 
youths and misses crowded the canvas theatre wherein the 
prima donnas of the day gave the tribute of their sweet 
voices to a young noble's birth — for a consideration. All 
went merry as a marriage-bell. 

But in the midst of this happiness there were two disturb- 
ing elements. One was the heir himself. He looked or 
affected to look with disgust upon the huge outcrj'^ made 
about so simple an occurrence as the anniversary of his 
birth. The other was nothing less than the obnoxious Broad- 
bent, now an old man of rugged and leonine aspect, the 
Nestor of the Socialists of Ffowlsmere, the person whose 
blood had tainted the body of Bantam with revolutionary 
matter. What was he doing at Shufflestraw Castle ? 

When notice was given to the Mayor and Council of 
Ffowlsmere that the noble Earl and Countess requested the 



A PROLETARIAN COMPLIMENT. 87 



honor of the company of the aforesaid dignitaries of the 
town and the rest of its inhabitants at the festivities to take 
place on tlie attainment of the majority of Lord Bantam ; 
and when they, in accordance with instructions to that effect, 
forwarded to every house a gilded and emblazoned card 
conveying this invitation and calling upon all good and loyal 
inhabitants to come forward and represent the town in a 
proper and becoming manner ; and when they proposed 
that an address to the Earl and his Lady and to the )'oung 
Lord, should be drawn up " for the auspicious occasion," 
and engrossed upon vellum in notable and brilliant charac- 
ters, Broadbent's brows bent with a portentous frown. 
Here was nobility patronizing the sovereign people. Not 
only that, it was trying to bribe them to acquiesce in their 
own enslavement in the old way, through " guzzling and 
soddening, getting at their hearts by way of their bellies," 
said Mr. B. And here were the guardians of the freedom 
of a free town proposing to " Kotow to a l>larik Fetish." 
]\lr. Broadbent determined all this should not pass unchal- 
lenged. He was a shoemaker, a man we have said of leo- 
nine countenance, grizzly, big-browed. Why is it that shoe- 
makers are so often revolutionary ? Is it that their cramped 
attitude, notwithstanding the hard muscular employment of 
their arms, induces indigestion and morbidity ? Mr. Broad- 
bent was a good talker, a strong thinker, well-read and as- 
tute. He concocted a remonstrance against the proposed 
address in terms the reverse of parliamentary, and sent it 
round to his compact little party for signature. The town 



88 LORD BANTAM, 



council considered it for three hours with closed doors, and 
eventually resolving " not to consider it, on account of its 
improper terms," returned it to the memorialists. Upon 
this Broadbent changed his tactics. He and his friends ac- 
cepted the invitations to the Castle ; and here they were all 
together, lying and talking apart from the general throng 
under a clump of trees in the park. It was clear they had 
something in hand. So the mayor and council thought, and 
so they suggested to the Earl's steward. Consequently, 
some of those gentlemen denominated " policemen in plain 
clothes" were always loitering in the neighborhood of this 
dangerous body. 

So the day wore on, and tables, groaning under noble 
loads, were rapidly released from the incubus, and oceans 
of jolly ale or finer tipples told, not only on the feelings, 
but on the spirits of the guests. At length a great bell rang 
out a signal for a general concourse, and preceded by a fine 
band a procession in which Lord Bantam occupied an 
honorable though awkward place, filing majestically out of 
the castle, wended its way to a gloriously decorated plat- 
form, in front of which on the green turf thousands of seats 
had been prepared. Then the addresses from tenants and 
others were delivered, and a general toast was drunk, and 
universal enthusiasm was culminating towards the point of 
the young lord's speech, when the aforesaid leonine head of 
Broadbent — an apparition at which the Countess shuddered 
and hid her face — was raised upon four strong shoulders, 
and he, holding up a scroll in his hand, in a steady voice 



A PROLETARIAN COMPLIMENT. 89 

asked leave to present the young lord with another address. 
At the same moment a few rough-looking Titans closed 
round the old man, while through the crowd as by one im- 
pulse twenty or thirty determined men evidently bent on 
dissolving the shoemaker's party, were seen converging on 
the spot. The clever old Earl took the cue in a moment. 
Holding up his hand for silence he called out : 

" I think I recognize Mr. Broadbent, an old friend. [Mr. 
Broadbent's grimace was a study.] I see he wishes to pre- 
sent some memorial. I am sorry we did not know of it be- 
fore, so as to have arranged for its reception ; but if you will 
kindly open the way for Mr. Broadbent and his friends, we 
will make room for them on the platform." 

In a few minutes, dukes, marquises, earls, and their cor- 
relatives in the female department had vacated twenty chairs 
in the very front and midst of that brilliant throng, and 
thither with the deepest gravity and attention the republicans 
were escorted by two stewards. They came up the back 
steps boldly enough, but when they stood out in face of the 
noble assemblage, and felt themselves riddled with the 
quiet, cynical stare of hundreds of eyes, they looked rather 
abashed. Even their leader was afflicted with awkwardness. 
But he recovered himself, like a wild beast at bay. 

" Earl Ffovvlsmere," he said, " I and my friends are here 
•to-day by your invitation, but not of our own liking. We 
are simple townsmen asking only our rights, and wishing to 
interfere with no one else's. You invited us ; we did not 
want to see your heir or to mix with your aristocratic 



90 LORDBANTAM. 

friends" — looking round on the imperturbable array about 
him their quiet hauteur stung him — " Some of them, per- 
haps," added he, "not the folk for honest people to mix 
with." 

There was a roar from the front, and the broad shoulders 
of hundreds of men rose uneasily from the seats among the 
crowd. Broadbent saw that he had only done a vulgar thing, 
and made some foolish sort of apology, which was received as 
imperturbably as the insult. A beckon from the Earl sent 
all the broad shoulders down beside wives and sweethearts 
again, and from that moment the whole assembly entered 
into the spirit of his treatment of this insolent intrusion. 
To resent it would be to pay it too high a compliment. 

Just at this moment. Lord Bantam stepped forward and 
held out his hand to Broadbent, who after a moment's hesi- 
tation shook it heartily. Then Broadbent went on : 

"Those who think with me — no offence meant — think 
that the day of aristocracy has gone by. We think it is a 
monstrous injustice that vast estates like this, with all these 
broad lands, jjretty as they are, should be kept for the 
amusement of a few select persons and not adapted for the 
benefit of all. You, Earl Ffowlsmere, never did anything to 
entitle you to your enormous wealth, never worked for it, 
and do little good with it ; and your son is the same. He 
takes it from you in the same way, and he will use or abuse 
it just as you do. And to-day you are celebrating the pre- 
liminary of that injustice, and I say your feast is taken from 
the poor man's table, and your joy is robbed from the poof 



A PROLETARIAN COMPLIMENT. 9I 

man's comfort, and your pleasure is bought with the poor 
man's blood." Another great roar from the crowd. Then 
Lord Bantam said : 

" I think, Mr. Broadbent, you have an address to present ; 
I shall be happy to receive it." 

" Oh, you want to stop my mouth, young man ? Well, 
it's no use talking, perhaps. By your leave I'll read you a 
short address," 

The old man placed his wide-awake on the platform, put 
his scroll of paper between his bandy legs, took out a large 
wooden spectacle case from his pocket, and withdrew there- 
from a mammoth pair of pebbles rimmed with a broad brass 
frame ; these being duly adjusted, the sun slanting across his 
big shock head and lighting up the grizzly hairs, he looked 
so like an ancient owl that a roar of laughter enlivened the 
whole audience from platform to turf The address was 
plainly constructed on an American model. 

"To Citizen Albert Alfred Augustus Adolphus Loftus 
Cicely Chester Bantam, the protest and remonstrance of the 
undersigned people of England : 

" Whereas Poverty is abroad in her cruellest and 
most shocking forms ; and 

" Whereas the feudal system and all that springs 
from it is the bane and curse of this country. 

" TF/iif/'^^-r aristocracy is an absurd and unjust privi- 
lege conferred on the least worthy and most indo- 
lent portion of society. 



92 LORD BANTAM 



*' IVhcrcas it has been declared on high authority that 

if a man will not work neither shall he eat. 
" IVhcrcas the locking up of vast domains of land in 
tlie hands of a few persons is socially and politi- 
cally and economically, and morally " [as tlie old 
man rolled out these portentous words shouts of 
laughter rent the air] " unjust. 
" WJicrcas the only true principles of government are 
Liberty, Equality and Fraternity, no right ought to 
be recognized not common to all. 
" JF/icrcas it is expedient at once to begin to estab- 
lish the Great, True, and Universal Republic, to 
abolish all titles, and to legislate for the equaliza- 
tion of property : 
"We, the undersigned, as brother citizens, address you on 
the occasion of your attaining to an age of discretion, the 
age when you are permitted to exercise your civil rights. 

" We hail you as a brother citizen entitled to the same 
privileges with ourselvqs, and nothing more. 

" Wc protest against your assumption of a title unearned 
by any great or noble acts of yours ; and ask you as a 
brotlier and a citizen to repudiate it. 

"We protest further against your succession to the un- 
righteously excessive amount of property which the law has 
impolitically permitted your forefathers to accunnilate. 

" Wliercfore we pray that you will consider the rights of 
the poor, who are your fellow-men, and will pledge yourself 
that you will, on attaining to the inordinate property of 



A PROLETARIAN COMPLIMENT. 93 

whicli you arc the heir, distril)utc il among your brotlicr citi- 

Z(M1S — " 

Roars of laughter drowned the remainder of tlic sentence 
and the names of the memorialists. Then l^roadhent, hand- 
ing the scroll to the young lord, took off his spectacles and 
donned his chapeau. He was accommodated with a seat. 
Meanwhile Lord Bantam, taking off his hat, stood forward, 
the sun flaunting brilliantly on his auricomous poll, 'i'he 
cheery cheering, the waving hats and kerchiefs, the tears 
that stood in old anil young folks' eyes, were enough to 
soften any man. 

" My lortls, ladies and gentlemen, and hrotlicr cilizms " — 
turning to the republicans — "I know not in what terms to 
express the 'emotion which your affectionate and cordial 
greetings stir in my heart. I have never so thoroughly felt 
the privilege of manhood, of human sym])athy (cheers). I 
thank you every one, from my dear father and mother who 
take so deep an interest in my happiness, and whose best 
gift to me in life has been the example of noble conduct 
(great cheering), and the advantages of training under their 
eye ; from these, I say, my nearest and dearest, through the 
long list of my other relatives, to you all, whoever and 
whatever you may be. Specially, let me say, do I thank my 
brother citizens (laughter and cheers) who have come here 
to-day to remind me of that which I have not forgotten, 
which to confess to you all the real truth is a burden on my 
heart this day — of an inequality of conditions resulting from 
impolitic laws and upheld on unjust principles." 



94 LORD BANTAM. 

If you know what it is to see something Uke a chill shud- 
der pass through a vast assemblage, you may picture to 
yourself the effect of these words on Lord Bantam's amazed 
hearers. The Earl was biting his lip viciously, and repeating 
his Rotterdam formula to himself in a sort of desperation ; 
the brother and sister aristocracy were amused, the bucolic 
crowd was dazed or thunderstruck. 

" Yes, my friends, I believe, and would have )'Ou all be- 
lieve, that much which is contained in this scroll is true, and 
needs to be thought on sacredly and seriously by those who, 
in such a position as I to-day occupy, are the individious 
claimants of extravagant rights (No, no). I say Yes ! yes ! 
and I cannot as a conscientious man but have much sym- 
pathy with the position taken by Mr. Broadbent and his 
friends." 

At this point Bantam's eye happened to light on his mother, 
who was weeping hysterically. Simultaneously, a lusty voice 
far down in the middle remarked, 

" E doantmoind that d — d Broadbent, do'ee ? E aint yer 
brother no more than Oi be ! " 

An inadequate joke, which made a perfect earthquake in 
the human mass. I am not sure that I have not heard an 
answer about equal to this in wit and logic carry its day 
when uttered by an agricultural representative .in a great 
Deliberative Assembly. Bantam's heart smote him, and the 
resolution which he had long been forming to discharge this 
day, with heroic Roman courage, the duty of repudiating all 



NEWSPAPER MORALIZERS. 95 

aristocratic theories, rights and appointments, succumbed to 
his affection. With a few words more he sat down. 

Is it not possible for a man to make an abjectly hcroical 
fool of himself ? It would be painful to describe the mor- 
phitic change that came over the spirit of the festivities, ex- 
cept among the Republicans, and their triumph was so du- 
bious that the Earl wisely provided them with a picked escort 
to their homes. The aristocrats simply wondered. Most 
of them seemed to think it was the privilege of an heir to be 
wilful, and were inclined to take it as a joke. A few who 
were in the secret exchanged significant whispers respecting 
the dangers of republican vaccination. 

* 

V. — Newspaper Moralizers. 

Our hero's singular escapade was sure not to escape the 
notice of the press. In fact it was reported at large in the 
county papers, and formed the theme of not a (sw articles in 
those of the metropolis. The young lord's character and 
the effect of his declaration on his father's political influence 
were discussed with remarkable frankness. The Banner put 
him down as " one of those priggish young gentlemen, whom 
the new educational influences at work in Oxbridge Univer- 
sity were sending broadcast into the world with the shallowest 
hold on religion, morals, true political principles, or common 
sense." 

But it was the Chimes which rang out with the most 



96 LORD BANTAM 



solemn grandeur on this event. It was peculiarly a case 
for them. They could not refrain from preaching a sermon 
to the unwise and inexperienced youth who had so early, so 
publicly, and at so inopportune a time declared himself for 
principles incompatible with the common sense of mankind. 
" Lord Bantam," it said, " has proved himself even younger 
than his age. He appears not to have imbibed from his tutors 
at Oxbridge the very elementary principles of economy — 
principles no man can either subvert or disdain. Tlie ideal 
theorizing which leads men to the absurd conclusions of 
equality is only dangerous because it makes its appeal at 
once to the basest passions and the most stupid ignorance. 
The doctrine of the Commune lies at the base of the ideas — 
propagated, shall we say? — nay, that have miscarried in 
Lord Bantam's brain. A perfect junior in his own class, he 
has foolishly gone out of his way to attack it. He has not 
yet apprehended the high privileges of his birth. He proves 
incapable of considering its relations to the social system. 
Nor has he examined by how nice an adjustment of our 
social structure and our legislative action we have gradually 
reached a state close upon political perfection. In the fact 
that he will succeed to the name and the estates of his father, 
irrespectively of any simple accidents of ability or industry, 
he should have discerned a reason recognized by the wisdom 
of our forefathers. The fact that without our aristocracy our 
system of government would not be what it is, exposes at 
once the amazing shallowness of the ideas embraced and 
avowed by the heir of one of the wealthiest and noblest of 



ECONOMIC NOTES. 97 

our great houses," etc. etc. To find in the existence of a 
thing a reason for its existence is a fomi of fallacious rea- 
soning not uncommon with some of the leaders of public 

opinion. 

* * 

VI. — Economic Notes. 

The Earl, whatever his chagrin at the exhibition so infe- 
licitously made by his son, showed no sign of it to the latter, 
and before the world treated it with that dry good-humored 
deprecation which disarms the bitterest critic. He sagely 
conceived the idea of permitting the young man to see the 
extent of his prospective wealth, and accordingly, as the 
shooting season was nigh, arranged that he should make a 
tour of all the estates, finishing the magnificent progress in 
Scotland, at the half-royal seat of Drumdruni Castle, whither 
he invited an elite and numerous company for the shooting 
season. 

I^ord Bantam acquiesced with alacrity in a proposal which 
promised him a rare opportunity of studying the social ques- 
tions just then exercising his mind. He had paid several 
surreptitious visits to the notorious Broadbent, who somewhat 
further enlightened him upon the views entertained of the 
land question by the proletariat. He began to feel an un- 
easy sense of injustice in his position, present and prospec- 
tive. One object that he set before him as a motive to his 
journey, was to ascertain the number and classes of persons 
then gaining a livelihood on the Earl's domains, and to insti- 
5 



98 LORD BANTAM, 



tute a comparison between this and the possible results of a 
dissipation of his property through the community ; clearly 
a vague, impracticable inquiry for him as to the latter 
branch. With regard to that, endless theorizing, innumera- 
ble arguments from analogy and multitudinous examples or 
illustrations from other states of society would obviously be 
necessary if any useful demonstration were to come out of 
his labors. 

1 ought not to attempt to follow him over the entire field 
of his inquiries. I subjoin, however, an abbreviated copy 
of a schedule drawn up by him, with some more extended 
notes upon one of the Metropolitan estates, that of Crane 
Gardens. 

There was a root of wisdom in the young lord's proceed- 
ing, not yet, so far as I know, properly unearthed by busy re- 
forming economists. To apply their industry in ascertaining 
and comparing the respective numbers of persons that tio 
make a living out of a huge estate and the maximum that 
might be maintained on and out of it ; and from the re- 
sults to invent some system which, without wrong to any 
living person or perilous disregard of economic laws, should 
tend to encourage the distribution of the land among the 
aforesaid maximum, is the problem of problems for us to 
solve in England just now. Look not at it askance, O ye 
Select and Heaven-ordained body of Primogenitals — it must 
be solved or you be dissolved. It is a question between 
you and the Maximum ! To it, honest Reformers ! Not 
with malicious animosity against a peerage, though possibly 



ECONOMIC NOTES. 99 

you may find that to be inextricably involved in the land 
system, or with insensate envy of wealth, or with mere revo- 
lutionary passion, but in the pure, healthy, earnest impulse 
of a deliberate reform spirit. The land must no longer be 
for the few, but for the many. Pray and work that the trans- 
fer may be made without confiscation or plunder or terror 
through a gradual process of solvent legislation. 



NOTES BY LORD BANTAM. 

" Coal Mines in BlacksMre." — I found that upon the Collieries 
there were employed the following persons : A manager, ;^20oo per 
annum, and i per cent, on returns ; steward, 2^ per cent, on profits, 
per annum ; 4 overmen, ;i^25o per annum each ; an engineer, ;^400 
per annum ; 2 assistant ditto, at ;i^250 per annum each ; consulting en- 
gineer, ;^300 per annum; 16 viewers, ;^240o; engine-drivers, stokers, 
fitters, boiler-makers, carpenters, ;i^i35o; plate-layers, blacksmiths, 
etc., ;^720; stablemen and horses, ;^2 100; colliers, butties, putters, 
etc., etc.,;^3850 men and boys, ;^ 180, 200 per annum. Total, ;^ 192, 870. 
Office book-keepers and clerks, ;!^I400 per annum. I found also that 
the solicitors for this property, whose main work, I should judge, was 
taking care of the title-deeds, generally contrived to bring up their bill 
to ;^3000 per annum. The steward receives £^^$0^ 10s., and the man- 
ager, additional, ^3750; making the expense ;;^204, 127 los., out of an 
annual return of ;^'375,ooo. 

On this I note that probably these mines can be most efficiently 
worked by a great capitalist, and could not well be subdivided into 
small proprietorships ; but, on the other hand, when I looked at 
the laborers, and saw how terrible was the work they had to do, 
and how little real interest they had in its results ; when I saw 
how much went into the coffers of one who hardly ever saw them, 
and perhaps rarely thought of their existence except as useful 
machines for the creation of income ; when I saw how much agents 
and parasites were making out of this property compared with 



LORD BANTAM. 



those to whose labor it owed its value ; when I saw, above all, the 
hovels in which they herded together — small, foul, pestilential, and 
found that the Manager, in his endeavor to economize, had even 
failed to provide them in their mines with the ventilator shafts 
necessary for safety and health or those facilities of exit from thcii" 
dreadful labor, which with any other brutes would be deemed indis- 
pensable; when I found on inquiry that many of the little boys I saw 
employed in these places were no older than ten, and worked as 
many hours a day, without education, with nothing that could be 
called recreation, with no variety save the regular transition from the 
inferno below to purgaiory above ; I had a sickening sense that the 
system under which all this exists was inhuman — the society which 
permits it rotten — the man who grows rich by it criminal. My 
father's profits are £\']0,%']'Z per annum ! It cannot long endure. 
Surely property has other duties than the mere payment of wages 
and reception of profits 1 And as it seems to me, under the best 
economic regulations, there would be some cooperation between 
capitalist and workman, by which the latter — contributing his due 
share to the adventure — might be elevated from a state akin to 
brutality to self-respect and independence. It cannot be called 
economy to suffer that most valuable article, a man, to go to waste 
or to waste himself, if anything can be done to prevent it. 

It will be seen at once by any economist, that the young 
man's generosity and inexperience affected his judgment. 
Such sentiments as these belong, according to the best au- 
thorities, to the unreal dreams of the Commune, not to the 
sober resolutions of Manchester finance. 

Here is another leaf from Lord Bantam's note-book: 

^'METROPOLITAN" PROPERTY. 
" THE CRANE GARDENS ESTATE. 

" Consisting of 5 squares : 22 streets : mews, gardens, 
etc., etc. Include 2125 houses, the ground, held by 54 
tenants under the head leases at 99 years : their holdings 



ECONOMIC NOTES 



varying from ;^200 to ^3000 a year. Total income per 

annum £2^,yoa 

"Mem. It may be taken that there are 2125 tenants of as many 
houses. These houses are of a good class, and may be taken to average 
in value at least ;i^200 a year, which is of course paid to the 54 lessees 
or their assigns, etc., by the sub-tenants. 

" To collect the Earl's rents and attend generally to the legal busi- 
ness arising out of his interest in his estate, one firm of solicitors is 
employed, who manage to return to my father's chamberlain a bill for 
between ;^2O0O and ;i^3000 a year. Two collectors of rents are also 
employed at a salary of ;^200 a year. 

" Few law-suits, and no defaults, since the land is now worth many 
times the head rents. 

" No rates or taxes on the ground landlord, except income-tax. 

" A/em. The Earl therefore pockets the whole of this large revenue 
out of this parish, without making any contribution to its rates, and 
might live and spend his money out of the kingdom with equal immunity 
from the local burdens. Qy. Justice of this ? 

" A/^o(e. The property represented by this great income is immov- 
able. Practically it never changes hands, it is not divisible, it does not 
come into the market. The only dealing is in the subordinate lease- 
holds ; clearly a very different thing from sale and exchange of free- 
holds. The persons to whom that part of the property which is 
represented by this income of ^^27,500 a year gives employment are 
few, and they are mere parasites. But suppose there had been a 
separate owner for say every under-tenancy — had 2125 freeholders been 
living and dying, marrying and making settlements, becoming bank- 
rupt, mortgaging, selling, buying, the amount of healthy action in this 
commodity, land, would have been enhanced many fold more than it 
can possibly be at present. IV.B. The permutations and combinations 
to be considered. A/sa, to take into consideration probable number of 
dealings in the limited and more restricted interests, created by the 
relations of landlords and tenants ; both as under existing regime, and 
under that of the hypothetical division of the freehold amongst many 
holders. 

Another memorandum made by Lord Bantam at the 



I02 LORD BANTAM. 

time, noted on a loose digressive sheet, marked Private, yet 
deserves to be transcribed. He says, in his dry way : 

"Among the uses of an aristocracy, with its wealth so elaborately 
and carefully pillared up by the joint ingenuity of class-selfishness and 
the laws — one would deem not the least important to be, that it should 
take the lead in all schemes of rational benevolence or social improve- 
ment, imparting body and vigor to charity — and proving how beneficial 
to society these anomalous aggregations of resources in one hand can 
be made. 

*' Knowing that my father was a fair specimen of aristocratic benev- 
olence, I took some pains to ascertain, wherever I went, what local or 
general charities received his assistance. I take it that his average 
income is ;^7oo,ooo a year. 

*' Last year out of this sum, so far as I can learn, he made the follow- 
ing donations. I remember seeing some of them described in the news- 
papers as 'munificent.' 

" To build a ' Ffowlsmere wing ' to the ' Royal Hospital 

for Unendurables '.....,. _;{^5,ooo 
To the 'Crane Gardens' hospital,' ' Bellowsbury hospital,' 
'Artisan's institution at Ffowlsmere,' ' Restoration of 
Duncansby Abbey,' 'Idiots' Asylum,' ' Blackshire dis- 
tress,' etc., etc., ten donations of ;^iooo each . . io,cxx) 
Fifteen Subscriptions at ;i^5oo each .... 7>Soo 
Twenty " ;^ioo each .... 2,000 
Sundries i»225 

Total . . £2S,12S 

Say about ^gth of an income perfectly safe, liable to few fluctuations 
except that of increase, and on which he pays comparatively lighter 
taxes than burden several millions of his compatriots. I was informed 
by Kelso, that wealthy merchants among the Dissenters were most lav- 
ish contributors to the funds of their sects, and to other benevolent 
objects. And that he had kno^vn instances in which men gave away 
annually twenty and thirty and even fifty per cent, of their income. 
Yet that is not by any means as assured as the incomes dependent on 
settlements. It will be my duty, if ever I am invested with the respon- 



THE SEAT FOR BRIGGSHIRE. I03 

sibility of these vast estates, to dispense their benefits over a wider area. 
One cannot help feeling pride at a position which enables a man to be 
so royal in the amount of his charities : but this is qualified by a sense 
of shame at a comparison of the sums thus given away by my father, 
with the magnificence of revenues outrivalling those of many a sov- 
ereign." 

The value of these memoranda, which might be termed 
Revelations of an Aristocrat, can hardly be over-estimated. 
Indicating clearly soyne, shadowing forth other incidentia of 
our aristocratic institutions, and memorialized for us by one 
immediately concerned, — though at the time he was a hostile 
critic, — they raised some very grave and curious questions 
which the reader may resolve for himself. 

* * 
* 

VII.— The Seat for Briggshire. 

Drumdrum Castle might be denominated the feudal 
centre of the whole of Briggshire. It had been the effort of 
the Ffowlsmere ancestry, and in that effort the present Earl 
consistently followed them, to absorb into the vast estate 
from time to time the best of the holdings in the county ; 
and so with patient watchfulness the Earl's steward pur- 
chased any property coming into the market : now one hun- 
dred acres, now ten, now three hundred. Money was 
nothing to the Earl in this connection. He was able in the 
pursuit of a proud yet mean ambition to set economy politi- 
cal and private at defiance, and much of this property had 
been purchased over the heads of energetic and improving 



I04 LORD BANTAM, 



farmers at prices that did not leave a profit of one per cent, 
to legitimate agriculture. The effect of these monopolizing 
tactics was to shut all the farmers in Briggshire within their 
own limits, and to deny them all hope of expansion. On 
the other hand, it facilitated the Earl's objects, since any- 
extra energetic man desiring a larger field for his energies, 
must needs sell out and seek it in another locality. One 
family had held out against the Earl's predecessors with pro- 
voking obstinacy. Their estate was awkwardly interned in 
the Earl's. They were poor, but they had Scotch Royal 
Blood in their veins (what Scotchman has not ?), no matter 
how obtained. The estate of nearly fifteen hundred acres 
kejDt in a poor way the laird, and about fifty tenants of small 
holdings up and down the hills on little spots carelessly 
tilled, yet yielding to the simple people enough for their 
wants, and leaving them freedom to be happy. The Earl's 
agent, being a Scotchman, was the proper person to 
set to catch a Scotchman. He laid a trap for the Laird, 
who was known not to be flush of money. He won over 
the Laird's lawyer, to whom solemn injunctions had been 
given in all business transactions to avoid any contact with 
the Earl or his people. This man had been the constant 
medium of supplies to his impoverished client. He alone 
knew the ins and outs of his private affairs. The property 
was over-mortgaged, and the mortgages, one by one, had 
through his villanous agency come into the possession of the 
Earl's agent. When the time was ripe, the mine exploded. 
The agent was able to write to Lord Ffowlsmere that now 



THE SEAT FOR BRIGGSHIRE. I05 

there was no hindrance to his seizin of Naboth's vineyard — 
though I need not say he did not write in those terms. The 
poor Laird went to Canada with his family. Notice to quit 
was served on all the tenants, numbering forty-five male or 
female householders, with one hundred and thirty-seven 
other adults and children. I would spare you the pain of 
reading a description of the anguish, the sorrow, the in- 
dignation, the despair kindled in one hundred and eighty- 
two human hearts by this economic proceeding. For the 
Earl afterwards wrote a pamphlet to prove that it was con- 
sistent with the soundest economy to sweep away these petty 
holdings and convert the whole estate into sheepwalks, a 
condition in which they were far more profitable, yielding 
more for less labor : or into deer forests which produced a 
larger rental, and venison for the London market ! Un- 
questionably, if "economy" — that much-wronged word — 
means the advantage of the rich, the Earl was right, and so 
long as he and his class can make laws, they will make them 
on that basis. But what of the greatest number ? The 
hundred and eighty-two people who used to live contentedly, 
if wretchedly, on the soil ; who might and ought to have 
been taught to improve their rude cultivation — to extend it 
around upon the rocky slopes — whose children at all events 
might have been educated to better things ? Would to God 
the Earl were alive, and I could bring him face to face with 
the things that actually ensued upon his economic reforms — 
the fate of the living, the story of the dead ! When they went 
away, to each of them was given, as a sop to public criticism, 



Io6 LORD BANTAM. 



and the Earl's conscience, a small sum sufficient to keep them 
for a few months, or convey them to Canada. The historian 
could run a bright flash through these pages, by narrating the 
luck of the men who chose this happy alternative. They 
found in Canada a settlement of their own clan, in a rich 
country, a glorious climate, with unlimited scope for the en- 
ergies peculiar to their race. Now they or their children are 
wealthy. But of the rest ? Government, in its wisdom, had 
provided neither information nor facilities to draw them to a 
colony. The greater number drifted to the large towns or 
fishing villages. In the towns they added to the crowds of 
searchers for employment, but the work they were accus- 
tomed to do was not always the work wanted in towns. The 
men were mostly driven to chance jobs, in which their great 
strength was useful ; a few of the girls and boys obtained 
situations as servants ; but the married women, the aged ones, 
the ''uncanny" males and females — ah! — they gradually 
dwindled down to the point of starvation — and, curiously 
enough, at that point they died. The Earl has since then, 
from an opposite point, gone to meet them. It is possible he 
now wishes he had looked forward to that ugly contingency. 
The sheep and the deer, meanwhile, thrived vigorously on 
the spots that would have kept these people alive, while no- 
ble lords, in company with gay young officers, vulgar parvenus, 
and members of the Lower House, ranged and took their 
pleasure over the deserted heaths. I cannot trace out the 
long Unes of sorrow that diverged from that single centre ; 



A STARTLING LECTURE. 107 



the deaths, the diseases, the struggles, the poverty, the de- 
preciation of bodies and souls. 

Ill fares the land, to hastening ills a prey, 
Where wealth accumulates, and men decay. 

May we not fitly stay a moment here and ask, Is there a 
converse of this 1 If such woe and need — such unsooth gain 
of wealth or pleasure to the rich at the expense of the poor, 
at the expense of the truest, wisest, clearest human econ- 
omy, ensue upon evictions from these little homesteads, what 
sorrow and wrong is there, what false economy, in permitting 
the operation of law and custom to shut whole masses of 
the population out from the hope of settling over the face 
of the land they live in. Will you, I pray, honestly suppress 
for a few minutes your rising prejudices, and forget your 
selfish interests, and ask yourself, whether it were not a wise 
and a just thing to aim at such legislation as should, without 
wrong to you or any other person, facilitate the establish- 
ment of cottier homes throughout this land, and distribution 
of people over our vast possessions beyond the seas ? Is it 
not worth thinking and setting about for some time, even 
though the problem seems inscrutable, and it is not certain 
you may succeed ? For what is it that will kick the other 
scale ? 

VIII. — A Startling Lecture. 

At Drumdrum Castle deer-stalking was the business of 
life. At an early hour of the morning a crowd of powerful 



Io8 LORD BANTAM, 



and canny-looking keepers and beaters assembled — the 
keepers with their hounds in leash — and awaited the com- 
pany that were to issue from the Castle-gate, various in their 
mien and dress ; some evidently no tyros at the sport, 
some as clearly inexperienced, as they seemed by nature 
unfitted for a long stride over stony hills and heather 
braes, or for a clean shot with a steady hand when the time 
came. Yet it Avas a fine thing, as the signal bugle blew from 
tlie Castle wall, to see them bear away for a cool ten hours' 
toil, the weaker on sturdy little ponies, not a few in native 
or adopted Highland costume ; it was a fine thing, I say, to 
see these men, from Cabinet Council and official desk, from 
Lombard Street, or even from the Bishops' Bench, start off 
in the bracing air, expiring the unhealthy inhalations of 
metropolitan life and inspiring the glorious strengthfulness 
of a Scotch air. It was the best excuse to be afforded for a 
deer-forest that health to so many couched in its rough re- 
cesses. But I am bound to admit the excuse is a limited and 
lop-sided one. 

Such a party had one morning left the Castle, not the 
least of them the old Earl himself. Lord Bantam, never a 
keen sportsman, still loved to breathe the air and breast tlie 
hills, scenting the healthy ground-smell or tlie sweet heather. 
The Bailiff, Sandy Mclvor, a celebrated deer-stalker, always 
managed the field, picking out the best stations for the 
crack shots, and with Caledonian shrewdness giving the 
bad ones noticing to do. Among these was the young lord, 
who found himself left like a sentinel behind a small caiin, 



A STARTLING LECTURE. lOQ 

with directions to keep his eye on the opposite hill, where 
an indistinct line in the heather denoted a track down which 
he might hope to see a buck. There he had stood for an 
hour half-dreaming, his gun loosely lying on his arm. Sud- 
denly it was snatched from him, and he was confronted by 
a ragged, powerful old Highlander, with bonnet rakishly 
cocked ; his long, strong, grizzly hair escaping beneath it ; 
a face roughed and hewn by time, and care, and grief; and 
in its rugged cavities two fierce eyes fixed firmly on the 
startled young aristocrat. 

"Wlio arr you an where are ye from that stan on Angus 
MacAngus's hairth-stone, my braw lad?" shouted the appar- 
ition in an unnatural voice, and with a strong Celtic accent, 
pointing to a moss-clothed stone on which Lord Bantam 
was unconsciously standing : "Ye'll be the Airl's son, I'm 
thinkin ? " 

" I am," said Bantam, his high breed recovering him in 
a moment, " and my party are not far off. What do you 
mean by taking my gun from me in that wild way ? Give 
it me at once, or I'll call them on you." 

*"T wud be yer dyin' cal', my lad," replied the other, 
coolly, giving his gun an uncomfortable twist in the direction 
of the young lord's red head; " Angus MacAngus is no' the 
man to be taken up for naethin." 

" I tell you again, whoever you are, I am the Earl's son, 
and you had better not threaten or hurt me. 1 can bring 
twenty guns upon you in a minute." 

Truth obliges me to say that Lord Bantam, though he 



no LORD BANTAM, 



Uttered these bold words, did not look like a chieftain whose 
foot was on his native heath, and who felt confident as 
Roderick Dhu that his whistle would make the glen alive 
with followers. 

Highlander. Just that ; and I have a word or two to 
say to ye, young man ; an' ye needna fear Angus MacAngus 
if ye' 11 only tak yer foot from Angus's hairth-stone, whare 
ye' re standin' noo. 

Bantam. O, certainly, if it annoys you I will move ; but 
why do you call this your hearth-stone ? There never was 
a house here surely ? 

Highlander. No hoose ! no hoose ! ye say. Ay, my 
lad, for many a day whare noo ye see the bracken and the 
heather so thick among the stones, was Angus MacAngus' s 
home. A black place it is noo, an' a purty place it was 
then. Many a time I've sat an' look't into the bonny blaze 
on yon stone, wi' my auld Maggie knittin' on the ither side, 
an' Jamie, an' Sawney, and Tonuld, an' my own little Mag- 
gie wi' hair as golden as the broom. O my God, why did 
I live to see the like o' this ! cried he, throwing himself 
down on the deserted stone, and covering his face in his 
ragged plaid. 

Lord Bantam's fear was gone, and curious sympathy took 
its place. He said kindly : 

Bantam. Come, my man, get up and tell me all about 
this. It is new to me. When did you live here ? 

Highlander. Even since you were born, young man, 
this was a joyful home, wi' a good farm and dacent people 



A STARTLING LECTURE 



about US yonder, and yonder, and yonder, where ye see the 
cairns. Anither laird we had then, a goot kind man he was 
too, God be wi' him wheriver he is ; an' here ye see I had 
my wee cot, and there was Maggie's garden, an' the byre 
for the coo, an' here we hved from year's end to year's end, 
without sickness or sorrow, till that damned old scourge, the 
Airl an' the Deil sent here, foreclosed, and harried out the 
poor laird, an' then — an' then — " 

Bantam. Turned you out ! 

Highlander. Ay ! turned us out, if ye will ; gied us 
the Deil's farewell ; pulled down our hooses, an' as ye see, 
gave up the hairths an' homes o' a hunthered an' eiglity souls 
to deer and devastation. 

Bantam. Is it possible? My father's steward? I never 
heard of this before. Why, it's clearly wrong. Where did 
you all go to ? 

Highlander. Go till ? to the Deil most o' us, whare 
doubtless the damned factor and yersel will find them in 
goot time. Some went to Canada wi' the Laird, and some 
to Perth, an' some southwards. 

Bantam. Where did you go to ? 

Highlander, I took my wife and bairns to Leith, an' 
there I strove to keep them, but I wasna canny at toon work, 
and could na' get much. My poor wee Maggie, she sickened 
first and pined away in thae crookt, crampt closes, an' my 
wife Maggie, she soon followed her bairn, an' they're 
all dead— ^they're all dead — an' may God call them to ac- 



LORD BANTAM, 



coont who worked such awful grief — an' nae doobt He 
will. 

The old man rubbed his brown hand across his eyes, and, 
rising, was about to hand the gun back to the young Lord, 
when his quick eye lighted on a young buck, that had just 
topped the crest of the hill and was descending to the val- 
ley ; in an instant, the gun was at his shoulder, and at its 
report, the animal leaped out from the hill and crashed 
down its side among the stones in the rivulet beneath. For 
a moment the excitement inspired him; then he looked 
down with a dejected air upon the dead thing far beneath 
his feet. 

'* I could not help it," said he ; " 'twas a goot shot, an' 
Angus MacAngus has avenged on a poor beastie the wrong 
o' them that put it in his place ; but I'm sorry it wasna the 
factor himsel'." Then giving Bantam the gun, and taking 
off liis bonnet and standing before the heir, a weird yet ma- 
jestic embodiment of WTong and sorrow, he said solemnly : 

" I warn ye before God, that shall judge ye at the last, 
that should ye come to be Laird o' these braw lands, whare 
yer fellowmen an' their fathers, an' their fatliers' fathers once 
freely aimed life and happiness, that ye remember your goot 
an' pleasure is no all ye have to look till in what ye do. An 
unjust law may gie ye right to evic' an' rob o' home and 
livin', poor, weak, innocent folk that can't balk yer will : 
but tliere's a duty above right, an' a right above law, an' a 
God above all — an' if ye wrong the poor an' escape yer pun- 
ishment in this wurld, as ye are like to do, for it's a bad one, 



A STARTLING LECTURE. II3 

you must just make yer accoont to take it out elsewhares. 

Woe, woe to them that join hoose to hoose, and " 

With that MacAngus plunged down a narrow, bush-ridden 
deft, familiar to him, and about which doubtless he led a 
wild life; leaving Lord Bantam to ponder on the singular les- 
son in humanity and economy that had just been read him, 
and to account to his friends for his magnificent shot. 



PART V. 

HOW HE BECAME A LEGISLATOR- 
I. — Preliminaries. 

It had been agreed that our hero should take advantage 
of the first opening that offered in the serried ranks of the 
House of Commons. The tlieoretic ideal of a popular 
selection of the fittest man to represent an honest niajorit)''s 
views, is rarely if ever attained in perhaps the only country 
in the world where a political Diogenes would think it worth 
while to look for it. In reality tliere is a practical juggle by 
which the converse has become the rule and the ideal an 
e.xception. It is, in nine cases out of ten, the member who 
chooses the constituency, not the constituency that selects 
tlie member. Of course, externally the process seems per- 
fect enough. There is a spontaneous generation of enthusi- 
asm suddenly created in the minds of " leading men," which 
spreads its widening ripples over the surface of a constit- 
uency, and ends in a demonstration to the world that the 
proper stone has found its bottom. But the antecedent 
action upon the leading men by which tlie motives origi- 
nated are not exposed. Indeed, so depraved has become 
our general political action, that though this is broadly sus- 
pected or perhaps recognized, popular feeling seems not to 
treat it with repulsion. How then are we to expect reform ? 
This and all other approaches towards the higher electoral 



PRELIMINARIES. II5 

ideal by means of legislation can have no effect unless the 
popular morale comes up to the level of it. Hence, in the 
present instance, a Peer, his son and his excellent parlia- 
mentary agents Messrs. Shellers, consulted together with 
perfect candor and the most naive inattention to popular 
rights or perfect theories, how to impose Lord Bantam on 
the next constituency that happened to require a member. 
Lord Bantam agreed to hold himself ready to go anywhere : 
the solicitors held themselves prepared to do anything : and 
the Earl, on his part, held himself responsible, as a Cabinet 
Minister, for giving the earliest notice of a prospective or 
actual vacancy. The constituencies were regarded as 
squares in a chess-board — to be played upon. The coveted 
opportunity was afforded by the sudden demise of the hon- 
orable Member for Woodbuiy. 

Woodbury, situated in the county of Gorseshire, was the 
centre of a busy district, agricultural and manufacturing. 
Many other towns had dropped down with their black can- 
opies and eager hives of men upon the vales and hill-sides 
of the district, so that this one was neither overweening in 
size nor conspicuous in importance. Yet with a Mayor and 
Council, a mace, a market-square, a town hall and assize 
courts, and thirty policemen, it might justly claim to hold up 
its head among provincial towns. Of the 1 700 electors, 830 
lived on property of a deceased millionnaire named Antro- 
bus, whose trustees were a local banker and a noble mem- 
ber of the existing Government — the President of the 
Council. Mr. Antrobus died very wealthy — a friend of 



Il6 LORD BANTAM. 

many a nobleman whom he had benefited at the rate 
of from twenty to fifty per cent. This town, containing an 
inadequate, ignorant and stupid number of British citizens, 
nevertheless, in the usual English defiance of political equi- 
ties, returned two members. When the first Reform Bill 
threw the nomination of those two persons out of the hands 
of the Antrobus interest, after two or three severe stniggles 
between it and the radical division, a compact was tacitly 
made that each should return one of the members, and 
Woodbury may be said to have been then fairly represented. 
The Millionnaire interests had long been Fogy. The 
trustees were Prigs. The cestui que trust was a female and 
a minor. Popular opinion decidedly predominated in the 
borough if its action were unfettered, and the surviving mem- 
ber, a thorough Prig of the old stamp, had been returned 
avowedly as the nominee of the Millionnaire interest. 
Hence the two principal parties in the borough were the 
Millionnaire party and the people's party or "Inde- 
pendents." The Fogies were in a hopeless minority. 
When therefore they lost their representative, the Radicals 
considered themselves entitled to nominate the candidate 
of the Popular party. I am compelled to add, that the two 
sections lived with each other a Socrates and Xantippe life, 
the reverse of happy for their political matrimony. 

The interests were managed in characteristically different 
ways. No sooner had the honorable member vacated the 
seat, than the solicitor for the Millionnaire estate, who of 
course had regular and rapid information, and was in the 



PRELIMINARIES. II 7 

confidence of the Treasury, called into his office three or 
four Prigs "of the highest respectability," and announced 
that " the party in London " wished Lord Bantam, son and 
heir, etc., to stand, and that they could do nothing better 
than accept a candidate so distinguished. This solicitor's 
name was Pike, of Pike and Shrimp, and at that very inter- 
view he had in his pocket a cheque, enveloped in a letter 
from Messrs. Shellers retaining him as Lord Bantam's agent. 
This letter had reached him simultaneously with another 
from a distinguished authority, by which he was informed of 
the vacancy. There could be no objection to so highly 
respectable a candidate on the part of such highly respect- 
able constituents, the less when they were informed that the 
Millionnaire interest was to go in his favor. It was there- 
after affirmed that Lord Bantam had been adopted as the 
Popular candidate by the local leaders of the party in Wood- 
bury. The whole of this operation had been conducted on 
the strictest Prig principles. 

Not many hours afterwards the walls were decorated with 
a yellow placard, informing the electors that a Popular can- 
didate of great eminence was coming, and that his name 
would shortly be announced. Meanwhile an extravagant 
excitement in the best reception-rooms of the Moon and 
Green Cheese, the great Millionnaire house, intimated to all 
Woodbury that that interest had settled on its man, and was 
about to produce him forthwith. 



* * 
* 



Il8 LORD BANTAM, 



II. — Diversities of Operations. 

Mr. Blupell, Chemist, Congregationalist and Radical, 
had come out of his Httle back room to his shop, with his 
spectacles raised up upon his bald head, at the summons of 
another Radical of somewhat vagrant and electric political 
activity, who had rushed in to infonn the leader of the inde- 
pendent party that a vacancy had occurred. This was Nutt 
the baker. After him close came the little bow-legged 
Trades Unionist joumepnan tailor, Tom Stretcher, with a 
head that seemed to be suffering from political hydrocephalus, 
though indicating a careful abstention from water applica- 
tion to its exterior. 

The three discussed the news. 

"It's our turn to nominate," said Nutt. "You'd better 
get yoiur coat on, Mr. Blupell, and let's go to Pike. We 
ought to get the party together, and send a deputation to 
some one." 

" I know who it must be," said Tom Stretcher, in a tone 
rather decided for a conference ; "it will have to be a work- 
ing-man this time, Mr. Blupell. The Trades have resolved 
on that, I can assure you." 

"What!" cried Nutt, "a working-man? I think I see 
you getting a working-man in with Mr. Pike's help ! Why, 
he wouldn't look at a candidate Aivith less than three thou- 
sand to spend on a contest." 



DIVERSITIES OF OPERATIONS, II9 

" I know that, Mr. Nutt ; but why need we go to Pike at 
all ? It's our turn to nominate, ain't it ? " 

" Yes," said the experienced Blupell, " we may nominate, 
but the question is, whether they will accept our nominee. 
They are very strong now in the Council, and may take it 
into their heads, as this is a single vacancy, to try and pop 
a man in for the other seat, and there ! as I'm a living man 
— what's that Jack Traddles is pasting up yonder?" 

In another minute Jack Traddles was in the shop, and a 
damp copy of the yelloAV placard was spread out upon the 
counter under the suggestive noses of the triumvirate. 

"I half expected this," said Blupell, "when I heard your 
news. Pike passed me this morning without noticing me, 
though I'm siu-e he saw me. There's some mischief up, gen- 
tlemen. We must get to work at once. They have the 
start of us. He can't get his man here before to-morrow 
night, I should think, if then. Let us put out a counter-no- 
tice at once, and hold a meeting at the Red Hoofs to-night." 

In a short time a pink placard, from the establishment of 
the Radical printer, was being posted about Freshtown, call- 
ing upon the electors to ** remember the compact, and to 
commit themselves to no candidate for the present." 

War was declared. 

Now the exact position of parties in the borough at this 
time was as follows. The Millionnaire party could count on 
550 votes out of the 800 odd in any contest between Popu- 
lar and Popular, the Fogy tenants on. the estate always voting 
with the landholder, as, under ordinary circumstances, the 



LORD BANTAM 



only relic of party principle left for them to practise. They 
numbered about 140. The remainder of themillionnaire ten- 
ants were not under discipline. There were 200 other Fogy 
voters in the town who could generally be relied on to vote 
one way, because they were kept well in hand by tlie four 
or five principal employers of labor, specially by one Mug- 
geridge, a brewer. About 370 voters were artisans and 
trades-unionists, all independent and Radical to the back- 
bone : 200 more respectable electors generally co-operated 
with the independents. The balance consisted of moderate 
Liberals of little means, and some freemen ; and how they 
would all vote used to be a mystery until they had voted. 
To add to the complexity, the dissenting interest was very 
strong. Here were materials for some very pretty conjunc- 
tions. 

Word was passed to all the leaders of the independent 
party to be on the alert in the evening, and if in the early 
part of the day the Moon and Green Cheese had had its 
hysterics, in the evening the Red Hoofs had tlieir turn of 
excitement. The long, low-ceiled room, with its old and 
rattling casements, its bulging walls, dismal paper and skir- 
mishing long tables, was occupied by a lively committee. 

During the afternoon, the barrister who happened to be 
nearest the scene of action, hearing of the opening, humed 
to the spot and called on the leaders ofthe independent sec- 
tion. I^aw, like nature, abhors a vacuum. 

At this meeting, the Trades came out in unusual force, 
and Tom Stretcher, who spoke with amazing nerve and pith, 



TAKING NO PART IN IT. 



declared that to a man the}^ had decided on putting up a 
candidate of their own class — a Mr. Ruggles of Ironchester. 
Several Populars, a manufacturer, two solicitors, a physician, 
and a retired captain, etc., all of whom professed extreme 
principles, protested however against this proposal. " Rug- 
gles was a notorious agitator, and not a gentleman. What 
could he do in the House ? How could he support himself? 
It would be ridiculous." Every word they uttered in this 
wise Avas driving in Ruggles' s nails for him, and securely 
fi.xing him in the affections of the artisans. The meeting 
broke into two divisions and adjourned till next evening, 
Mr. Blupell solemnly wa,rning them that the breach would 
ruin their party ; but then his only solution of the difficulty 
was that the rough majority should succumb to the genteel 

minority 

* * 
* 

III. — Taking no part in it. 

The election at Woodbury was not confined to Wood- 
bury itself. A small share of its real iniportance concen- 
trated there. The chief struggle was elsewhere. We now 
turn to this extra-mural portion of the conflict. 

The death of Mr. Wilton, M.P., was announced in an 
evening journal and known at all the London Clubs within 
a few hours of the event. There were at the moment loung- 
ing about town nearly two hundred gentlemen of every rank, 
profession and state of wealth or impecuniosity, who were 
conscious of a Heaven-ordained prescription that they should 



LORD BANTAM, 



go into Parliament. How many and various these beings 
that also stood and waited near the political sanctuary ! — 
leeches longing to get a suck at the body politic — late mem- 
bers or ex-ministers eager to return to the political pastures 
out of which they had been driven — young gentlemen whose 
ambitious fathers desired to procure for them the opportu- 
nity of learning statesmanship at the expense of the public — 
barristers hungry for judgeships and willing to hold a perpet- 
ual brief for their party in the prospect of a handsome settle- 
ment for life — wealthy and vulgar tradesmen struggling for a 
social position — railway directors and stock -jobbing specu- 
lators plotting to make money out of the highest trusteeship 
of Iiuman experience — all with quick, keen noses scenting 
the carrion scent of the departed life, swooping down upon 
the ])lace where the carcass had been, but certainly not 
worthy to be compared with eagles. 

The same afternoon three peers with their sons, two rail- 
way directors, and half a dozen Queen's Counsel, who hap- 
pened to be acquainted with Lord Haricot, the President of 
the Council and Co-trustee of the Millionnaire estate, had 
called at Brook Street to solicit his influence. He was 
" out " to them all. To tell the truth he was closeted with 
]Mr. Carnifax, the astute Whip of the Poj^ular Party. 

Mr. Carnifex was like all Whips. In describing one you 
describe another. To whatsoever side he belongs a Whip is 
a man who agrees to maintain no principles of his own — 
though he does not agree not to have them. He is at once 
the slave and the tyrant of the party. To him looks the 



TAKING NO PART IN IT. 1 23 

Prime Minister for information, organization, pressure, screw 
or cajolery : to him cringe the average members of his party 
for advice or assistance or interest. When his side is in 
power he is the dispenser of the smaller patronage ; the 
middleman who goes between a minister desirous of purchas- 
ing a doubtful vote, and a member ready to sell his princi- 
ples for place or position. He is partially in the secrets of 
the Cabinet. It is his business to know the private aims of 
every man of his party. Representatives of doubtful con- 
stituencies look to him to procure appointments for un- 
manageable electors. To nine men out of ten on his side 
the house his word is law. When the ruck of members 
comes surging up from smoking-room, and library, and 
brandy and seltzer on the terrace to some critical division, 
he has been seen to stand and point with his finger to the 
sheep as they flocked towards him, and they have been seen 
to obey his signal. He pumps opinions whereby to guide 
the course of a time-semng government ; he ascertains what 
policy is safest before any policy is announced ; how far a 
ministry may go and no farther. He acts the part between 
statesman wooers and state courtesans. 

Such an office is a study to a political critic. It seems 
so concrete and abject a recognition of the baseness of 
humanity. However, I never heard that any gentleman of 
stainless honor refused to accept so powerful a post. It is 
only in the kingdom of heaven that such self-respect could 
be looked for. 

Mr. Carnifex, the Prig Whip, was closeted with my Lord 



124 L O R D B A N T A M . 

Haricot. I have said that the late miUionnaire Avas a Fogy, 
and when he was aUve his tenants, Prig, Fogy or Radical, 
had all voted consistently one way. He was a terribly 
tyrannical old disciplinarian, having risen from the lowest 
ranks. He would have turned in his grave had lie known 
that his trustee was using the estate influence for the other 
party. 

Said Lord Haricot : 

" I am willing and anxious to oblige PTowlsmerc. His 
family, you know, are connections of Lady Haricot. Besides, 
as the leader of the party in the Lords, he is entitled to any- 
thing I can do. I have heard the young fellow well spoken 
of for ability, though they say he is too ' earnest' a Radical. 
But all that will tone down. I would rather see a man 
before than behind his age, if he is not a fool." 

"No doubt he'll tone down. Ffowlsmere makes a great 
point of getting him in. We sorely need some clever juniors 
just now." 

" Well, you know I am only trustee of the propert)'^ at 
Woodbury, and I have rarely interfered in the elections, 
never openly. The fact is, Pike, the agent, has had every- 
thing his own way, and you understand how to make him 
right," added the Lord President, significantly, " Probably 
you have more acquaintance with the borough than I have. 
It's a nasty place to fight. There's a strong anti-Millionnaire 
party, and I think poor Wilton represented them. Won't 
they want to put up their man this time ? There is a 
Doctor Dulcis, a Baptist, who has great influence — the 



TAKING NO PART IN IT. 125 



apostle of the sect in England, I hear. Bantam must be 
sure to get him." 

"01 know the details pretty well ; we have ample in- 
formation. I have always found the people troublesome, 
but Bantam's name and position will go down well with the 
Fogies, and if we get him. out first we shall be able to put a 
screw on any other candidate, by charging him with dividing 
the party. In fact I intend that Lord Bantam shall leave at 
once for the borough, and I only delayed until 1 had settled 
with you to put no other man in the field." 

" I have no one to send. Look here — " and the peer 
pointed to a row of cards on his table as a lackey brought 
in another. " I have not seen one of 'em." 

" One thing more. No doubt Ffowlsmere's agent will 
have made the estate agent all right; but to clinch the 
matter and give him ground with the people, I think it would 
be well for you to let him have a letter of introduction to 
Mr. Pike." 

"Oh, you know I must not mix myself up with it at all. 
There'd be a deuce of a row; Cabinet Ministers interfering 
with the freedom of election, and that sort of thing." 

1^'' I think I can manage that for you," replied the wily 
Parliamentarian. " You could send a simple letter of intro- 
duction, saying, if you like, that you don't intervene at all. 
Pike will understand it perfectly, and it will have its effect." 

The peer, an honest old fellow in his way, shrank even 
from this, but at length allowed himself to be persuaded by 
the Whip, who, to tell the truth, had his doubts about Wood- 



126 LORD BANTAM, 



bury. He wrote the following letter in autograph from a 
draft prepared by Mr. Carnifex. 

Mr. Pike,— 

Lord Bantam, son and heir of the Earl of Ffowls- 
trtere, Secretary of State for Imperial Appendages, is, I atn 
given to understand, likely to visit Woodbury on business con- 
nected with the election consequent on the death of your late la- 
mented Af ember. He may need some advice froin competent 
persofis in the locality. I know no one better qualified to give 
him such advice than you, and I may say that any attentions 
you may pay him will be an obligation to myself. 

With reference to the approaching election, I hope it 
will go off quietly. Of course I do not intend to take any 
part in it whatever. 

Your faithful servant. 

Haricot. 

" It is very important not to lose this place in our present 
shaky condition," said Carnifex in taking leave of the peer. 
" But Ffowlsmere's desire to get in his son is very awkward 
for us. There's Ewing has been waiting for a seat these two 
years, and you know he fought West Cardshire twice. I 
promised him the next chance. Then there's Foley and 
Brampton and nearly a dozen others on the list, besides one 
of those d — d working-men candidates, who are going to 
give us a lot of trouble I fear everywhere." 



* * 

* 



FENCING. 127 



IV. — Fencing. 

When Mr. Carnlfex reached his room at the Treasury, 
after his interview with Lord Haricot, his private secretary- 
handed him the card of an Irish poUtician well known to be 
looking for a seat in the House, and informed him that two 
other gentlemen were waiting in the ante-room. One was 
Mr. Ewing, late M.P. for Biston, a man of business, specially 
valuable to the Ministry, for he never spoke, worked dili- 
gently on Committees, voted consistently with his party, and 
wielded a good deal of quiet influence. Mr. Carnifex was 
really vexed to be obliged in this instance to throw him. 

" Well, Carnifex," said Ewing as he came in, " I think 
this chance will do. I've telegraphed to Pike, the Antrobus 
interest, you know, and my agent has gone down. There 
can be no one in the way. This death is so unexpected." 

" I'm sorry you have sent any one down, my dear fellow," 
replied his friend with some embarrassment. 

"Why?" cried the other, somewhat dashed. 

" Why, I've just heard, privately, you know, entirely a 
party secret, that young Bantam has been fixed upon by the 
Antrobus interest — old Haricot, you know, trustee — relative 
of his mother. I am not sure he has not gone down al- 
ready. It would be awkward to interfere with such an ar- 
rangement." 

" Young Bantam ! Good Heavens, he's hardly of age- — 
a red republican, and his father with a dozen boroughs in 



128 LORD BANTAM 



his hands. Why, this is extortionate. I made certain of 
this chance. Ton my word, Carnifex, I don't think I shall 
stand it. Now I've begun I'll go on." 

" I fear there is no chance," said the other. " You see 
my hands are tied. At all events, if you go down and look 
at it, promise me you won't divide the party." 

" Not to let in a Fogy. Good-by for the present." 

" Good-by," said Carnifex, " I will see what can be done 
for you." 

He would have more accurately expressed it had he said 
that he would see his friend done for. 

The other gentleman was shown in : Mr. Tilson contested 
Shoeborough, Titmouse, Ruggleton — all unsuccessfully — 
therefore supposed to have immense claims on the party. 

" Ah, Tilson ! Anything up ! What's the news from Shoe- 
borough ? I hoping you are nursing it carefully ? " 

*' Oh yes, my subscriptions are all paid regularly, but I 
have come to you about Woodbury. I ought to have a 
chance there. ]My cousin Richey, the banker, has a great 
deal of influence, and as a dissenter I should do well in the 
borough. My agent went down by the last train. Is any 
one else in the field ? " 

"Why, yes. Ewing is talking of going down, and he's a 
very strong man anywhere, and we very much want him in 
the House." 

" Any one else ? " * 

" Two or three are spoken of, but I shall know more to- 
morrow. Will you come in in the afternoon ? " 



PARTY TACTICS. I29 

The Whip was perplexed, and needed time for reflection. 
This man with a cousin a local banker, was not a comforta- 
ble interpellant, and too important to be flouted. 

" I'm afraid that will leave it very late," said Mr. Tilson, 
" but I depend on you to do your best for me." 

This utterly gratuitous expression of confidence made the 
Whip wince, and rather annoyed him. 

* * 
* 

v.— Party Tactics. 

Five minutes later a Treasury messenger in a hansom 
was conveying to our hero the Lord President's letter with a 
message to be off by the next train, as there was likely to be 
opposition ; and he was warned to avoid travelling with Mr. 
Ewing, should he be going by the same train. 

Mr. Carnifex then put on his hat and went to St. Ste- 
phen's Gardens, to the office of the Prig Association, the 
headquarters of the party organization throughout the king- 
dom. The head of this department was virtually the Whip's 
factotum. He was in all the electoral and not a few of the 
political secrets of the party — a man whose face was a mask, 
whose head was a geometric maze whereof he only held the 
skein ; a man of the world, polished and brilliant : of good 
position : of vast experience, able, astute, inscrutable. 
There was self-restraint and hidden tact in the very cut of 
his coat. What tales could he have told of human ambi- 
tions and failures, of human foUies and foibles ! He sat in 
6* 



LORD BANTAM, 



a room from which by merely ringing a bell he could com- 
municate almost directly with any part of the kingdom. In 
an adjacent chamber half a dozen busy and silent clerks 
wrote and filed correspondence, conned reports, abstracted 
or minuted information contained in letters and newspapers. 
It was a wonder that an organization so elaborate and so 
perfect did not preserve more harmony than was at that 
time commonly apparent in the ranks of the party. It is 
just possible that it may have been too mechanical in its 
movements, and not sufficiently adaptive or tactical — but 
such a criticism may be deemed impertinent, and I withdraw 
it. How perfect their clerical work was, appeared when the 
Whip entered, and taking a chair, evidently kept for him, 
said : 

" Fugleman, what do we know about Woodburj' ?" 
Mr. Fugleman rang a bell. A clerk entered. 
" Bring in the electoral note-book for Gorseshire." 
A large volume was brought in, and opened at a page 
headed Woodbury, opposite which was a map of the borough, 
with certain portions indicating the various " interests " 
colored. Mr. Carnifex sat perusing a carefully compiled 
account of the voters, properties and influences of that con- 
stituency. 

" I see the Wesleyans are strong down there. Lord Ban- 
tam is rather a free-thinker, from what I hear. He must be 
cautioned to keep his opinions to himself." 

" I don't think he'll have any difficulty with them," said 
Mr. Fugleman ; " but I have just received a telegram from 



PARTY TACTICS, 



Pike. A barrister with some local influence, named Heneage, 
is already canvassing the borough, and the trades are talk- 
ing of a candidate of their own, Ruggles of Ironchester. If 
either of them stands, the party will be split, and a Fogy 
may have a chance." 

" Hum ! you had better send word to Sheller at once. 
He's a shrewd fellow, and maybe able to stave off the work- 
man. But here's Ewing gone down already, and Tilson 
talking of going. I see by this memorandum, Richcy, his 
cousin, 'controls some fifty to eighty votes, principally 
among small tradesmen.' I put Tilson off till to-morrow ; 
but really I'm puzzled to know how to deal with him, for we 
must have Richey's support at any cost." 

" A nice mess they'll make of it," said Fugleman. *' We 
must stop this at once or the borough is lost." 

" Well, what are we to do ? " 

"You can manage Tilson if he is determined, and win his 
cousin's interest at the same time. He only wants a seat to 
make good his claim to an appointment. That Stickleback 
Bank business affected him very considerably, and he has 
claims on the party. You might offer him the governorship 
of Mungopore." 

" That I know Lord Ffowlsmere has already promised to 
Norton. But he can give him the next vacancy. There's 
British Liana, where the governors don't stay very long. 
You must see him to-night and arrange it. We cannot af- 
ford to let him go down." 

" I don't think there's much fear of Ewing," said the saga- 



LORD BANTAM, 



cious Fugleman. " He's too good a man to fight a useless 
contest. It is these pestilent barristers and pauper politi- 
cians and ambitious working-men that give us so much trou- 
ble. Heneage is the most dangerous feature against the 
young lord. True, he is a Popular, but he's nobody. Then 
these barristers never like to take their teeth out when they 
have once laid hold, unless they are offered a bite at better 
meat ; and he is altogether too young for an appointment. 
If it came to a duel between Bantam and Ruggles, there 
would be little doubt of the result with the Fogy vote for 
us ; but that fellow Heneage will certainly weaken our 
party. His family stands well in the whole county." 

That evening Mr. Fugleman saw Mr. Tilson at his own 
house. '\\'hen he came away Mr. Fugleman understood that 
Mr. Tilson did not intend to stand for Woodbury, and Mr. 
Tilson understood that it had for some time been the inten- 
tion of the Government, in consideration of his past services, 
to confer on him a Colonial governorship, a desire to be put 
into execution on the occurrence of tl:ie next vacancy ; the 
two understandings being also understood to be perfectly 
independent of each other. Mr. Tilson withdrew his agent 
from the borough, because Mr. Fugleman had conclusively 
proved to him that the field was already occupied by Lord 
Bantam ; and Mr. Fugleman incidentally disclosed to Mr. 
Tilson the aforesaid good intentions of the Ministry, which 
made it hardly worth while for Mr. Tilson to go into the 
House. 

I should like to know what the Colony, to whose lot hap- 



MARCHING ORDERS. T33 

pened to fall this broken politician, would have thought 
of the method in which the cards of its government were 
shuffled ; or whether any empire under heaven could long 
maintain its position, if so grave a business as the selection 
of rulers for its matchless provinces were conducted in so 

scurvy 3, manner ? 

* * 
* 

VI. — Marching Orders. 

Mr. Sheller was certainly a shrewd man at an election. 
For thirty years he had been managing electoral contests, 
county and borough, open and close, pure and the reverse. 
He knew the history of every English constituency, the 
means and influences required in each. We have already 
seen that his provisional retainer on Lord Bantam's behalf 
was in Mr. Pike's pocket almost whilst the deceased member 
was yet warm. Now it was a cardinal rule of Mr. Sheller' s 
business, that he never attended to any of it himself. He 
did everything by proxy, and proxy always had the responsi- 
bility. In the present case, for so great a client, unlimited 
means, etc., etc., Mr. Sheller would if necessary have gone 
a long way, but he acted with his usual caution. He sent 
for the cleverest man on his staff; named, by a strange per- 
version. Simpleton. 

"Simpleton," said Mr. Sheller, looking straight into the 
shrewd face of the agent, with its puckered mouth, resolute 
nose and chin, crow-footed temples, all transfigured by a 
bland smile, " you are to leave town by five-forty train for 



134 LORD BANTAM. 

Woodbury. Vacancy caused by death of Charles Peter Wil- 
ton, Esquire. Our candidate is Lord Bantam, only son of 
the Right Honorable, the Earl of Ffowlsmere. Pure Prig 
interest. You know the borough. You worked it in the 
religious interest for the late Mr. Jeremiah Nye, late Baptist 
and ship-owner. They say there is to be a Trades' Candi- 
date. If so all your tact will be required. I need not tell 
you, Mr. Simpleton, that no effort must be spared — no effort^ 
)-ou understand, Mr. Simpleton — to return our client I 
have complete confidence in you. I therefore place the 
whole matter in your hands. I need not remark that money 
is of no consequence to our client — that is for any legitimate 
expense — any legitimate expense," said Mr. Sheller, tapping 
his snuff-box on the table, with stern emphasis, and steadily 
gazing into Mr. Simpleton's eyes, which bore the examina- 
tion ^\'ith equal steadiness. " Three thousand pounds will 
be placed to your credit at Messrs. Richey and Thurston's 
bank, and I shall expect a careful and exact account of 
every penny, Mr. Simpleton. The greatest caution must be 
observed, for I need not tell you this is a very important 
client, Mr. Simpleton — a most important client, Mr. Simple- 
ton — a client that ought never to fail, Mr. Simpleton / You 
will no doubt be too occupied to communicate with me, Mr. 
Simpleton ; ai^ should any further funds be required, you 
will telegraph direct to Earl Ffowlsmere's solicitors, Messrs. 
Hawke, Hawke, and Pcckham, if you please. There is 
;/"ioo in five-pound notes, Mr. Simpleton. Be good enough 



TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING. I35 



to count it and give me a receipt. Thank you. Good-day 
and good luck to you, Mr. Simpleton." 

As Mr. Simpleton and his small brown portmanteau 
drove to the station where he was to meet Lord Bantam, lie 
winked at the cabman's back and smiled to himself. 

« A — cautious bird, old Sheller— a— Z'^;7— cautious bird. 
He means Lord Bantam to be returned at — all— events, and 
he doesn't want to know anything about it. Very well, 
Mr. Sheller. If possible. Lord Bantam shall be returned at 
all events, and you shall not know anything about it. You 
shall have a careful account of every penny,— of course you 
shall, Mr. Sheller. Cautious bird— a— very— cautious bird.. 
Ha ! ha ! " 

The cabman pulled up. " I beg your pardon, sir. What 
did you say?" 

" Nothing. Oh ! nothing—," responded he, smiling, 
" I was blowing my nose. — A ve}y cautious bird." 



* * 
* 



VII. — Too much of a good thing. 

We will return in the train with Lord Bantam and Mr. 
Simpleton to the borough of Woodbury. While they, re- 
ceived by Mr. Pike and partner, two local magnates and a 
respectable company of the Millionnaire tenants, entered a 
carriage and drove in state to the Moon and Green Cheese, 
let us ascertain what has been doing in the interval of our 
absence. Mr. Heneage, the barrister, was well-known to 



136 LORD BANTAM. 

the Woodbur}-ers as one of the leading juniors on the Cir- 
cuit. His wife was the daughter of a Squire who lived on a 
handsome estate some five miles out of the place. With a 
hamster's alacrity, he set to work and- earwigged several 
important members of tlie Independent party. Availing 
himself, with some skill, of the point that it was their turn to 
nominate a candidate ; while he set them strongly against 
Pike for attempting to usurp the place of part}' dictator, 
he had succeeded in gaining considerable support. On the 
other hand, an afternoon parliamentary train had brought in 
from Ironcliester the notorious Ruggles, and to meet and 
escort him to his humble lodging, the Trades of Oldship had 
turned out in a body, losing half a day. A City of London 
warehouseman of the Baptist persuasion and enormous 
wealth had also come down, and was endeavoring to form 
among his co-religionists the basis for a further raid among 
the secularists. There was no lack of candidates. 

Blupell was exercised beyond endurance. He asked 
what wickedness the town had committed to be so deluged 
with talent. When Heneage came, then Ruggles came, 
then Tomkins came ; his patience gave way, and he re- 
tired to bitter reflections in his back-room. In the evening 
the various headquarters were in full blast. Lord Bantam 
was introduced to about a hundred of his supporters at his 
inn. The Independents had tlieir meeting — a very stormy 
one, the effect of which, instead of promoting harmony, was 
to increase tlie discord. Most of die respectables declared 
for Mr. Heneage ; the Baptists said they should hold off at 



TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING. 137 

present in favor of Mr. Tomkins, and the Trades said that 
Ruggles or a Fogy should have their votes, upbraixling the 
others for their want of UberaHty in not yielding to the 
majority and adopting a working-man. 

Next morning at eight o'clock Lord Bantam's address 
was upon all the walls. At nine o'clock tl>e bill-sticker of 
the Trades pasted Mr. Ruggles' address over the placards of 
the noble lord. At ten o'clock an address was issued by 
Mr. Heneage, " emboldened by the almost unanimous wish 
of the electors," and relying on his " long and intimate con- 
nections with the borough." At eleven o'clock a placard 
announced a meeting in the evening to hear an address 
from Mr. Tomkins. The electors were bewildered. The 
Freemen alone retained their composure. They lounged 
leisurely in the market-place with hope beaming softly in 
their faces as they contemplated the coming struggle. 

In his address, the young lord, spite of the remonstrances 
of Mr. Simpleton, introduced a distinct appeal to the democ- 
racy. He declared "his sympathies to be with those who 
felt that the time was rapidly approaching for the removal 
of many of the restrictions on land, on labor and on the 
conscience; and that it was not unlikely that organic 
changes in the Constitution would be necessary preludes to 
those great reforms." 

Mr. Simpleton and Mr. Pike calculated that under ordi- 
nary circumstances this sentence ought to lose him a hun- 
dred votes ; but they comforted themselves that there was a 



1.^8 LORD BANTAM. 



compensating balance in his illustrious wealth and station. 
Some of the Trades even spoke of him approvingly. 

Mr. Ewing did not appear. His agent met him at the 
station, and deterred him from alighting or exposing himself. 
He entered the train with him, having taken tickets to the 
next town. He was too shrewd to let his client's name slip 
into the newspapers connected with a hopeless candidature. 

* * 
* 

VIII.— The Placard Trick. 

The experienced Mr. Pike, the' experienced Mr. Shrimp, 
and the experienced Mr. Simpleton, held a consultation. 
They had their man in the field, but forty-eight hours had 
completely changed its aspect. The unexpected attitude 
of the Trades, and the appearance of Mr. Heneage, were 
both ve.xatious incidents. Mr. Pike knew perfectly well, he 
had found it out by experience in the municipal elections, 
that the Trades influence determinately put forth was over 
many of the jMilUonnaire tenants stronger than his own, and 
that a cool half hundred of his voters and others whom he 
had hoped to influence for I>ord Bantam would, whate^•er 
the consequences, assuredly go for Ruggles. Again, a num- 
ber of the most respectable Millionnaire supporters would 
be led by local sympathy to adopt Heneage — thus, as he 
expressed it, "cutting off the young lord's tail at both ends ; " 
and now, Mr. Simpleton having reviewed tlie field, pro- 
nounced it as a certainty that a Fogy would be started if 



THE PLACARD TRICK. I39 

they did not clear away one or the other of the rivals in 
twenty-four hours. After an animated consultation, they 
resolved to adopt a bold and original course suggested by 
Simpleton. A huge blue placard, without printer's name, 
shortly afterwards illuminated the walls and shop windows 
of the town. It was in these words : 





FOGY 


ELECTORS ! 


Reserve 


YOUR PROMISES. A FIRST-CLASS 




FQGY 


CANDIDATE 




IS 


COMING ! 



About an hour after its appearance Mr. Pike procured a 
copy and went over to Blupell the apothecary. That per- 
son received him with reserve. 

Pike. Look here, Mr. Blupell (unfolding the placard). 

Blupell. Ah ! — well, I suppose now you'll see your way 
to withdraw your man. 

Pike. Don't be in such a hurry, my dear fellow. I of 
course, like yourself and the whole Popular party, will not 
consent to let in a Fogy. I came to consult with you about 
the action we shoald take. We ought to agree upon a 
candidate without further delay. 

Blupell. If you really have come to consult with me 
about it, Mr. Pike, I have but one course to recommend, 
the only honest and straightforward one, and that perhaps 



140 LORD BANTAM, 



won't suit you ; withdraw your man. I must say it is rather 
cool of you, after breaking a well-understood compact, by 
bringing in a man without notice to any of us, to come and 
say we ought to agree. You never took the proper way to 
make us agree, which was to call a meeting of the party. 

Pike. Oh ! I see you are clearly laboring under a misun- 
derstanding. Lord Bantam is here to appeal to all classes. 
I can answer for it he is willing to submit his candidature to 
the whole party. 

Blupell. Why did you not do this at first? We have no 
personal objection to him ; indeed, I father like him. He 
is more independent than his supporters ; but we do object 
ta your dictating to the borough and bringing a man down 
without consulting with the rest of us. 

Pike. Well, I may have made a mistake, but I am anxious 
to rectify it. We must do so at once. I have reason to 
believe that a Fogy, very highly connected, will be brought 
forward, and unless we all pull together we shall lose the 
seat, 

Blupell. And serve you right if we do, Mr. Pike. I am 
not going to help you out of the scrape. I have promised 
Mr. Heneage my support this morning — there ! 

Pike. Very well, Mr. Blupell. I shall never forget this. 

Blupell. You do me an honor. 

Pike's face was a study as he turned out of the chemist's 
shop. Blupell' s decision was a blow in itself, and was be- 
sides an indication of more serious defection. 



THE PLACARD TRICK. I4I 

He crossed the High Street, and went down it to the 
tailor's shop, Avhere Mr. Thomas Stretcher, presiding over 
eight brother-snips, constituted with them one man, accord- 
ing to the proverb. Mr. Pike had hitherto ignored Mr, 
Stretcher very much in all his political action. It was rather 
a humiliation to be obliged to go to him, but a retainer is 
very exacting. On asking for the Unionist, he was referred 
to a back yard, thence up a rickety staircase, thence along an 
intoxicated passage, and finally he went unexpectedly down 
a step through a door and into a circle of cross-legged trades- 
unionists busily plying their needles. 

*' Oh ! ah ! Mr. Stretcher," said Pike ; "could I speak to 
you a moment ?" 

" Yes," said Stretcher, quietly passing his goose down the 
selvage of a waistcoat he was making; "you can speak to 
me, Mr. Pike, I s'pose. It's a free country." 

" Ha ! ha ! yes. Very good ; but I want to say a few 
words to you in private." 

"No need to talk in private, Mr. Pike. I guess your 
business well enough, and we're all friends here. If you've 
got anything to say, say it out like a man. I've no time to 
spare gossipping in whispers with you or any one else in 
hours." 

Even Mr. Pike's experience was unequal to talking pri- 
vately to a man in the hearing of eight persons. However, he 
made the best of it. 

" Well," said he, " I agree with you ; the more who hear 
me, the better. We all have one aim. Have you seen 



142 LORD BANTAM. 

this ? " he continued, seating himself in a confidential way 
on the doorstep, and opening up the placard. The men 
looked up and read it in silence, then went on with their 
work. " This shows what will happen, if our party is not 
united." 

" Our psLVty, Mr. Pike?" said Tom Stretcher; "what is 
our party ? You represent the land and money interest ; 
we, the claims of labor. You have your young lord, with 
his spurious liberalism, very like your own, with a good deal 
of soft sawder for us poor working-men when we can be use- 
ful to you, but precious little to say or do when the time 
comes to help us. You represent the landlord screw ; we 
are the true freemen. No ; we have ceased to lean on that 
reed : our hands have been pierced often enough already. 
There's an instance of it in your hole-and-corner way of 
bringing this )'oung man down into the borough. You have 
gone and brought him here without asking any questions of 
us, and we have nothing to do with him, and don't mean 
to." 

The |ths. Hear, hear ! 

Stretcher (contmuing). We've had enough dictation 
from the millionnaire power — a great deal too much. But 
the day of power for the people is coming, and all these 
tyrannical interests will have to succumb to the rising sov- 
ereign. It is time we should have representation of our own 
class in a Parliament composed of land-owners, capitalists 
and blood-sucking professionals ; and we mean to strike out 
a line for ourselves. The Trades are going for a man of 



THE PLACARD TRICK. I43 

their own — Mr. Ruggles, and depend upon it we shall re- 
turn him or a Fogy. 

Pike. That is exactly what I wanted to know and to 
speak about. I recognize the working-man's claims to the 
full ; so does my client. I only ask that we should take 
means to ascertain our relative strength, and, when that is 
discovered, let us unite the whole party on one of them. If 
Mr. Ruggles is decided upon, why you can rely on the whole 
of us to assist you. 

Stretcher. No, we can't. It's no use sitting there and 
telling lies, Mr. Pike. We know, as well as you do, that 
you, and all like you, would rather vote for a Fogy than a 
working-man, and we can see that if you want us to go into 
negotiations for a settlement it is with the intention on your 
part of settling it one way. We understand you. You have 
had your fee and you must earn it. We are looking for a 
representative ; you are working for a client. 

Mr. Pike's face was a browner study than before. It was 
useless for him to vent his rage upon nine Unionists in a 
small back room eighty feet from the front door ; so he with- 
drew, and had the mortification to hear a hearty outburst of 
laughter as he went down the long passage. 

The placard trick had turned out a failure. 

In the evening Mr. Tomkins held what was termed an en- 
thusiastic meeting, and no doubt to a superficial observer 
would have appeared so. But three-fourths of the crowd 
was composed of Fogies or trades-unionists or freemen, anxi- 
ous to draw another champion into the melee. 



144 LORD BANTAM 



IX. — A Fogy Candidate. 

While tlie Populars were thus crystallizing into organism, 
representing the healthy variety of their opinions or their 
personal and local piques, a few shrewd Obstructives in the 
borough opened communications with headquarters. They 
had come to the conclur.ion that if any two of the existing 
candidates went to the poll, there was a fair cliance for a 
Fogy ; and if all three persisted in their candidature the 
Obstructive success was certain. Their tactics were in ex- 
treme contrast to those of their opponents. A committee 
of a dozen met privately at the house of Mr. Muggeridge, 
the brewer. The rest of the party contentedly awaited their 
decision, and not a word of their counsels escaped to the 
other side. They themselves knew every move of the Popu- 
lars almost as soon as it was made. In applying to tlie party 
leaders in London to procure them a candidate, they warned 
them that their policy was not to produce him till a late hour. 
Mr. Pike heard of the meetings, and felt sure there was dan- 
ger in the air, but he could discover nothing. Simpleton 
wrote to Mr. Carnifex, urging him to take means to draw off 
Heneage. Lord Bantam and Heneage canvassed vigorously, 
and Rugglcs addressed the electors every evening. 

Mr. Fugleman's ingenuity exhausted itself in trying to 
find a solution of this electoral knot. Heneage was offered 
a Recordorship. His vanity, however, accepted this as a 
proof how dangerous he was, and he refused it. The writ 



A FOGY CANDIDATE. 145 

was issued ; but Pike being the town-clerk, and the ma)'or 
an Antrobus man, it was clear the election would be de- 
layed till the latest moment. No sooner was tlie writ pro- 
claimed, than the Fogy mine was spnmg. The walls of 
Woodbury effloresced in blue placards, informing the 
Obstructive electors that a candidate was coming. He duly 
arrived by the afternoon train. Mr. Muggeridge, with his 
friends and a large body of freemen, who now saw their 
brightest hopes about to be realized, received him with 
enthusiasm at the railway station. He was a young honor- 
able — a captain in the army, cousin to a peer whose splen- 
did domain was the resort of the townsfolk. No sooner had 
he reached the borough than significant circumstances were 
noted by experienced observers on the Popular side. His 
address was issued — with a compliment to the trades-union- 
ists — referring to his high lineage, and the proximity of one 
of the estates of his brother, and to his service in Her 
Majesty's livery (not using those words). It declared him 
to be a moderate Fogy, " desirous of advancing, at a pace 
consistent with safety, without hazarding the Crown, the 
Church, or the Constitution, the highest interests of the 
working-man." 

He pronounced against the ballot, but was in favor of 
giving to the artisan his legitimate rights. 

On these grounds he requested to be returned, and began 
an energetic canvass of the borough. 

Another significant circumstance was the unwonted facility 
of credit offered by the publicans for draught ale, and the 



146 LORD BANTAM. ' 

vast number of dmnken persons who paraded the streets, 
uttering warm exclamations of adherence to Captain Caven- 
dishe " ash she besht man." 

More significant still was the coolness exhibited by num- 
bers of persons previously favorable to one or other of the 
popular candidates, whose eyes had been opened to their 
errors by the appearance of the young Captain. 

Mr. Fugleman himself arrived in Woodbury by the train 
succeeding that which had conveyed the Honorable Captain 
Cavendishe. He had lett-ers of introduction from the Whip 
to various tried friends. One from Tilson to his banker 
cousin ; and others from a certain peer of the realm to the 
agent of a certain estate and to Mr. Richey. 

* * 

X. — Canvassing for Election. 

Mr. Fugleman had seen Lord Bantam and his agents, 
and had taken the bearing of the position. To his ex- 
perienced eye it looked very blue in more senses than one. 
Tilson's cousin had been visited by the young lord, but was 
hanging fire. Mr. Simpleton had come to the conclusion 
that he meant to support Mr. Heneage, who was known to 
be plying him with personal and family influences. Mr. 
Richey belonged to the independent party in the borough, 
and felt himself much aggrieved by the assumption of Mr. 
Pike, in introducing, without consulting that party, a can- 
didate who was clearly a Ministerial " bantling " — this was 



CANVASSING FOR ELECTION. 147 

Mr. Richey's mild play on the young lord's name. Had 
the compliment of consulting Mr. Richey been paid to him 
before Lord Bantam's arrival, there can be no doubt he 
would have esteemed him the most eligible candidate in the 
world, so seriously is our judgment affected by the method 
of presenting things. 

When Mr. Fugleman called upon Mr. Richey, he was 
politely but dryly received. 

" I have had a very long and pressing letter," said he, 
frankly, " from Tilson, and am glad to hear he has been 
so well provided for. I have had to help him a little lately. 
I wish I could, in return, aid his views and yours, consist- 
ently with my conscience ; but of course you would not 
wish my judgment to be warped by any generosity of the 
Government to a relative of mine." 

"Oh ! certainly not," responded Mr. Fugleman. "These 
matters should always be kept entirely distinct." 

"Yes," repeated the other, "these matters should be 
kept entirely distinct. And I propose to keep them 
distinct. Tilson has done the Government good service in 
the past, and it is for that no doubt they have given him his 
reward. I may as well say at once, I this morning came to 
the determination to support my friend Mr. Heneage." 

Mr. Fugleman expressed his regret, affirmed the hopeless- 
ness of the barrister's chance, explained the position of the 
party, the importance of returning Lord Bantam, who was a 
most brilliant and promising young man — 

" Rather extreme, eh ? " hinted Mr. Richey. Extreme in 



148 LORD BANTAM, 



theory, but practically under his father's able influence and 
the necessities of his fortune, of a safe conservative spirit, 
it had been quite taken for granted that Mr. Richey would 
as usual support the Government and use his immense influ- 
ence in helping to heal the divisions in the party. Already 
was it becoming too late to do it since the Fogy was in the 
field. He urged Mr. Richey to reconsider his determina- 
tion. Lord Bantam was the Government candidate, and he 
might reckon that he had tlie support of Lord Haricot, who 
had given him a letter to Mr. Pike, the Antrobus agent. 

Mr. Richey was intractable. He declined to change his 
mind. Then Fugleman produced Mr. Tilson's introduction, 
with Tilson's urgent appeal tp his relative, and a letter 
from Lord Haricot, as an old friend and one who in his 
trust-capacity had had considerable dealings with Mr. 
Riche/s bank, asking him to support " the party candidate " 
and the son of a most intimate friend. Mr. Richey" s father 
and father's father had been bankers in Woodbury, and Mr. 
Richey was a proud-nosed man. His nostrils dilated when 
he read this letter. Bowing stiffly to Mr. Fugleman he told 
him he could not see his way to support Lord Bantam. 
Mr. Fugleman took his leave. 

He was more fortunate in his next venture. Mr. Tom- 
kins was still in the way; and Mr, Tomkins's vanity was 
not hard to touch. 

By an adroit use of combined promise and flattery, the 
Treasury agent succeeded in imbuing Tomkins with the no- 
tion that he was the most dangerous rival in the field, and 



CANVASSING EXTRAORDINARY. 149 

that his retirement would turn the election. This to Tom- 
kins was next best thing to getting in himself, and in the 
proud consciousness of his importance, he at once offered 
his best support and his influence among the Dissenters to 
the Ministerial candidate. He was introduced to Lord 
Bantam, and his services were put in requisition to bring 
the young lord into communication with the noted Baptist 

preacher, Dr. Dulcis. 

* * 
* 

XI. — Canvassing Extraordinary, 

Dr. Dulcis was one of the most remarkable of living Dis- 
senters. A profound theologian, a singularly ripe and ele- 
gant scholar, a powerful rhetorician, eloquent, refined, a 
man of science, he had shed the rays of his genius far be- 
yond the atmosphere of his rather narrow denomination. 
Few men of letters or of science were unacquainted with the 
brilliant and industrious minister, and he won their affection, 
along with their regard, by the strangely magnetic attraction 
of his manner. Circumscribed as hasty opinion would have 
deemed his Calvinistic creed, he displayed towards all men 
the broadest kindliness, while he boldly indicated by word 
and life where his own sheet-anchor was fixed. His facile 
pen played with an almost bewitching skilfulness, procuring 
for him a reputation high among the literary men of his day. 
It was no wonder that a man of such qualities should be a 
man of influence, and he was looked upon by the agents, in 
their business-like estimate, as one of their best " cards." 



150 LORD BANTAM. 

Accordingly, under Mr. Tomkins's " £egis," as he called it, 
Lord Bantam and Mr. Simpleton waited upon the minister. 
He was a man of some means — of which his dwelling, an 
old-fashioned town residence, with a good walled garden in 
the rear — gave evidence. 

As they entered the house, they heard the tones of an or- 
gan. The maid opened a door into the room from which 
the sound proceeded. Several voices were singing a quaint 
tune ; and Lord Bantam, stopping the servant's announce- 
ment, signed to his companions to pause and listen. The 
scene before them at the end of the large room was engag- 
ing. A fair-faced girl, with a crown of golden hair, sat at 
the organ, to which a tall, thin, but not ungraceful man — 
evidently Dr. Dulcis — was energetically supplying breath 
while he used up his own. Round them were grouped 
three or four children, ranging in age from four to thirteen, 
and all were singing clearly and heartily to a Scotch melody 
the words — 



How great's the goodness Thou for them 
That fear Tliec Icccp'st in store : 

And wrought'st for them that trust in Thee, 
The sons of men before ! 



In secret of Thy presence Thou 
Shalt hide them from man's pride ; 

From strife of tongues Thou closely shalt. 
As in a tent, them hide. 



All praise and thanks be to the Lord ; 

For He hath magnified 
His wondrous love to me within 

A city fortified. 



CANVASSING EXTRAORDINARY. 151 

For from Thine eyes cut off I am, ^ 

I in my haste had said, 
My voice yet heard'st Thou, wh .n to Thee 

With cries 

At this point a velvet-coated little cherub, rolling his eyes 
round the room, happened to fix them on the strangers at 
the door, whereupon dropping the line, he shouted, "Papa, 
look ! " 

Dr. Dulcis turned from his labors, and came forward. 
His face was flushed with exertion, but endued with all the 
self-possession of a gentleman, he exceedingly impressed the 
young lord with the dignity of his manner. 

*' You find me at a favorite amusement, my lord," said he, 
as if unconscious of the kindly irony which his term for the 
occupation of singing such uncouth verses suggested to the 
minds of his hearers. " We are all fond of singing, and 
specially fond of sonle of those old Scotch versions which 
preserve so much of the ruggedness and simplicity of the 
original. These verses afforded consolation to very dif- 
ferent men. Luther, a man of action, used to dwell with 
pleasure on that thirty-first verse ; and the next was a fa- 
vorite one of Melancthon, whose gentle mind was peculiarly 
sensitive to the ' strife of tongues.' " 

It is needless to say that this opening rather placed the 
two agents outside the conversation, but the young lord took 
it up very cordially. A propos of the Psalms, he forthwith 
plunged into a discussion on the Hebraism of Milton, and 
was astonished by the acute and brilliant comments made 
by his interlocutor. The agents were peculiarly vexed ; they 



152 LORD BANTAM. 

deemed this a sheer waste of time ; they were men of the 
world in a sense, but their wisdom stopi)ed at a low level. 
They did not know what Lord Bantam's higher instincts told 
him, that with the man before him he was doing more good 
by this conversation than by several hours of political bab- 
ble. At length the doctor himself came to the point. 

" I am very glad to see you, my lord," said he, " for your 
movements have not been without interest to me. Your 
boldness in casting off the restraints of class-interest, in 
your circumstances and at so early an age, has, if you Avill 
pardon tlie liberty I take in expressing it, won my prelimi- 
nary regard." 

" I am for right and justice," said the noble proletarian ; 
" a right and justice based, I believe, on the original princi- 
ples of a great Teacher, whom you honor as a divine prophet, 
and I as a human philosopher of singular insight and power. 
In the early simplicity of His disciples, before casuistic and 
transcendental refinement had been introduced by specula- 
tive theorists like Paul, or enthusiasts like John and James, 
the tendency of the followers of Christ was to that perfect 
Commune which the purest and most advanced philosophy 
of this day regards as the highest ideal of human social or- 
ganization." 

The two agents were stupefied. Dr. Dulcis seemed to 
overlook the combination of ungracious inferences involved 
in tlie young man's speech — the result of that intellectual ar- 
rogance which is the most common and intolerable of our 
University affectations. He said, quietly, 



CANVASSING EXTRAORDINARY. 153 

*' We could hardly discuss at this time all the points raised 
by your lordship. I of course regard them in a diflferent 
light and with another judgment. What I am happy to see 
is that you express broad and liberal opinions — such as in 
my belief must always when sincerely held and freely ex- 
pressed tend to bring truth out of darkness and fix it in hu- 
man conduct. Politically I am inclined to agree with you 
that there is much to be learned in modern economic polity, 
from the simple social principles of Christ ; but I am afraid 
it is dangerous to say so. Men are unhappily not prepared 
for the millennium." 

" But," intruded the business-hke Mr. Simpleton, " do 
you think, Dr. Dulcis, you can give his lordship your sup- 
port at this election ? " 

" I think I can," said the doctor ; " and if you should be 
returned, as I hope you may be, perhaps we shall have fre- 
quent opportunities of comparing notes on many important 
subjects." 

The young lord drew himself away with difficulty from the 
charming Dissenter to the harassing and degrading business 
of canvassing. There is probably no occupation, short of a 
crime, more demoralizing — and none certainly so disheart- 
ening, as the door to door mendicancy of a candidate for 
the honor of representing a borough in the Parliament of 
these kingdoms. 
7* 



154 LORD BANTAM, 



XII. —Inconvenient Results of Popular Reform, 

Mr. Fugleman's next move was towards the democracy. 
He was in Woodbury, not to secure the return of a Popular, 
but to obtain a seat for a Government nominee. To check- 
mate the dangerous barrister, it was essential that the Trades- 
unionist should first be dismissed the field. And Mr. Fugle- 
man called upon Ruggles. They had met before. Ruggles 
was an agitator, and had taken part in many contests on be- 
half of other persons. His rude and straightforward abilities • 
were antipathies of the Treasury agent. 

" Ah ! Mr. Fugleman," said the Unionist, " are you down 
here? There's sure to be some mischief up. You are not 
come to help me, I know." 

" I am down here," said the other blandly, ** to help the 
party. With this excess of Popular candidates the party will 
go to the wall. Is there no way of negotiating a compro- 
mise ? Take me into your confidence." 

" If I took you in there," said Ruggles, " you would soon 
take me in another way, I'm thinking. However, I'll be 
frank with you. There is one negotiation that will answer." 

" What's that ? " asked the other. 

" Withdraw the other candidates " 

*' Oh ! I have no influence over them whatever." 

" Yes you have, Mr. Fugleman, pardon me. The Treas- 
ury has ways of getting rid of candidates when they want to 
get in a gentleman. Let them show their sincerity towards 



RESULTS OF POPULAR REFORM. 155 

US by helping me to the seat now there is a good chance of 
returning me." 

" Impossible," said Fugleman. " Lord Bantam has the 
Antrobus influence and you cannot expect him to withdraw, 
nor can you offer him any inducements to do so. As for 
Mr. Heneage, I understand he is unmanageable." 

" Of course. He is a barrister looking for place," said 
Ruggles bitterly. 

"Well, now, Ruggles," said Fugleman, "you and I have 
worked together, and understand each other " 

" Do we?" interjected the shoemaker in an undertone. 

"And really, my dear fellow, such a town as this is not 
the place for you. You are a reasonable man, and have 
sense enough to see that this is an aristocratic and middle- 
class borough, and such people need educating up to the 
point of adopting a working-man candidate. I admit the 
stupidity of their prejudice, but as a practical man I entreat 
you to consider how hopeless it is to overcome it. If you 
will show me any borough in which there is a sufficient num- 
ber of working-men to give you a chance, honor bright, I 
promise you the support of the Treasury, and the money shall 
be found." 

" Stay a minute," said the unruly Ruggles r " you propose 
to return me somewhere by working-men. I am fighting for 
a wider principle than the mere return of a working-man by 
working-men. We are insisting that there ought to be no 
class in politics, and that a working-man who has equal or 
higher abilities ought to have as generous support from the 



156 LORD BANTAM 



upper classes as the gentlemen get from the lower. We are 
determined also that we will be consulted in every election, 
and have no hole-and-corner nominations by self-constituted 
leaders. Those are the principles I'm fighting for here ; 
and, it strikes me, they are principles none of you will un- 
derstand thoroughly until we have let a lot of Fogies slip 
into Parliament." 

Fugleman bit his lips. He was thinking what infinite 
idiots were the reforming busybodies who had made these 
awkward electoral incidents possible. They were the dis- 
traction of a party — especially of a Popular party with its 
confounded variety of opinions. 

* * 
» 

XIII. — Explosion — of a totally new fulminating Agent. 

Meantime a storm was brewing for Mr. Fugleman, of a 
very unexpected character. No sooner had he left Mr. 
Richey, than that gentleman put on his hat and went over 
to Mr. Heneage's committee-rooms. He was excited. 

" Mr. Hcneage," said he, " Lord Bantam's friends, and 
my Lord Haricot, and the Treasury have to-day passed an 
insult upon me which I venture to say is unprecedented in 
my family history. Read that letter \^£ord H.'s], and that 
[Ti/son's]. 

Heneage read and profited. He handed them to his 
agent, whose eyes twinkled. The latter seemed to be re- 
volving some programme or newspaper placard in his mind ; 



EXPLOSION OF A NEW AGENT. 157 

for he said, musingly, " Unprecedented affair — Treasury 
dictalion in elections — extraordinary perversion of a trust 
for political purposes by a Ministerial peer. Mr. Richey," 
said he, "you have won us the election." 

After half an hour's consultation, the following letter was 
addressed to the Prime Minister : 

TO THE RIGHT HONORABLE UDOLPHO 
POLKINGHORNE, 

Treasury, Whitehall. 
SIR, 

I have the honor to address yon on a fnatlcr of extreme importance. 
A most unusual and improper interference in the freedom of election 
has taken place on the part of your subordinates in the Treasury, and 
of a Cabinet Minister of high position — of so grave a character as 
seriously to jeopardize the jlfinistry, if made public. 

A Treasury agent has been sent down to the borough during a con- 
tested election, for the express purpose of assisting a particular Liberal 
candidate, though there are two others in the field, who has, without 
e7)en paying me the courtesy of calling upon me, canvassed on behalf 
of that candidate ; and has, moreover, endeavored to use undue influ- 
ence in weaning from me some of my supporters. 

I cannot conceive that coitduct so disingenuous and so utterly at va- 
riance with the proper management of a great party should have been 
adopted with your concurrence. 

I have further to infor7n you that the Right Honorable the Lord 
President of the Council — who is a trustee of the estate to which the 
largest interest in this borough is attached — has used the fortuitous 
position given him by that relation, to exercise undue influence and 
pressure upon the tetiafit of that estate in favor of Lord Bantatn. It 
is unftecessary for me to point out the damaging effect which a disclos- 
ure of this fact would have upon the prestige of the Alinistry, and I 



158 LORD BANTAM 



appeal to you to see that such remedy is applied as may afford me com- 
plete reparation for this most injurious and improper intervention. 
J have the honor to be. 
Sir, 
Your most obedient, humble Servant, 

FREDERICK COKE HENEAGE. 

This letter was forwarded by train and specially delivered. 
It acted like a shell at the Treasury. Messengers radiated 
in all directions. A telegram conveyed the news to Fugle- 
man, whose quick apprehension took in the effect of the let- 
ter in a moment. This was electioneering of tlie highest 
order. By the down train arrived a Treasury messenger, 
with a letter to Heneage, boldly refuting all his inferences ; 
asserting that I^ord Haricot had positively declined to inter- 
fere in the election, and had strictly adhered to his determin- 
ation ; that his letter to Pike had been simply one of cour- 
tesy (copy enclosed), and that Mr. Richey had evidently 
mistaken the tenor of the communication made to him. 

What the Treasury communicated to Mr. Fugleman, he 
kept to himself But he called together Lord Bantam's 
inner council. A very long conference ensued. That also 
was secret. Mr. Simpleton expressed himself there with some 
animation, and protested that they ought to go on. He as- 
sured them that he had *' been over tlie borough," and fejt 
perfectly certain, if matters were left in his hands, that he 
could return his lordship. Before the daylight had closed, it 
was whispered about town that the young lord had retired, 
and the crowd that collected round the *' Moon and Green 
Cheese" soon read the confirmation in an advertisement 



THE PRESS EXPRESS THEIR OPINION. 159 

posted on either side of the door. Simpleton's disgust was 
inexpressible. He had got hold of six experienced fellows 
by whom he would have succeeded in convincing a large 
number of voters of Lord Bantam's superiority — at any 
price. But he confessed that the new ways of electioneering 
were " unsettling his stomach." 

Heneage's triumph was only momentary. At the nomi- 
nation Ruggles had the show of hands ; at the poll the 
Honorable Captain Cavendishe led his opponents by 
nearly two hundred and fifty votes. Of these, one hundred 
were friends of the Trades-unionist, and the other hundred 
and fifty were supporters of Mr. Heneage. The arguments 
that had transformed them were employed during the course 
of the night that preceded the day of polling. 

XIV. — The Press express their opinions. 

The fiasco at Woodbury afforded an opportunity to the 
press for some sparkling criticisms. Nearly everybody had 
a rap over the knuckles. Mr. Heneage was blamed for his 
"unjustifiable ambition," his " overweening self-confidence," 
his " disregard of the amenities of party discipline," threat- 
ened with everlasting political reprobation for " dividing the 
party." The Ministerial journals were specially vicious. 
Lord Bantam's success, it was represented with great truth, 
would have been certain, had no other candidate appeared 
in the field. He was the first to offer himself, had been 



l6o LORD BANTAM, 



selected by the local heads of the party, approved by the 
leaders in London ; and it was most unreasonable that a 
gentleman of comparatively unknown name, without any 
claims upon the party, should have taken advantage of some 
small local discontent to organize opposition. Populars all 
over the country were warned that discipline was essential 
to party success, and reminded that free-lance politicians 
were parliamentary nuisances. Poor Ruggles had no 
mercy. His assumptions were characterized as impudent, 
and the fallacious nature of the claims of working-men to 
representation were rather illogically pointed out on the one 
hand, while it was argued on the other that in effect there 
was already a fair proportion of working-men representatives 
in the House. Tomkins was asked why he should have 
interposed his vain and hopeless candidature at so critical a 
period, thereby distracting the attention of the electors. 
Amidst all these objurgations it was omitted to be observed 
that the object of a party organization and a parliamentary 
whip and a Treasury agent was to jsrevent such occurrences. 
Whether a little more tactical skill at headquarters might 
not have secured a victory for the party at the expense of a 
disappointment to the Government, was not asked, though a 
most pertinent question. Mr. Ruggles, in a letter to the 
Chimes, very bluntly told the Ministry that "the people 
cared very little about Ministries but very much about 
principles, and that if they attempted to dictate to free 
boroughs who their representatives were to be, or to use 
undue influences in favor of one class or quality in their 



IN PARLIAMENT. l6l 

own party against another, they would deserve to be de- 
feated by the Fogies at every election until they had come 
to a sense of what the Popular party was, and how only it 
could be managed." 

The reins which are to direct a party of progress must 
necessarily be looser than the curbs which are to hold in 
hand the party of obstruction. The Tartar will drive half a 
hundred wild and unsociable dogs in a pack, without reins, 
by his voice ; your aristocratic whip holds in his pampered 
four-in-hand with double curbs and flogs them with an active 
lash. They are both masters in driving, and both succeed 
in getting out of their team the largest possible results, but 
their different tactics are owing to the difiference in the 

animals. 

* * 
* 

XV.— In Parliament. 

The annoyance caused to the Ffowlsmere family by this 
failure was short-lived. The borough of Ffowlsmere was 
held by an obedient servant of the Earl, who shortly after 
found him an office, and thereupon Lord Bantam was re- 
turned without opposition. On his presenting himself to the 
constituency, the inveterate Broadbent formed a party to 
oppose him ; but our hero developed a breadth of view 
which completely won over the Chartist leaders. He even 
professed many of their principles. His religion was clearly 
as unsettled as their own, and his Communistic views were 
in such strange contrast with his enormous prospects, that 



l62 LORD BANTAM. 

Broadbent began to hope that this was to be the inaugural 
prophet of a new Socialistic era. For the present the shoe- 
maker was compelled to be satisfied with vague pledges, but 
he looked forward to creating in the borough a party strong 
enough to demand something more specific. The young 
lord scandalized his most respectable supporters, by insisting 
that Broadbent should second him at the nomination — a 
humiliation to which it took all the weight of his wealth and 
position to reconcile them to submit. In this way, Lord 
Bantam became a Member of Parliament. 

* * 

* 

XVI. — Disaster to a Prig Ministry. 

Lord Bantam took the oaths and his seat for Ffowlsmere 
at this time. The state of parties in the House and the 
position of the Ministry were peculiar. It was suffering from 
a Prig incubus. Its chief — one may say its heaviest — mem- 
bers were of that anachronistic class that appertain to the 
era of primary reform ; an era which has almost become to 
the scientific student of politics, a fossil period, wherein are 
stratified not a few monsters and other relics — in stone. 
The Prigs are a well-known party. They are zealous for 
progress — when it is least agitated. They have a Dervish- 
like proficiency in tergiversation. Their theories and profes- 
sions are in many points most liberal ; but they are the most 
niggardly of political benefactors. A Prig is a Fogy without 
principle and a Radical without practice. 



DISASTER TO A PRIG MINISTRY. 163 

The Ministry then in power was that of Lord Polking- 
horne, a Prig by birth and education. He was ably supple- 
mented by Earl Ffowlsmere, Lord Haricot, and other 
distinguished Prigs. A cruel vulgarism was current regard- 
ing the connection of this last-mentioned peer with the Min- 
istry, that he was always making a hash of it. A few diluted 
Radicals taken into the Cabinet as a concession to the ex- 
tremists, but rigidly selected with reference to their modera- 
tion or their known impressibility, were insufficient to infuse 
into this highly respectable Government the life-blood of 
progress. For some years, peace on the Continent, and 
prosperity at home, had prolonged conditions favorable to 
the quiescence of this Ministry. But unhappily men will 
think. Requiescat in Pace is only written on dead men's 
tombs ; and Lord Polkinghorne found that it was not to be 
inscribed on his administration. The people became con- 
scious of social wants and of corresponding Government 
neglects, and in looking round to remedy these, found them- 
selves obstructed by the state of the political machinery 
wherewith the regeneration must be worked. The Public 
Health was in an unendurable state, and there was neither 
law nor organization to improve it. They observed that no 
efforts were being made to redress those inequalities be- 
tween the capitalist and laborer, which must exist and in- 
crease unless the latter has some artificial aid to adjust the 
balance from a power superior to both. They discovered 
that the chronic agitations of an island attached to the em- 
pire had become so serious as to necessitate immediate legis- 



164 LORD BANTAM 



lation, and they resolved that the long-tried methods of 
quieting the aspirations of the people — fiery and foolish in 
too many things, yet having their rights before God and man 
— must now be displaced by measures more rational. A 
strong national feeling was growing in favor of the provision 
of education by the State, and a subordinate agitation arose 
out of it concerning the question of procuring the necessary 
schools by a concurrent endowment of denominations. The 
labor organizations were demanding that Government should 
superintend the migration of labor within the kingdom, and 
the emigration from it. In fact, the country had clearly re- 
solved that it had rested and been thankful with exemplary 
patience, and it now began to yawn and stretch its arms 
portentously. In doing so, like Gulliver with the Lillipu- 
tians, it shook the Ministry rather roughly. 

As is too frequently necessary — and perhaps much too 
often needlessly considered necessary — the minds of the 
people looked towards the accomplishment of these great 
ends by overhauling the political machinery. A tremendous 
agitation shook the country, having for its aim the Reconsti- 
tution of Electoral Districts. It was represented that many 
small constituencies were more powerful than large ones — 
that glaring inequalities yet remained as a legacy from the 
past — that the effect of these inequalities was to cripple the 
popular vote and give undue power to the limited classes. 
Until this was changed, it was alleged, there could be no 
hope of obtaining a true Popular House and a true Popular 
Ministry. 



DISASTER TO A PRIG MINISTRY. 165 

The government of Lord Polkinghorne — pledged so far 
as hustings-speeches went to facilitate representation of the 
people — found itself compelled to take up the question. It 
had brought in several bills on successive sesssions — and 
had permitted them not to succeed. At length the country 
would brook delay no longer. Excitement ran high. Vast 
public meetings were held in large halls or in the open air. 
Immense bodies of men from six to ten abreast filed for 
hours before the clubs and palaces at the West End of the 
metropolis, for the purpose of enabling their tenants to 
count the numbers of persons who disagreed with them — 
perhaps not an altogether useless lesson in arithmetic. 
Squirmingham went into hysterics, with its mayor incessantly 
in the chair. Cottonchester wasted its hours in spinning 
indignant orations. Liversedge, Ironchester, Radford, sent 
deputations to the Prime Minister. He, on account of 
their magnitude, was obliged — with the leave of the Domes- 
tic Minister, who had all obstructions carefully removed for 
the purpose — to receive them in the Park, and paid them 
extreme courtesy. The " Redistribution League," consti- 
tuted by some very able artisans in London, spread its ram- 
ifications through the country. Of course the Government 
had been obliged to bring in a bill, and of course it was un- 
satisfactory. It had the flavor of Priggism. It preserved 
too carefully the county influence, and the very object of the 
Radicals was to reduce that influence to the minimum. The 
Fogies were dissatisfied with it because it was too Radical, 
and uniting with their opponents below the gangway in a 



l66 LORD BANTAM, 



division on the second reading, they, just three weeks after 
Lord Bantam had become a member of the House, threw 
out the bill and the Ministry. 

The young lord, who sat below the gangway, had been 
eager to show that he was a Minerva legislator and needed 
no suckling. He spoke twice before the catastrophe — once 
on the question of facilitating the acquisition of homes by 
artisans in great cities — and the second time (on the Redis- 
tribution Bill) in a very ambitious speech against the Govern- 
ment, of which his father was a member. At this the Earl 
lost his temper, and rated him soundly for his unnatural 
conduct. To which he replied that his conscience had com- 
pelled him to act as he had done. Whereupon the Earl, 
with true Prig consistency " d — d his conscience." 



XVIL— The Claims of Society on its Gods. 

Now fairly launched upon the world — Peer's son, Rotter- 
dam heir, meniber of Parliament, budding statesman, author 
— Lord Bantam was a conspicuous object. A star like this 
could shine with no dim splendor. Bui if stars are sublunary 
enough to be reached by human enterprise their destiny is to 
do more than twinkle. The young lord had taken some 
quiet chambers at St. James's, expecting to be left to do his 
work as a people's representative. 

In a few weeks the number of circulars, cards, letters, 
newspapers, forwarded to him from all parts of the United 



THE CLAIMS OF SOCIETY ON ITS GODS. 167 

Kingdom, from people of every nation, sex, and profession, 
from corporate and incorporate bodies, and from the clergy, 
struck him aghast. He found it necessary to hire another 
room and employ a secretary. He was good-natured, he 
was energetic, he was open to flattery, he was heir to fabu- 
lous wealth. These were dangerous qualifications in 
England just then. So many people were anxious to take 
advantage of them. The number of agents who called for 
subscriptions to societies, philanthropic or otherwise, was 
legion. He went into a good deal of their work with avidity. 
He became Vice-President of the " Poor Authors' Society" 
at the usual expense of ^S°' He held the same office for 
the "Centenarian Widows' Fund" and the "Society for the 
Reclamation of Waste Women." He became a Patron of 
the "Good Samaritan Insurance Club," the only appropri- 
ateness one could distinguish in the name being that it was 
certain to land its client on the back of an ass. 

But Lord Bantam proved of too earnest and practical a 
turn of mind for the managers of some of these charities. In 
many of them these qualities were gladly welcomed and hap- 
pily utilized. Others deemed him needlessly intrusive into 
the conduct of their business or the state of their accounts. 
Thus he scandalized the managers of the Centenarian 
Widows' Fund, by suggesting that the annual dinner should 
be foregone by the subscribers and devoted to the widows, 
but the secretary and managers hastily explained that din- 
ners were means to extract aid from the consumers of them. 
Lord Bantam was incredulous. He would not believe that 



l68 LORD BANTAM, 



the gift of any really charitable person could be given or 
withheld on grounds so gross and trivial. But he was admit- 
tedly a novice. The officials were better acquainted with 
the grounds of British benevolence, and since their own liv- 
ing was at stake they may be taken to have been correct. 

He was besieged both in and out of the House, by pro- 
moters of public companies, who set before him authentic 
estimates for making money without trouble. He was sim- 
ply asked to " lend his name " as a director. It is a singu- 
lar fact that to such allurements Lord Bantam was particu- 
larly open. Wealth never seems to oversatisfy its possessor. 
The insatiable more rules the millionnaire and the pauper 
alike. It was a pleasure to him to exhibit a talent for 
business and to increase his already exorbitant riches. The 
Earl his father was not disinclined to encourage him in this 
line, cautioning him to investigate carefully every scheme 
proposed to him. In the course of a year Lord Bantam's 
name adorned nearly twenty prospectuses of public compa- 
nies, along with other peers, M.P.'s, and supposititious capi- 
talists. To any other man the results would have been 
ruinous. It was not until he had narrowly escaped a crimin- 
al prosecution that he had the strength to resist the tempting 
proposals set before him by stock-jobbing fellow-legislators 
in the lobbies of Parliament. 






THE NOBILITY. 169 



XVIII.— The Nobility. 

I AM inclined to think that at this time our hero was the 
prey of an ambition such as sometimes afflicts ardent minds 
even outside of asylums. Broadbent had thoroughly con- 
vinced himself and succeeded in persuading the young lord 
that " there was a great career before him." This career 
was to come to a glorious consummation in the transfiguration 
"of labor and the regeneration of society. It was pointed out 
to Lord Bantam that, as labor must get its rights, and society 
was sure to be regenerated, it would be no mean honor to 
be the leader in that illustrious movement. There is a patent 
vagueness in the terms employed, and as much in the object, 
but both sounded and seemed very magnificent. To a man 
of such forced intellectual activities, various sympathies and 
supreme philosophies as Bantam, the prospect was transcen- 
dent, and the few mountains of obstruction which appeared 
in the way dwindled into mole-hills. The dreams of the pro- 
letariat rested upon a condition of things which I must, at the 
risk of being tedious, describe with a little detail. 

In the political character of the British artisan, there was 
much to discourage his most generous admirer. The in- 
fluence of feudal tyranny, of debasing patronage, of a vicious 
system of poor relief, of reckless and inordinate charity, of 
an ignorance, — the peril and evil of which lay at the door 
of long-protracted Prig indifference, . supported by Fogy 



I70 LORD BANTAM. 

Stupidity and clerical bigotry, — showed their cruel effects in 
the condition of the working-classes. 

Against this state of things, how could they, poor weak- 
lings ! fight ? Out of the mire of it how blindly, wildly, 
must they struggle ! What generous sympathy and patient 
forbearing help did they require in their difficult efforts to 
enhance their position ! 

This was the state in which Lord Bantam found them, 
and, I regret to say, has left them. They had organized 
themselves in a rough way at first, but afterwards, with re- 
markable success, into associations for protecting the Rights 
of Labor. In doing this, no wonder if they often erred, 
often went to extremes, often broke the conditions of the 
social compact ; the injustice was not always on their side. 
They had in certain instances recognized objects of com- 
mon good, and with the aid of noble men from other classes 
had attained them. They were still dissatisfied. They 
were conscious that they needed more — not always sensible, 
nor always agreed what that more was. Some looked to 
political change and revolution, as the torch of their social 
improvement. Others looked to projects apparently more 
utilitarian and less ambitious, such as that the State should 
organize the labor of the country; superintend the dispo- 
sition of profits, of land, of food ; in fact, that the Govern- 
ment should be the father and mother of the nation. They 
did not see how impracticable such a scheme was ; that the 
freest of governments must of necessity be the least 
paternal ; that the best which is done for a man is what he 



THE NOBILITY. 171 

does for himself; that the most they could ask society to do 
, — and that was much — was to prompt and foster judicious 
measures when there was danger of their lying undone for 
want of such aid — to remove the impediments, legal, social, 
political, religious, which on nearly every hand obstructed 
progress ; and lastly, that though society did ignore many of 
its duties, the proposed remedies would almost have in- 
volved its destruction. 

Among these men had arisen able leaders, not always 
wise or discreet perhaps, some of them not always trust- 
worthy, but many of them men of good metal and earnest 
spirit. But envy, detraction, jealousy, incompatibility of 
view, temper, aim, religion, struck wide, savage gaps through 
the vast mass, and everywhere it yawned with divisions and 
lost its concrete strength. No wonder with such a mass ! 
So terribly inert, so sadly ignorant, so corrupted by the evil 
education of the past, so deficient in the elements of po- 
litical cohesion. How weeds and thorns flourished in it ! 
How Infidels, Revolutionists, Red Communists spread their 
vicious contagion among the reeking millions, and how 
society looked on, and trembled, and wondered what the 
end would be — and did nothing. 

Lord Bantam looking on these things thought, with hasty 
and impulsive generalization, that the end was to be the 
Commune, and that he would be doing a patriot's duty in 
pioneering that end. He enthusiastically dedicated himself 
to the propagation of theories of free thought and free life. 
He disregarded the less lofty but equally noble and more 



1 72 LORDBANTAM. 



practical possibilities of good lying at his hands : in the va- 
rious measures for giving to the laborer healthier homes, 
better dwellings, facilities for internal and colonial transit ; 
for opening to their energies the vast land resources of the 
empire and encouraging their development of them ; in im- 
proving their relations with their employers ; in removing 
all hindrances to their free association and cooperation ; 
in extending to them the benefits of ordinary and technical 
education; in freeing the land from feudal restraints and 
superstitions, from an impolitic law of settlement, from the 
evils of primogeniture, from the incubus of mortmain, and 
from the obstructions, legal or otherwise, to its cheap and 
easy transfer ; in reclaiming for the settlement of laborers 
vast tracts now lying waste ; and in those thousand-and-one 
remedies which lie in removal of restrictions. These great 
measures, which society might with some safety engage in, 
were discarded by our hero for the impracticable dreams of 
the Commune. 

He naturally came under'the notice of political intriguers. 
He subscribed to a Society for the Abolition of the Sabbath, 
and attended meetings held in Bellowsbury by a miserable 
brawler, who combined secret plotting, open-air preaching, 
and organizing demonstrations on every question affecting 
the working-classes, with a shallow irreligion. This person 
made a living out of ingenious blasphemy, and procured 
currency for opinions not otherwise vendible, by mixing 
them with profanity. 

Lord Bantam's ostentatious principles of general humanity 



THE NOBILITY. 173 

led him to overlook these evil accidents, and he professed to 
find in this man's work a ground of good and verity which 
justified him in assisting it. So grossly had he mistaken 
Kelso's teaching. How much capacity of good he himself 
may have lost by his indiscreet and needless boldness, he 
never seems' to have considered, and we are not called upon 
to estimate. 



PART VI. 

HOW HE EMBRACED THE ECLECTIC RELIGION. 

I. — Society — at large. 

Our hero had spent his Ufe thus far somewhat apart from 
the company of the fairer sex. The Countess's fashionable 
diques did not attract him. It was the society of a lady in- 
triguing for a party with which he had few sympathies. The 
fresh young belles of the season were unknown to a young 
lord engaged in revolutionary politics, philosophic philan- 
thropies and the exercise of eloquence. It was therefore 
not without awkwardness that he at first made his debiXf. 
Both the Earl and Countess, hoping to wean him from his 
" odd views," impressed upon him the necessity of taking 
his place in the social intercourse of his class. Perhaps 
they looked forward to a lucky alliance with some charming 
devotee of the party to disperse his youthful illusions. In 
acceding to their desire, he did so with bad grace. Society 
was anxious to see him, not only for his distinguished posi- 
tion, but because of his peculiarities. His red hair and 
notorious opinions were suggestively coupled wherever the 
former appeared. On the other hand, he was cool and self- 
confident in argument : his speech had a startling and rather 
rude directness; his voice even was somewhat strident. 
When the time came for him to dine at Lady Singleton's, 
and to take down the most fascinating belle of the season, 



SOCIETY — AT LARGE. 175 

tlie Honorable Emmeline Wycherley, who was equal to any- 
thing and anybody, from the Derby or tableaux vivants with 
those gay lords, Stableton and Guy, to a royal garden party 
or an Evangelical bishop, young Bantam was a mere baby in 
her hands. She chatted so brightly and so rapidly — with 
such naive aflfectation, such sly, coy wit — the young lord did 
not know where he was. He had formed in his celibate and 
abstracted mind his own ideal of a woman — something quite 
different from the sparkling creature beside him ; something 
pensive and powerful, tender yet strong, able to wrestle with, 
yet always submissive to his mightier nature — an angel and 
a Goddess of Reason. But this actual young lady played 
with his gravest premises, cut short his conclusions, laughed 
at his most serious argument, and dispersed with gay con- 
tumely his serried array of opinions. 

Why she would flout the devil, and make blush 

The boldest face of man that ever man saw. 

He that hath best opinion of his wit, 

And hath his brain-pan fraught with bitter jests 

(Or of his own or stolen or howsoever). 

Let him stand ne'er so high in 's own conceit. 

Her wit's a sun that melts him down like butter. 

And makes him sit at table pancake-wise. 

Flat, flat, and ne'er a word to say. 

She asked him about the races. 

He protested ignorance of the turf — well he might — and 
raised his eyebrows when she told him she already had sev- 
eral " ponies on the Oaks." 

She unfolded a wide and varied intimacy with theatrical 
gossip, both from before and behind the scenes ; and told 



176 LORD BANTAM, 



him how that sad fellow, Lord Herrick, was quite infatuated 
with the celebrated Bella. The celebrated Bella was un- 
known to Lord Bantam, and he said so. The beauty affect- 
ed to raise her eyebrows this time. 

She then gave him a lively account of her brother's elec- 
tion for Wrongwich, when she canvassed a whole district for 
him ; how she and her mamma helped him to floor his oppo- 
nent, a military officer, by an earnest crusade against the 
Outrageous Distempers Bill. Had he ever gone into that 
question ? Did he know, her mamma ahd she were members 
of a committee for agitating against the bill ? Lord Bantam 
blushed most foolishly, and owned that he had never ex- 
amined the literature of that question. Very well ; she 
would be sure and tell mamma to send him a package of 
the pamphlets : every one was interested in the subject now, 
and she herself had made two colonels promise to vote 
against it in the House. She hoped he would be converted, 
and would help them. 

By the way, talking of that bill, her friend, her dearest 
friend, Sophronia Enequil, — daughter of Lord Chepstowe, you 
know — was one of those who had come forward to engage 
publicly in the crusade against the bill. She always v/as a 
blue-stocking, and indeed every one admitted she was very 
clever. Her speeches and essays were getting to be quite 
celebrated. Had he read " Woman and her Master, or the 
Tables Turned " ? This work had escaped his observation. 

Sophronia was connected also with the " Society for De- 



SOCIETY — AT LARGE. 177 



veloping the Mental and Moral Stamina of Women"— in 
fact, was its honorary secretary. 

Bantam admitted that this was a new phase of sociology 
to him, and promised to study it. 

Had he heard the new Dean ? All the world was going 
to hear him. His sermons were so touching and so grace- 
ful, with so much thought, and in such a manner. It quite 
thrilled one, and made one cry sometimes. Besides, the 
Dean was always preaching to statesmen, and she under- 
stood Lord Bantam was really expected to be a very distin- 
guished statesman — a sly compliment which brought down 
the color from his hair into his cheeks. 

Wlien the gentlemen rejoined the ladies in the drawing- 
room. Bantam found himself insensibly attracted to the side 
of the vexatious charmer. She was placing a new photo- 
graph in her album. It was that of an exquisitely pensive 
face, with such finely moulded features, such ripe, sweet lips, 
such a Grecian chin, and over what seemed to be magnifi- 
cently lustrous eyes, such long, bewitching lashes. Ignorant 
as he was of the demi-mo7ide, he recognized it instantly as 
one, common enough in fast men's rooms at the university, 
of a woman whose name was notorious in every mouth ; and 
looking at it aghast, he rather hastily stayed the young lady's 
hand as she was slipping the card into the book, 

" You are very rude," said she, half playfully and half in 
earnest. 

" I — I — I beg your pardon," said Lord Bantam in some 
confusion. " I was struck by the likeness ; and I thought 



1 78 LORDBANTAM. 

— in fact, I know whose portrait this is, and I was sure you 
did not. Perhaps, if you knew, you might not Hke to have 
it among the faces of your friends." 

" Oh," repUed Miss Wycherley, laughing, as she completed 
the setting, "you must not go about giving moral lectures 
in society. I know who it is perfectly well. I have seen 
her often enough in the Park with Lord Guy. It is Nora 
Day. He told me her story, and her face is very charming. 
I don't mind who the person is, so long as the face is pretty." 

He silently looked over the pages, and again and again 
detected faces and forms of dubious French aspect, along- 
side of Her Majesty, Her Majesty's daughters, the beautiful 
Princess of Denmark, the Honorable Miss Wycherley' s 
most cherished lady-friends, her dearest relations ; and con- 
ceitedly resolving in his own mind that his likeness should 
never be seen in that singular galaxy, rather abruptly took 
his leave. 

" Heigho ! " cried Miss Wycherley to her mamma, -'Lord 
Bantam is a philosophical fop, without manners, who at 
twenty-one (she was just nineteen) assumes to give the cue 
for morals to the rest of society. A has les despots ! " 

"Emmeline," replied her ladyship, cautiously, "he will 
be the richest man in England." 

When virtue speaks with the lips of the richest man in 
England, she is entitled to be despotic, and vanity may well 
hold her tongue. 

The Honorable Miss Wycherley' s conversation, trivial as 
it seems, did not pass speedily from the young lord's mem- 



THE women's society. 179 

ory. He kept his promise to study the subject of the sub- 
jection of women — a study for which already ample literature 
was provided. His facile mind soon seized upon the points, 
and he regarded them with favor. At the Radical club he 
met with an advanced philosopher of high literary standing, 
who set before him the correct theses of the new school. 

So rapidly do convictions grow in this tropical era — espe- 
cially amongst ambitious statesmen — it was not many months 
before our young lord could have viewed with resignation 
almost any pretensions put forward by what he had hitherto 
regarded as the weaker sex. 

* * 

II. — The Women's Society. 

In the era of his budding enthusiasm for the cause of 
woman, Lord Bantam came into contact with the Society for 
Developing the Mental and Moral Stamina of Women. His 
connection with it had an important influence on his future life. 
The Countess of Ffowlsmere had been for a short time a pat- 
roness of this institution, and had attended its meetings. In 
its incipient stages it was a mild form of blue-stocking fever. 
In fact, it was a literary club, where what are termed strong- 
minded views were entertained — that term I presume being 
relative to the persons concerned. At the meetings every- 
thing was discussed that did not immediately and properly 
relate to woman and her duties in life — duties most of which 
are prescribed by nature with vexatious rigidity. One of the 



l8o ■ LORD BANTAM, 



most annoying facts the ladies had to meet was, that although 
a woman might refuse to take into her hands so paltry yet 
useful a thing as a needle, she could hardly avoid the obli- 
gation of nursing, were she a mother. There are clearly 
matters in which woman's " sphere " is peculiar. But the 
good ladies of this society ignored these impertinent facts, 
and confined themselves to negativing masculine superiority 
— a field as safe as any polemical field could be. I ought 
to mention that the clique from its outset was of democratic 
character. On the committee, Peeresses and Honorable 
Mesdames and Misses sat side by side with authoresses and 
milliners and governesses, and the meetings were of a very 
composite material. 

For a while the discussions and publications of this society 
were more dry than startling. The unexceptionable subjects 
of the right of females to vote, of protection to married 
women's property, of the higher education of women, were 
treated, if with no novelty, with great propriety. Gentlemen 
were occasionally admitted to learn wisdom from the new 
reformers. The Earl of Ffowlsmere had presided at one 
meeting; even Lord Evergood had taken the chair at 
another : but, on the whole, the males distinguished by this 
privilege were philosophers, men of a meek spirit and se- 
lected for that qualification. They never lifted up their 
voices in any but the mildest applause or deprecation. 

But, the society increasing, a new element began to de- 
velop itself Several very vigorous ladies were introduced. 
Mrs. and the Misses Croquet, Lady Sophronia Enequil, the 



THE women's society. i8i 

Hon. Flora Temperley, Miss Virginia Crabb, who had adopted 
the Positivist philosophy, Mrs. Dart, writer of three-volume 
novels which just skimmed the edge of Lord Campbell's 
Act, Miss Debrett, authoress of social articles in a sensa- 
tional magazine ; and other ladies whose antecedents were 
unknown, had no sooner joined the institute, than they 
began to give a boldness and liveliness to the discussions 
which disconcerted some of the elders. Many of the latter 
withdrew, among them Lady i^'fowlsmere. The effect of 
this withdrawal was to give fresh notoriety to the association, 
and to increase its membership from that class of floating 
women of independent means, strong minds and no hus- 
bands, who occasionally emerge and distract society. The 
institution now became largely leavened with a real mascu- 
line element. It was at this time that Lord Bantam was 
invited to take the chair at one of its meetings. He had 
expatiated on the '* Sphere of Woman," in the " Literary Col- 
iseum," a review which had space for a hundred thousand 
opinions. A letter, written in a masculine hand, from the 
Honorary Secretary, Lady Sophronia Enequil, invited him to 
preside at a meeting of the society, when she was to read a 
paper on " Comte's Estimate of the Feminine." His mother 
informed him that Lady Sophronia, daughter of the Earl of 
Chepstowe, was a young lady of brilliant talents and an 
original character. 

" I must warn you," said the Countess, " that the associa- 
tion is now a very queer one — but then you like queer 
things. I understand they have grown quite shocking, and 



l82 LORD BANTAM, 



that the most absurd theories are advanced. The last I 
heard of was a motion that marriage ought to be made a 
matter of contract terminating from year to year ; a sugges- 
tion which, apart from its obvious inconveniences, is so 
atrociously immoral, that in my opinion its propagation 
should be suppressed by law. Sophronia is a lady with all 
her peculiarities, and very clever and engaging, so I would 
have you beware of her, if you must go and preside over 
such strange conclaves." 

Bantam accepted the honor with pleasure. For a whole 
morning he dipped into the " Philosophic Positif " to re- 
fresh his memory and glean some idea of the doctrines to be 
propounded by the fair essayist. In the evening he drove 
to the hall, where the intellectual orgies of advanced femin- 
inity were held. Ladies were descending from cabs at the 
door. Others were coming alone and on foot. His Lord- 
ship began to think that he was going into a " queer " place. 
He was received by three ladies in bonnets, and two desti- 
tute of those accidents, who exhibited short-cut curly hair, 
and wore unusually limited skirts. The Committee. A sol- 
itary gentleman grinned to him a welcome. This was a 
little man with an excessively small head, small eyes, nose 
slightly retroiissee, mouth large and full of teeth, which were 
always glistening. His tall, thin neck stood up between 
huge shirt collars. He was dressed in rather seedy black — 
a professional gentleman. Not a clergyman — perhaps a 
surgeon. It turned out he was a school-teacher and a Uni- 



THE women's society. 183 

tarian minister. His name was Chatters. There often 
seems a special providence in the assignment of names. 

But the prominent person to Lord Bantam's eye was the 
honorary secretary, Lady Sophronia. She was not hand- 
some, nor could it be said that she was the reverse. Her 
face was a face of thought, perhaps of power, certainly 
of determination — with flashing uneasiness in the brown 
eyes. The feature of features was her nose. If it were not 
quite so formidable as the tower of Lebanon looking toward 
Damascus, it stood forth a prominent beacon to all behold- 
ers. Its proportions overawed the rest of her face. It dis- 
countenanced the most impertinent boldness in an observer. 
With that nose before him, the spectator found it impossible 
to be frivolous or to assume an air of patronage. On the 
contrary, it was so potential, you felt it must have its way. 
You would have stepped into the gutter to avoid its onset. 
Perhaps the full mouth and lips, and the fine teeth when they 
were shown, as they were when she was animated, did to 
some extent mitigate the tyrannical attitude of the nose, but 
it was only mitigation. When Lord Bantam came under the 
shadow of it he succumbed to its influence. Lady Sophronia 
took him in hand, and did what she liked with him. She ex- 
plained to him what line she intended to take, and what she 
wished him to say. He was not sure whether he agreed to 
it, whether it was rational or logical, but he was incapable 
of objection. It was a case of nasal duress. 

They entered the hall, which was pretty well filled. It 
could be seen at a glance that a number of fashionables had 



184 LORD BANTAM 



been attracted by the programme, among whom were not a 
few young ladies of immature years. There also appeared 
to be numbers of male and female nondescrijDts. 

The young Lord sat scratching his red hair in search of 
ideas. Lady Flora Temperley moved that he take the chair. 
He took it, and rose to speak amid treble cheers. The 
ladies affected parliamentary usages. He said : 

" Ladies and Gentlemen — or perhaps as a testimony to 
my acknowledgment of equality I ought to say — 'my 
friends,' irrespective of sex (cheers), I cannot easily express 
how flattered I am at the honor conferred upon me in asking 
me to preside at a meeting so important, so peculiar. Time 
was when such an assemblage for such a purpose was im- 
possible. Anterior to creation (laughter) — do not misunder- 
stand me — anterior, I say, to creation, if there ever was one, 
there must have existed in a creative mind the Idea of that 
human nature which has through rising ages developed into 
the two seemingly diverse if not antagonistic lines that 
we denominate the sexes. Modern science, ranging the 
universe in search of truth, and working with a diligence and 
accuracy previously unknown, has ascertained with certainty 
that that primordial Ideal was not double, but duplex (cheers) 
— that it was in fact duality in unity — it was that which now 
we never see, except in plants, and some of the lower species 
of the animal kingdom — hermaphroditical perfection (cheers). 
Nay, there is ground to believe, that the original of us all, 
in the simious shape, was such a perfect dual unity : and 
although now undoubtedly in our human development, pre- 



THE women's society. 185 



ponderance is given to one or other of its antecedent acci- 
dents, we know with precision that it is a matter of the 
merest chance, and I may add of the most indifferent mo- 
ment, whether of these two possible accidents shall be in the 
ascendant. I say ' accident,' because science has now in- 
formed us, that the difference between what are called the 
sexes is not matter of substance (cheers), it is purely mat- 
ter of form. How illogical, then, is it that mankind should 
for ages have drawn and observed distinctions neither justi- 
fied nor intended in the primary Ideal ! Our great natural- 
ist has by his researches in the physical world proved this 
fact— and no doubt had the French philosopher, whose ideas 
are destined to regenerate mankind and transform the aspect 
of society (cheers), only had the advantage of the more re- 
cent scientific discoveries, his views on the position of women 
would have been seriously modified. Surely the positivism 
of Comte milst lead us to the same conclusion with the doc- 
trine of Darwin. Man is everywhere man. In the eye of a 
divine philosophy, of a correct science, man and woman are 
unknown— all is man (cheers.) This is the truth so impor- 
tant in its bearing upon social relations and social conditions, 
that, no doubt with convincing logic and brilliant rhetoric, the 
fair essayist (murmurs)— I beg pardon, the learned secretary 
(cheers)— will develop for us this evening from her study of 
Comte. I beg to call on Lady Sophronia Enequil to read 
her paper." 

With this masterly speech I must pray the reader to be 
satisfied. I should much prefer not reporting all that the 



l86 LORD BANTAM. 

honorary secretary said, for she pursued the lines she had in- 
dicated to the Chairman with a frankness as embarrassing to 
report as it was startHng to hear. The great Comte would 
himself, though a Frenchman, have gone mad on the spot 
had he listened to half the extraordinary things said in his 
name. 

When the applause that succeeded to the reading of the 
essay had subsided, Mrs. Fullalove, a lady with a far from 
unpleasing tendency to the masculine both in her frame 
and mode of thought, made a clever speech. She pointed 
out how unjustly woman was treated under the existing 
"masculine regime." She declared that the selfishness and 
jealousy of mankind shut out her sex from fields of occupa- 
tion in which they would shine with surpassing splendor. 
She declared that deficiencies of education alone prevented 
woman from taking her stand side by side with her *' male 
correlative " in science, in philosophy, in politics and medi- 
cine. She instanced the term "Husband" or '■'■House- 
bond" as indicative of the fact that in an earlier and more 
natural age — of course she rejected the foolish and fabulous 
history called Scripture — the family father was not looked 
upon as the dictator, but "as the " nexus of the coequal ele- 
ments of the family." " Now," she added, " to modern 
wives, this tie ought to be designated house-bondage — the 
nexus has become a knout, etc." Mrs. Fullalove always de- 
serves to be commended for the moderation of her remarks. 

Mr. Chatters, in his anxiety to unsex himself, went much 
farther. He declared the anomalies of sexual relations to 



THE women's society. 187 

be due to the unnatural superstitions that obtained in society 
on the subject of marriage. He asserted that large families 
tended to the degradation of woman, since they involved on 
her part the sacrifice of freedom and placed her in a posi- 
tion of which men could take advantage to keep her in 
subjection. He said that the French had, with the quick 
apprehension and philosophic acumen peculiar to that 
nation, detected this circumstance, and had been gradually, 
by their admirable system, reducing marriage to its proper 
status. He said other things, at which not a few ladies con- 
cealed their faces. 

Would you believe it ? No sooner . had the delicate 
subject last alluded to been thus broached by this brazen 
and shallow prattler, than a number of females seized upon 
it with avidity. Even the noble Chairman began to find it 
uncomfortable, and he occasionally called the most re- 
fractory to order, but quite enough escaped to testify that 
the institute had become a very advanced school indeed. 
When a woman once oversteps the bounds of prudery, 
unless, as is sometimes the case, she is an Angel with a 
special mission from heaven, there is no telling what range 
she will take, and society may be forgiven if it looks with 
concern upon a movement which seems to incur even a 
chance that such assemblies or such ideas should become 
familiar to the wives and daughters of England. 



* 



l88 LORD BANTAM, 



III. — The Eclectic Religion. 

*' Mamma," said Lord Bantam, not many mornings after 
the incident related in the previous chapter, " I was very 
much interested in Lady Sophronia the other evening. She 
is somewhat transcendental for a Positivist, but her mind is 
powerful and her eloquence somewhat remarkable." 

" Very," said the wary Countess, feeling her way ; " but 
did you not notice a strange want of feeling — of delicacy — 
or rather, I should say, of sensibility ? " 

" On the contrary," replied Bantam, slightly coloring; "I 
gathered, of course only from a very sli[^ht notice, that her 
strength of intellect is very much invigorated by passion. 
You could see she is quite an enthusiast — but she tempers 
it admirably." 

"I hope," said the Countess, in some alarm, "she has 
touched no chord in you but that of admiration. She strikes 
me as the reverse of temperate ; and her enthusiasm, as you 
term it, seems to me to be extravagance. She is not fitted 
for society — she openly disavows it. I never saw her at a 
ball in my life. Besides, compared with your own, her po- 
sition is a very indifferent one." 

"Oh!" said the provoking young man, "my dear 
mamma, a woman is always expecting a love affair. I 
should be afraid to give my affections to this young lady — 
die is infinitely above them. She should marry a philoso- 
pher." 



THE ECLECTIC RELIGION, 



"I sincerely hope she may," rejoined her ladyship. 
" She is certainly unfit for any ordinary being." 

'* Nevertheless I should think her society is worth culti- 
vating. I suppose," said he, in ar insinuating tone, " she 
would come to a dinner party, would she not ? " 

The Countess with bad grace admitted that Sophronia did 
patronize dinner parties, and politically promised to invite 
her to her next literary symposium. 

Among the guests invited at the same time were the 
Bishop of Dunshire, Lady Singleton, and Miss Wycherley, 
and Mr. Kelso, now rising into position as a historical 
writer of remarkable originality and power. Kelso had been 
watching his pupil's course with some anxiety, the more that 
the latter had not of late honored him with his confidence. 
The tutor somewhat reproached himself with having too 
frankly expressed to the young man the results of his ex- 
tensive acquisitions and careful thought before a sufficient 
groundwork of knowledge had been laid to sustain the 
weight. Nothing could have been farther from his inten- 
tions than to create an incredulous Positivist Chartist 
Socialist infidel out of his young charge. He saw too late 
that all this came of one single error. In defiance of the 
Pauline maxim, strong meat had been given to a babe. 

The young Lord had the pleasure of sitting between the 
Hon. Miss Wycherley, whom he escorted to dinner, and 
Lady Sophronia . The young ladies were very friendly, 
though so strangely different. Miss Wycherley bantered 
her "learned friend" for deserting the "awfully jolly 



190 LORD BANTAM 



parties " that were going on, and asked her the title of hei 
last article in the " Coliseum." 

She replied that she was then engaged on one upon the 
" Eclectic Religion." 

The answer caused the Bishop to prick up his ears, and 
the Earl intervened. 

"So, Lady Sophronia, you are going to discuss the new 
heresy? It is a tremendously wide one — seeing that it 
stretches over so many centuries, ages, and varieties of 
thought." 

" The latest folly," said the Bishop, " alleged to be based 
on scientific certainties, and yet its elementary generaliza- 
tions are incorrect. A religion which ignores faith as an 
element of religion is a patent confutation of itself." 

" That," said Lady Sophronia, " is an awkward way of 
putting it, no doubt ; but what is religion and what is faith ? 
Is not the latter mere sentiment, unworthy of scientific 
observation — and is not religion a practical recognition of 
scientific facts in their relation to the Divine ? " 

The Bishop and Kelso both contended that this definition 
was vague and unsatisfactory. 

" But," inquired Lord Bantam, to whom this subject was 
a fresh one, "may I ask. What is the Eclectic Religion?" 

"The Eclectic Religion," replied the Bishop, "is the 
negativing of every fact and principle on which faith in God 
and Christ and the Church rests. It is the ignoring of the 
Divine." 

"The Eclectic religion," said Lady Sophronia, "is the 



THE ECLECTIC RELIGION. I9I 

sum and substance of the true in all religions. It is the 
new light breaking in upon old night. It is the destruction 
of idols — of superstitions — of bigots. It is formulating 
human experience into a divine theory. It is the grand 
truth that man and man only, from age to age expanding in 
wisdom and power, is the true divinity." 

Bantam was enchanted. The Countess was horrified. 

"The Eclectic Religion," interposed Kelso gravely, "is 
an attempt to organize human ignorance into a system." 

Lady Sophronia looked at the speaker, but changed the 
conversation. 

When the company had gone, the Earl said maliciously to 
his son, who was retiring to his lodgings : 

" I wish to give you a piece of advice. Never marry a 
woman with a long nose. Possibly she may love you, but 
as you are a man, she will rule you, or you will have cause 
to rue her." 

When the young Lord returned to his rooms, he some- 
what abstractedly permitted his valet to perform his usual 
offices, and having been wrapped in his camlet dressing- 
gown, dismissed him. 

He felt himself to be under an influence equally novel 
and provoking. His fiery hair seemed in flames. His ears 
still tingled with his father's words. For some reason they 
had pained him. He asked himself W/iy? The answer 
came before him in a vision of Lady Sophronia's face, with 
its majesty, its intellectual power, its flashing liveliness — and 



192 LORD BANTAM, 



its dominating nose. Through his mind passed and repassed 
the words, '■'■Never marry a woman with a long nose. She 
will rule you, or you will have cause to rue her" 

He said, " I couldn't think of marrying such a woman. 
My father's caution is a very wise one. The Duke of Well- 
ington was a tyrant Moreover, long 

noses are deformities. And they descend in families . . . 
I^ady Sophronia's nose is not so very long, though .... 
This Eclectic Religion is a very interesting subject. I 
was struck by her comprehensive grasp of it. I should 
like to call upon her to-morrow and talk about it ... . 
I must really get the Earl to define the length of nose at 
which danger begins, and to construct a diagram of de- 
grees — " 

The youthful legislator retired to bed, but not to sleep. 
The still voices of the night seemed to whisper the name 
Sophronia. Ends, peaks, promontories, curves of noses, 
projected from cornices, beyond posts and through curtains. 
When at length he fell into a troubled doze, the Earl ap- 
peared before him, holding in one hand a Sheffield razor, 
and in the other — oh, horror ! whereat he awoke — between 
thumb and finger, the Lady Sophronia's nose. 

* * 
* 

IV. — Eclecticism in Raptures. 

The ardent hair and temperament of our hero strangely 
affected his action at this critical period. A day and a night 



ECLECTICISM IN RAPTURES. 1 93 

of inflammatory thought succeeded the evening of his first 
social introduction to Lady Sophronia. He was no adept at 
gallantry, and he instinctively shrank from confessing to the 
Countess a, penc/ianf which to her would seem so absurd — 
or to the Earl a passion involving such a breach of his nasal 
theory. The singularly retired habits of the young lord put 
it out of the question that he should have a friend capable 
for such an emergency. The heir of a regal estate was 
thrown back upon himself 

It will have been gathered that our hero was singularly 
matter-of-fact. No sooner had he ascertained by a correct 
analysis of his feelings that he was a subject of that emotion 
termed love, than he resolved that true philosophy dictated 
the conveyance of the information in the shortest possible 
time and by the directest method to the object of it. He 
determined to visit the Lady Sophronia at her father's house, 
in South Dawdley Street, and arrived upon the doorstep at 
the unseasonable hour of ten in the morning. 

The young lady's peculiarities were fostered or at least en- 
dured by her parents. She was accordingly allowed privi- 
leges not usually afforded to unmarried virgins in society. 
The numerous "movements" in which she was interested 
required that she should be approachable by a curious va- 
riety of people, so a butler's room at the side of the hall, 
about eight feet square, was withdrawn from menial occupa- 
tion and dedicated to her morning receptions and social la- 
bors. Here, with a few books, many papers, a Davenport, 
an easy-chair, a stool, and a small ottoman, she might be 
9 



194 LORD BANTAM 



found from ten to one every morning, habited in a short vel- 
veteen petticoat, a cloth jacket, apparently cut on the plan 
of a gentleman's dress-coat, and very plain collar and cuifs. 

When the footman at South Dawdley Street first opened 
the door to our hero on the steps, with his red hair and 
indifferent stature, he clearly mistook him ; for he said, 

" If you were come to cut her ladyship's corns, she will 
see you in her boudwoir, if you please." 

The youth's philosophy was extremely tested by this 
seeming reference to the fallibility of Sophronia's earthly 
footing, but he had his revenge on the flunkey. That person's 
confusion was complete when he received the card of the 
heir to the wealthiest of British earldoms, and " umbly beg- 
ging his lordship's pardon," and explaining that a "chir-rop- 
pody gentleman " was every moment expected to wait upon 
his young mistress, he led the way to the morning drawing- 
room. 

"I beg pardon, my lord; was it the Marchioness or my 
young lady, my lord?" 

" Oh ! Lady Sophronia, if she is at home and disengaged." 

When the lackey delivered the card to the young lady and 
suggestively informed her that Lord Bantam was in the 
drawing-room, she colored faintly, and after a moment's hesi- 
tation ordered the footman to show the visitor into her room 
— an order that for the three-hundredth time confirmed that 
astounded individual of her madness. The struggle in her 
mind had been between her early education and her new 
principles. The former would have dictated mamma and 



ECLECTICISM IN RAPTURES. 1 95 

the di'awing-room ; the latter, her independent self and her 
boudoir. 

With her heightened color, when he found himself sitting 
within the narrow walls of her sanctum. Lord Bantam 
thought Sophronia absolutely handsome ; and so she was. 
She said — 

" I have been so amused this morning in recalling the 
conversation of last night. I think Mr. Kelso's definition of 
the Eclectic Religion was so clever and yet so unjust." 

" I have come " said Bantam, passing his hands through 
his tawny locks, " to sit as a disciple at the feet of so fair a 
prophetess." 

" No compliments, I pray you. Lord Bantam : I detest 
them." 

" I sincerely ask your forgiveness. I very much want to 
hear more of this new religion, and to hear of it from yot/," 
said our hero, getting up, leaning his elbow on the high win- 
dow-sill, and looking Sophronia straight in the face. He 
was distant from her about two feet, and glanced down upon 
her — the light falling over her brown hair, shining into her 
clear eyes, and glorifying her majestic nose. 

"How shall I begin?" she said quite unaffectedly; "for 
I am unaware how much you know, and what foundation 
you may have in the principles on which Eclecticism rests. 
Have you any acquaintance with the maxims of Con- 
fucius ; or the Bhagavad-Gita ; or the four Vedas of the Rig, 
Yajust, Saman and Atharvan ; or the Zendavesta of Zoroaster, 
or Emerson's Essays? I know you are intimate with the 



196 LORD BANTAM, 



philosophy of Comte. In these we find the propositions on 
which have been raised the superstructure of eclectic truth." 

"No," said Bantam; "I have seen none of these. I 
wish I could study them under your guidance." 

He looked at her again, very hard. 

" Oh ! " cried she, laughing, " I am but a poor scholar — I 
should make a worse teacher. But I can tell you the sub- 
stance of the views which Eclectics hold. We begin by 
eliminating from our apprehensions the idea of the Divine. 
This idea, as an objective and distinct reality, we negative. 
We insist that as it must have originated with ourselves, it is 
in ourselves; and that to seek for the extravagant concep- 
tions of the impersonate Divine entertained by religious and 
Bible enthusiasts, is to seek for the theoretic eidolon of per- 
verted fancy." 

" There is no difficulty," sighed the infatuated Bantam, 
" in accepting the doctrine that the divine is in you. But I 
fear that that divinity is likely to be to many enthusiasts a 
real eidolon — an object of worship." 

The young lady arose. She did not seem angry, but 
moved. She looked anxiously at the face now on a level 
with her own and so close to it. Her cheek was glowing ; 
her lips, slightly apart, showed the fine pearls within ; and 
her bosom heaved with singular and unphilosophic emotion. 
Lord Bantam was equally enfevered. He said : 

" Sophronia — philosophy knows no title and is fettered 
by no ceremonies, — I love you. You are my divinity. I 
accept your new gospel : I beseech you, be my teacher " 



BY CIVIL CONTRACT. I97 

Sophronia hastily put her hand on his Hps ; it was glowing 
with heat. 

" Eclecticism," she said, "is modest, and claims no praise. 
If, Albert, you are sincere in desiring me to tread with you 
the crystalline ladder to the highest wisdom, my soul is yours 
and yours is mine." 

Lord Bantam in a moment clasped with his arm the waist 
of his enthusiastic companion, and in embracing Sophronia 
embraced the Eclectic religion. 



v.— By Civil Contract. 

The infamous chiropodist interrupted the raptures of the 
young philosophers, and restored them once more to common 
life and common sense. With such rapidity had they passed 
from sentiment to avowal, that they awoke somewhat awk- 
wardly to what was before them. They parted with a prom- 
ise to meet on the morrow. 

The next morning at ten Lord Bantam again stood on the 
door-step in South Dawdley Street. Lord and Lady Chep- 
stowe were happily late risers, and two clear hours were 
before the lovers. The lackey this time ushered his lord- 
ship at once into the literary closet of his young mistress, 
who received her disciple-lover with joyous fervor. 

Their conference resulted in a determination to acquaint 
their parents at once with what had happened. 

"We must," said Sophronia, "however unwillingly, pay 



198 LORD BANTAM, 



some regard to, the prejudices of the world. To us this tie 
needs no further confirmation, either legal or parental. 
True souls are interwoven by transcendental bonds," 

" Yes, my Sophronia," rejoined Bantam, rather passion- 
ately for a novice in amours, "the 'divine exolution' of 
divine souls intertwining, surely this is of itself the bond, the 
aesthetic cohesion, the real and glorious marriage, of a divine 
philosophy." 

Thereupon they kissed each other very warmly for those 
who would seem to be content with " divine exolution " and 
an aesthetic cohesion. 

Sophronia, however, raised a difficulty. 

" My Albert," said the languishing sophist, " we must 
needs marry as becomes disciples of the Eclectic religion. 
By that, ceremonies are regarded as superstitious — marriage 
is but an accident of sense — therefore we cannot consent to 
be united by those degrading and sensual ceremonies which 
the Fetishist religions affect." 

'' No," said her lover, " we must not bend our necks to 
the yoke of forms. Marriage is with us but a spiritual bond 
— yet it is desirable for social purposes to embody it in a 
contract. Let us be married by the registrar." 

"We will," she replied, "without pomp or ceremony. 
Let it be at once. Let us delay no longer." 

Lord Bantam luckily bethought him that, though it was 
only eleven o'clock, instantaneous marriages were by the law 
of England impracticable, and they curbed their impatience. 
Bantam departed to the difficult task of apprising his parents 



BY CIVIL CONTRACT. I99 

of the event. Lady Sophronia's part was easy. Her com- 
munication was naturally received with the greatest satisfac- 
tion. She had out of season made the happiest hit in the 
season. 

The young lord first disclosed his position to the Earl, 
who received the announcement with cold disdain. 

" So you, with the finest prospects in England, have selec- 
ted for your wife a blue-stocking, a visionary, an atheist. I 
wish you joy, sir. I cannot affect your fortune," added the 
old peer in a tone that denoted what he might have done 
had he been able ; " but I shall not be in the least surprised 
if after all this step should cure you of your absurd and 
impulsive extremism, and ultimately convert you into a rank 
Fogy. As you have made your choice and are self-willed 
enough to insist upon it, your mother and I will keep our 
opinion to ourselves. We must behave to Lord and Lady 
Chepstowe and the young lady with the cordiality proper to 
their position and ours. We shall treat the affair as if it 
were the most acceptable match in the world." 

This high-bred resolution affected Lord Bantam consider- 
ably. But he had something still more unpalatable to com- 
municate. 

*' My dear father, " he said with tears in his eyes, '' I am 
overcome by your goodness. I cannot express my gratitude. 
The affair, as you term it, need create no unpleasantness. 
It will be very private. I have adopted with Sophronia the 
Eclectic religion. It is of course inconsistent with the pure 
spiritual principles of that philosophy to submit to any reli- 



LORD BANTAM, 



gious or quasi-religious ceremony. But we must enter into 
a legal contract — — " 

"O ! you yield as much as that?" said the Earl, with a 
malicious smile. " I wonder your * philosophy ' would admit 
of anything so commonplace. Then you wish to be married 
before the registrar ? " 

" We do." 

" Then you had better be off and get it done when you 
like, without further preHminary. Neither your mother nor 
myself can be consenting parties to such a godless business. 
We had better know nothing about it. Here is a cheque 
for a thousand pounds ; and if there is to be any settlement 
-—perhaps you will do without that, eh ? — go to my solicitor. 
Pray acquaint us of your marriage when it is consummated." 

The Countess received the announcement less calmly than 
the Earl, but her resentment was not so deep. She fell in 
with her husband's policy, and even went beyond it. Lord 
and Lady Chepstowe had no reason to believe that the 
union was other than welcome to the noble pair. 

The wedding was never believed in by the servants of 
either family. Lord Bantam drove up to the bride's house 
in a single brougham. The bride, arrayed in a travelling 
costume, bade her parents an affectionate adieu, and entered 
the carriage. They did not reappear in London for several 
months. The only evidence the world had of their marriage 
was the announcement in the newspapers. As for the 
gossip — imagine it ! 



AN ECLECTIC SYMPOSIUM. 20I 



VI, — An Eclectic Symposium. 

On their return to the metropolis after an extended Con- 
tinental tour, Lord and Lady Bantam took a house in Bel- 
gravia, where they devoted themselves to politics, literature, 
social science, and the Eclectic religion. We may hereafter 
have occasion to review some incidents of the young lord's 
political life ; meanwhile I propose to follow some of his ex- 
hibitions in other arenas. Lady Bantam developed into a 
notorious agitator. She spoke in various parts of the coun- 
try against the iniquitous bill for suppressing outrageous dis- 
tempers by police outrage. She supported her husband in 
his philosophico-radical rabies against the large families of 
the Ginxes of society, and emphatically the French system. 
She lectured on the "prerogatives" of women, whom she 
affirmed to have lived under an injustice of so lengthy a period 
as six thousand years. In fact, the newspapers had enough to 
do to chronicle and write articles upon Lady Bantam's versa- 
tile activities. 

The Eclectic religion had lately begun to look up in the 
world. Originally confined to a select and self-elected com- 
mittee for the universe on behalf of truth, it had begun 'to 
extend its propagandism. Several philosophers, a number 
of men of science and letters, some deposed clergymen, and 
a few hard-headed persons of no particular employment, had 
formed an association of Eclectic evangelists. They held 
meetings in various parts of the metropolis. These were 
9* 



LORD BANTAM. 



called ecdesicB. It was said the worship was positive ; but 
it would have been more correct to call it negative, since all 
the elements of worship were wanting. One cannot more 
graphically illustrate the character of these synagogues than 
by describing the great annual meeting of the sect at its cen- 
tral station, the Aryan Hall, where its Sunday worship was 
wont to be held. This meeting was declared by its promot- 
ers to be of a religious character. 

No expense was spared to give ^clat to this act of wor- 
ship. The large'hall had been cleared of its seats. In their 
proper balcony was stationed a fine brass band. At one end 
of the room various scientific curiosities were exhibited ; 
amongst them a statue of Purity. At the other a collection 
of ancient manuscripts and some specimens of the Hindu 
Shasters attracted the attention of the curious, over which 
was a bust of Liberty. Round the walls were hung pictures 
of the " great of all ages." Among these were Socrates, 
Plato, Homer, Caesar, Virgil, Lucretius, Dante, Comte, 
Descartes, Mahomet, Darwin, and Hepworth Dixon. Rings 
of immortelles hung below the frames, and white cloth amply 
festooned around the room gave it the aspect of a huge hearse 
for an infant's funeral. Each guest was at the door presented 
with a laurel-wreath — emblem of his immortal humanity. 
When the rooms b^gan to fill up, the eft'ect of this distribu- 
tion of green rings was peculiar. Lady Sophronia had 
dressed herself in the character of Sybil, that is to say, she 
had framed a costume suggestive of that mythic and natural 
time. Others appeared in various philosophic costumes. 



AN ECLECTIC SYMPOSIUM. 203 

The Eclectics, however, carried out their principles in their 
dress : it varied with the tastes of the wearers. 

The " Grand Eclectic Symposium " was intended to be the 
latest and most perfect manifestation of enlightened human- 
ity. It was, in the language of the school, " to be the highest 
evolution of the spiritual element, the jjhysical basis, posi- 
tive science, aesthetic art, the literary sublime ; and finally, 
the utmost refinement of amusement to the purposes of re- 
ligion. The Programme was unique. 



* 



204 LORD BANTAM, 



GRAND ECLECTIC SYMPOSIUM AND ESTHETIC 
SOIREE. 



PROGRAMME. 

©ptning Cljorus. 
The Universal Prayer . Pope . Music by an Amateur. 

§ibbrtss bg llje D^oblc iljc fircsibcnt. 
On the Invalidity of the Arguments in favor of Objective Divinity. 

^uabrillt. 
Orphee aux enfers . . Arranged by Mr. Balshazzar. 

fidurt. 
TheHippocampusMinoranditsrela.) 3 p ^ p ^^^ 

tion to the Mosaic Cosmogony . . ) ■' ' 

Song. 
" Foot it featly hear and there " . . By Mrs. De Terinny. 

mint. 

Mephistophilienne . . Fatist. 
^birrtss. 
The Idolism of Tradition, or the Irra- ) By Prof. Macmanus, 
tional in Sexual Probabilities . . ) F.R.S., F.G.S., F.L.S. 

loIliH. 

Der Freyschiitz . . . Arranged by VoN Teufel. 

A LUCID INTERVAL. 

§ltfrcsljirant. 
Menu. 



Huitres a Voltaire. 

Saumon d la Tartare. 

Petites 6crevisses revers6es. 

Lentiles Pythagoriennes. 

Choux positifs. 

Dindon fanfaronn6. 

Poulets froids a I'^cole de philosophe. 



Filets des enfans humains, au selec- 
tion naturel. 
Rosbif protoplastique. 
Ogiions brul6s 6clectiques. 
Compotes de Corinthe. 
Souffles idealogiques. 
PatiSs de foie gras. 



gibbrcss. 
Protoplastic Chaos: or the Antecedents of ) -r. t j -d.^- 
Life and Order f By Lady Bantam. 

(Salop. 
"John Brown's soul marching on "... By Disderj. 

^mrttian (KjJilogut. 
God and Gammon . . By the Rev. Infelix Noisy, B.A. 

J^inalr. 
Benedictus Sonnet . . By a Distinguished American. 



AN ECLECTIC SYMPOSIUM. 205 

This sonnet contained the following lines : 

" Not seen, unfelt, and yet how felt and seen ! 
O thou unpractical, impenetrable What ! 
We cast with lightened hearts our dubious lot 

In the dread urn — the elemental bean ! 

" Great All, great Every, highest of Sublime ; 
Inverted, introverted, controverted One, 
Nature's panergon-hyper-static Sun ! 

All hail in this our Syncretistic rhyme ! " 

As Lord and Lady Bantam were circulating affably 
amongst the mixed crowd after one of the dances, they en- 
countered three gentlemen, two of whom he immediately 
recognized. They were Kelso and Dr. Dulcis the preacher 
of Woodbury. The third, a grizzly man of enormous head, 
was presented by Kelso, and turned out to be the greatest 
prophet of the times — the English Jeremiah. Bantam re- 
ceived Dr. Dulcis with great cordiality, and learned for the 
first time that he had come to reside in the metropolis. The 
engaging divine won Sophronia's good-will at once. In a 
few minutes she was walking about the room leaning on his 
arm. 

" I have heard of you, Dr. Dulcis," she said, " as one of 
the most liberal of sectarians. I, however, hardly venture to 
hope that you are here to-night as a witness of your adhesion 
to our faith ? " 

" Scarcely," said the other, smiling. " I am here to ob- 
serve what the worship of this new religion is. I think no 
phase of human thought or devotion unworthy of study in 
the calmest and most liberal spirit." 



2o6 LORD BANTAM. 



" There is a touch of Eclecticism in that sentiment," said 
Sophronia. " May I ask what you have gathered this even- 
ing ? " 

"I should scarcely like upon so brief an examination," 
said the polished doctor, " to venture an opinion. I cannot 
judge how many of these people about us are in earnest. I 
cannot ascertain as yet what, if so, they are in earnest about. 
It is possibly the narrowness of my education — but I find 
it impossible to conceive of worship without a Deity." 

" Ah ! " cried Sophronia, " my dear doctor, that is one of 
the fatal fallacies of all human superstition." 

It will be admitted that the Christian Doctor was more 
courteous than the Eclectic lady. However, they did not 
fall out. 

Meanwhile Lord Bantam, Kelso, and the Prophet had 
been comparing notes. From the latter his lordship re- 
ceived scant courtesy. He had rather flippantly asked the 
old Philosopher, "What he thought of this?" 

"That's nothing," said the Prophet; "the question is, 
W7iat must the Great Almighty God of Israel think of this ? 
This to be the Rehgion of the Future ! ! Idols of fancy 
hewn out of the great living rocks and stones which He hath 
made and scattered over the wide Earth to show His Power ! 
A ' new religion,' quotha ! * Eclectic Church ? ' Something 
beyond Abraham's God — Israel's hope and helper — David's 
strength — Isaiah's Anointed One ! Yea, Christ Himself 
left in the background of the Ages by a boy lord, half a 
dozen tradesmen, three or four clever professors, and some 



AN ECLECTIC SYMPOSIUM. 207 

dozens of women of masculine assumptions — God save us ! 
How He must laugh ! He that sitteth in the Heavens ; how 
His sad, terrific cachinnation must ring and reecho through 
the Eternal welkin as He watches the Punchinello fantas- 
tics of His little creatures here below ! " 



* * 
* 



PART VII. 

HOW HE COQUETTED WITH THE PROLETARIAT. 
I. — Reductio ad absurd um of philosophic theories. 

We are here compelled, in four or five seconds, to pass 
over a period of as many years in the history of our hero 
and his Eclectic spouse. The young lord had during that 
time, under circumstances to be presently explained, con- 
tinued to represent Ffowlsmere. Sophronia had recorded 
several instances of apostasy from her faith in the French 
system. Indeed, both the young people had somewhat 
changed during these critical years. 

As Sophronia began to be surrounded with little Bantams 
— when she had to face the realities of nature, and her true 
woman's heart came to find healthy play and outlet in the 
noblest affections — when she had first a son and heir — then 
twins — then another son — then twins again, she began to 
suspect that humanity could not be entirely regulated by 
utilitarian philosophy and the Eclectic religion. These little 
ones called for some more definite, practical, human, ay and 
divine ethics than those of her Academy. Every one will 
say, that family cares had weakened her understanding — but 
no one could have denied that they had softened her heart. 
We cannot trace the progress of this change. It may partly 
have contributed to it that, so strongly had the charm of Dr. 
Dulcis attracted her to him, she took pains to cultivate his 



THE CREED OF PARTY. 209 

acquaintance. This brought her into association with Mrs. 
Dulcis, a woman of rare refinement, of a gentle nature which 
had been inspired and spiritualized by the daily influence of 
her husband. The friendship springing froni this acquaint 
ance was deep and lasting. Scarcely a week passed without 
some intercourse between the minister's house at Bellows- 
bury Square and the aristocratic home in Belgravia. 
Sophronia often of a Sunday drove to the chapel of the dis- 
senting preacher. In fact she deserted the philosophers in 
the basest manner, and abjured the French system as a 
practical absurdity. Exuberant maternity had antidoted 
theoretic philosophy. Lord Bantam, being a man, was less 
affected by the changes and friendships of life ; but he enter- 
tained for Dr. Dulcis a sincere regard, and viewed his wife's 
declinations with exemplary resignation. 

* * 
* 

II. — The creed of party. 

The defeat of the Polkinghorne Ministry which had taken 
place a few weeks after our hero's election, led to a dissolu- 
tion, followed by the formation of a Fogy Ministry. During 
the intervening month, the outbreak of a rebellion in the 
only rebellious part of the Sovereign's dominions, demanding 
great and immediate effort, and threatening incidentally to 
involve the country in a war with one of the most powerful 
of friendly states, had withdrawn the attention of the people 
from political questions, so that redistribution was suffered to 



2IO LORD BANTAM, 



remain an unsolved problem. Social questions had again 
come to the front ; the more since the pressure of the heavy- 
taxation required for the expenses of military argument with 
the islanders had roused every one to an appreciation of the 
value of the economy and the necessity of a better organiza- 
tion of Government, local and Imperial. Some of the do- 
minions appended to the Empire were exhibiting symptoms 
of dissatisfaction with the nature of their relations — relations 
which were undefined, casual, variable, and dependent on 
the incongruous policy of the Ministers who chanced from 
time to time to supervise their affairs. Still the Fogy Cab- 
inet held its own under the experienced navigation of Mr. 
Sardonius. It was generally admitted that Mr. Polking- 
horne could never form another Ministry, and the leadership 
of the Popular party was assumed, in virtue of his splendid 
abilities, by Sir Dudley Wrightman. I need not say that 
he and the party felt peculiarly and honestly irritated at 
their prolonged absence from office. 

The Session of i8 — was opened by a speech from the 
Throne. It adverted to the happy termination of hostilities 
in the adjacent island. It spoke of the aspirations of the 
people for various reforms in Government organization. It 
set forth a programme of useful measures ; e.g., for the rigid 
inspection of various places where dangerous works were 
carried on : for securing health and cleanliness in great 
cities : for improving the condition of the agricultural la- 
borer : and for a complete reorganization of the navy. Mr. 
Sardonius was a minister whose genius was admired without 



THE CREED OF PARTY, 



dissent. Amongst his colleagues, though there were no other 
geniuses, there were several admirable men of business ; and 
with the generous assistance of his rival, there was no shadow 
of question that he might, during a peaceful Session, have 
passed several measures of immediate and lasting utility. 

But the Populars being out of office, like Fogies in the 
same predicament, as if they were the high-priests of politics, 
professed to believe that no other legislation could be 
beneficent than that sanctified by passage through their 
hands. They loudly exclaimed that the country could not 
safely trust to the Fogies the conduct of such measures. 
Yet they could hardly without stultifying themselves chal- 
lenge their opponents upon them, since they acknowledged 
them to be good ones. 

Sir Dudley Wrightman and his friends were at their wits' 
end. He watched the movement of his subtle rival with 
cat-like vigilance. For many sleepless nights he sat, hat 
over brow, wearily listening to debates, every now and then 
himself rising and launching a Philippic at his smiling antag- 
onist. He challenged him to a division on his foreign 
policy, but as the foreign minister had done nothing, was 
beaten. He pursued all the courses habitual to vindictive 
party jealousy on whatever side of the House. But it was 
clear that public enthusiasm had not yet been evoked, and 
the skill of the leader of the Opposition, backed by all his 
satellites, had failed to discover any point on which that en- 
thusiasm could be galvanized into action. 

Lord Bantam, being in Opposition, worked with his 



LORD BANTAM. 



party. He had on several occasions rendered distinguished 
service by his shrewd, direct, hard-hitting eloquence. On 
one occasion he brought forward a motion which received 
some support from the other side, in favor of assistance to 
British emigrants ; and so great was the temptation to the 
Popular leaders to take advantage of the conjunction, they 
were nearly committing themselves to a policy that was ab- 
horrent to them. The main constituents of the Popular 
party were Prig Landholders and Employers of labor, to 
whom State aid in any form was the crudest of absurdities 
and the direst of chimeras. Yet I expect they would have 
objected to the resolution of society into its original atoms. 
It was at this time that Lord Bantam became acquainted 
with a gentleman who was a member for a Scotch borough. 
His name was Peregrine. With a very indifferent, position 
in the House, he was nevertheless an inveterate busybody. 
He had the usual Scotch confidence in himself. It was his 
conviction that he had repeatedly saved his party, and he 
earnestly impressed upon its members the virtue of political 
gratitude. If a vacancy happened in any office when a 
Popular government was in power, Mr. Peregrine began to 
frequent the Radical Club, and to show himself in conversa- 
tion with lounging leaders or ministers. His invariable 
disappointment never affected his spirits. He had a faith 
superior to moving mountains — it was a faith that did not 
believe in their existence. Taking it into his head that 
Bantam was making a position in the parly, he took an 
opportunity to accost him in the lobby. 



THE CREED OF PARTY. 213 

" Lord Bantam," said he, " this seems very hopeless work 
for us." 

" I beg your pardon," said Bantam ; " what does ? " 

" The way the party is going on. No question on which 
we can challenge Sardonius, and not a ghost of a cry to 
raise the people." 

"Well," said Bantam, "we cannot help that. I am 
rather inclined to think we ought to rest on our oars a while. 
Why should we want to get in ? Radicals have nothing to 
give. The Prigs will use their shoulders to stand on until 
they have won a footing higher up ; but it is impossible to 
construct a Radical Ministry ; and as the Government are 
passing some harmless and useful measures, why should we 
interfere with them ? " 

"Oh!" repHed the other, "you must not look at it in 
that way. What's to become of the party ? " 

" The party may go to the d — 1, if it pleases," answered 
the disloyal young gentleman ; " that is of little conse- 
quence. Why need we care if good is being done, and 
Popular principles are meantime making way ? I have no 
faith in party, except as the representation of principle." 

Mr. Peregrine stuck his eyeglass into his eye, and examined 
the new fresco over the arch in the hall where they were 
standing. It was a great angel clothed in white, with a 
sword in his hand. To his practical Scotch intelligence 
this " deliverance " was puzzling. Said he, 

"I don't see the use of party at all, unless it is either in 
office or fighting for it." 



214 LORD BANTAM. 

And after this concise statement of the poUtical creed of 
nine men out of ten in a great legislature, Mr. Peregrine 
gave up our hero as a moonshiny fop. 



III. — Parliamentary conscience. 

Mr. Peregrine's object in addressing himself to Lord 
Bantam had not been disclosed. The fact was, that he had 
conceived a very clever plan for disconcerting the Fogy 
Ministry. If there was any question on which a Fogy Min- 
istry was sure to stand firm — on which the most astute of 
leaders could not hope to dazzle them into metamorphose — 
it was the status of the Church. Now Mr. Peregrine had 
worked out a combination in his clever brain which he 
thought strong enough to strike at and overcome that cardi- 
nal point of the enemy's works. He took it that the pillar 
of the Church was the Episcopate. Just at that time a very 
serious movement against the Episcopate Lad arisen in the 
Church itself. Several of the Bishops had assumed an atti- 
tude intolerable to many of their clergy and laymen. Dis- 
cussions had taken place upon the standing and rights of 
the hierarchy. The papers were filled wit-h details of their 
enormous salaries, and criticism on their general assump- 
tions. 

"Now," said Mr. Peregrine, "in England and Wales the 
Church and Dissenters are not quite half and half. In 
Scotland the very name of a bishop is enough to give a 



PARLIAMENTARY CONSCIENCE. 215 

stomach-ache ; and in Ireland the Roman Catholic bishops 
and priests are directly interested in the humiliation of the 
hierarchy of the English Church. Appeal to this combina- 
tion, sir, for the Reformation of the Episcopacy, and you will 
get up an excitement that must necessarily throw out any 
government that endeavors to shield it." 

Into whose ear do you suppose Mr. Peregrine was 
pouring this wily incitement ? Into those of the Right 
Honorable Sir Dudley Wrightman, the leader of the Oppo- 
sition. The only other person present was Mr. Carnifex, the 
Popular Whip, whom Mr. Peregrine had succeeded in 
talking over, and who had now presented him to his leader. 

Sir Dudley received the hint in silence, and not without 
pain. His quick mind at once grasped the ingenuity of the 
plot, but he was a Churchman — he had a sincere affection 
for the Church — and to attack it in its most venerable part 
was to him no grateful task. 

A political conscience, especially under party government, 
is a psychological study. It admits of so much casuistry — 
of such minute and delicate adjustments to counterbalance 
fixed principles — of such a number of new patent move- 
ments — of such fermentation and combustion — and yet all 
the while the owner of it may be most sincerely accrediting 
himself the honestest man in Christendom. 



* 



2l6 LORD BANTAM. 



IV. — Stirring up the Churcli. 

When the seed had been sown in the mind of the Popu- 
lar leader, it took some time to germinate. In the first 
place, as we have seen, the proposition to touch the sacred 
persons of the episcopate shocked his sensibilities, ran 
counter to his earliest and strongest opinions. Again he 
unconsciously hesitated about the feasibility of the plan. 
Hence, while on the one hand his conscience repelled the 
temptation held out to it, on the other his mind was weigh- 
ing the probabilities of success. Let no man throw a stone 
at him. Human nature, like trout, is apt to take its color 
from the bed of the stream it swims in. 

Other members of the party were consulted. Earl 
Ffowlsmere — a shrewd politician and not particularly big- 
oted Churchman — thought that they might safely embark in 
the movement ; but he pointed out that time was essential, 
and that the success of the policy might be contingent on 
the previous success of the party instead of contributing to 
it : since, in his opinion, it would be necessary as a prelimi- 
nary move to appoint a few bishops committed to the prin- 
ciple of degrading their own office. It is a pity when the 
Church becomes the strategy-ground of politicians ! 

Sir Dudley held many anxious conferences with his fol- 
lowers. He held others with bishops. He secretly sent 
for and interrogated the " representatives of the working- 
men ; " and lastly he entered into communication with the 



STIRRING UP THE CHURCH. 217 

Transmontane priesthood. The organs of the party were 
inspired to blow a soft, feehng whistle to the country. 

The Transmontane clergy are ever keenly on the alert for 
the rising and falling tides of pubhc opinion. At the -very 
first breath of anti-episcopal feeling, summoned in secret 
conclave under the acute counsel of their Cardinal head, 
they had resolved upon their plan of action. If there should 
turn out to be little life in the proposition, they were to dis- 
countenance it, since it was the point of their general policy 
to flatter the national Church, while secretly permeating it as 
far as possible with their principles and rites. But the Car- 
dinal foresaw that if the impending struggle became serious, 
the weight of his influence must decide it one way or the 
other, and he proposed to play for a high reward from which- 
ever side it was to come. One of the most important of 
important things in the eyes of this clerical party, was the 
repeal of that law of mortmain by which they were choused 
of not a few death-bed bequests. The harvest of priests is 
richest on the banks of the Styx, but they are not such 
cheap ferrymen as Charon. They therefore agreed to de- 
mand, as the price of their adhesion to either principle, the 
repeal of the obnoxious Acts ; and since they were appeal- 
ing to English freemen, and not to continental bigots and 
slaves, they agreed to base their assumption on the extraor- 
dinary ground for infallibilists and heretic-burners of civil 
and religions liberty I They drew up a pastoral. It was 
very guarded. It awakened attention without conveying 
any information. Both political parties scanned it eagerly. 



il8 LORD BANTAM 



but each was puzzled to know which way the wind was 

blowing. 

* * 
* 

V. — Transmontane Plots. 

The private secretary of Mr. Sardonius was a Church- 
man. He had married a wife, a Roman Catholic, a woman 
of liigh culture and great cleverness, with a slight taste for 
intrigue. The Cardinal's secretary, Father Nugatius, was 
her intimate friend. It was a curious fact that many of the 
secrets of Mr. Sardonius found their way to the Cardinal, 
and that not a few of the Cardinal's views and wishes 
reached Mr. Sardonius. Thus one day, when the private 
secretary had received instructions in a number of matters, 
he inquired of the minister : 

" Have you heard of the meeting of Transmontane bishops 
and their resolution on the Episcopate question ? " 

" No," said Sardonius, pricking up his ears. " When did 
you hear of it. At the Club ? or in the House ? " 

"Well, the fact is, sir," replied the subordinate, ''that 
Father Nugatius was at my house last evening ; he is, you 
know, my wife's confessor, and he mentioned it to her, but 
it was under the seal of the strictest secrecy. I hardly 
know whether " 

"What did he say?" interrupted the minister, peremp- 
torily. 

•"He said the meeting was decidedly inclined in our 
favor." 



A WILLING SACRIFICE. 219 

" In favor of the Episcopate ? " 

" Yes. They seem to have discussed several questions. 
From what I could gather they were disposed to let the edu- 
cation question remain in abeyance ; and, as it appears some 
small sum of ^3,000 has been lost to them through the 
operation of the Mortmain Acts, they intend to appeal to 
the Government to abolish or modify them." 

"Three thousand pounds ! " said the acute minister, with 
a twinlding eye in his grave face. " Is that what Father 
Nugatius suggested to your wife as the extent of their losses 
and the measure of their ambition ? Had he said three- 
score thousand pounds he would be nearer the mark. But 
why should they raise that question just now ? It would be 
utterly useless. No Fogy minister could safely make such a 
proposal to his party." 

The minister's opinion was scarcely cold ere it reached 
His Eminence. Before thirty-six hours were gone he had 
also received unsatisfactory reports upon the frame of mind 
of the leading member of the Cabinet ; and in virtue of a 
good rule, and to follow a hopeless quest, he turned his at- 
tention exclusively to the Popular party. He found them 
already waiting for him. 

* * 
* 

VI. — A willing sacrifice. 

His Eminence was closeted with Sir Dudley Wrightman. 
The minister had been heard jto argue that the Church of 



LORD BANTAM. 



England was the purest embodiment of the rehgion of Christ, 
and the most soUd pillar of the State. If his views had un- 
dergone any modification, one must admit that to be a char- 
acteristic quality of views in general. The divergence of 
men from the principles tliey once held, is the effect of com- 
plications of influences so various, extending over periods 
so protracted, that it would be impossible for the bitterest 
cynic to detect the vanishing point of principle and the ini- 
tial point of corrupt motive. At this moment Sir Dudley, 
to tell the truth, would much rather have left the Episcopate 
alone. But he was in the bonds of party — and in the high- 
est circles of statemanship, party governs with a peremptory 
rein. It would be impossible to analyze all the reasons 
which would affect the judgment of men placed on the pin- 
nacle of power, and by their very position challenging the 
enthusiasm and confidence of a general public. 

That day Mr. Carnifex had abundantly satisfied his Chief 
that in the House itself the majority of the Populars were 
well disposed to the new reform. So many constituencies 
had pronounced for it that, except in a few cases of more 
than average independence, a large number of adherents 
was a matter of necessity. The Extremists being always in 
favor of change, would, he thought, be for the movement to 
a man. A few Prig Lords and some county Squires were 
represented to be still. In any reform of religion the Ob- 
structives were exceptionally strong, and specially so in the 
Lords. Mr. Carnpfex and others had given it as their opin- 
ion that the Transmontanes oould turn the scale. 



A NEW CHARTER. 



His Eminence was therefore closeted with the leader of 
the Opposition. 

* * 

VII. — Transmontane Reformers, 

At a second meeting of Transmontane ecclesiastics duly 
summoned, a pastoral was adopted calling upon all the flocks 
throughout the kingdom to aid the true Church of Christ 
and the cause of religious Freedom (!) by supporting with 
their prayers, their votes, and their influence, the great move- 
ment now going on for the deposition and humiliation of the 
hierarchy of an Apostate Church. 



VIII.— A New Charter. 

There was high excitement all over the country. The 
Houses of Parliament and the Clubs began to show signs of 
political fever. The constituencies were distracted with op- 
posing factions. The Bishops everywhere preached vigorously 
in their own favor. The dissenting clergy prayed fervently 
for the degradation of the Bishops. Among the working-men 
opinions were divided. While a knot of agitating leaders 
formed a committee to aid the anti-episcopate movement, 
large numbers of independent men sagaciously foresaw that 
this politico-religious agitation, in which they were only in- 
cidentally interested, might delay for many years the settle- 
ment of those measures which Mr. Sardonius's government 



LORD BANTAM, 



were ready to further. Among the dissentients was Mr. 
Broadbent, who took up the point so strongly that he urged 
the Social Anti-Climax League to make it one of their ques- 
tions, and insist on postponing the fate of the Bishops to that 
of the suffering people. 

He came to town to see Lord Bantam. 

" My lord," he said, " I am an old man. I have seen 
the country struggling through convulsions that among any 
other people would have been reigns of terror. There is 
danger about us now. The persistent Prig policy of plaster- 
ing and chivying the people is bearing its fruit in bitter dis- 
content—and now when we might have had something from 
Mr. Sardonius — we Avould take a good thing from the devil 
if he were prime minister — you are all going in for a new po- 
litical cry." 

" Well," said Bantam, " I am entirely with you in all you 
say — but what is to be done ? The Whigs are mad at their 
long exile from office — the Radicals are piping for some po- 
litical change— and the coimtry is perhaps getting tired of the 
monotony of a long-lived ministry." 

" Stump the country against this new folly, my lord. Join 
the Social Anti-Climax League, and attend its meetings all 
over the land. We can soon make the Prigs feel our 
power." 

After some hesitation Bantam went so far as to agree to 
attend a meeting in the district of Bellowsbury, and there, in 
a large hall carefully guarded, he was privately introduced to 
about a hundred members of the League. He then learned 



A NEW CHARTER. 223 

for the first time that Broadbent was its Grand President. 
He was struck with the abihty manifested by some of the 
speakers, especially two or three from the provinces, and 
was surprised to find how widely the association had ex- 
tended its branches through the country. This was a meet- 
ing of representatives for the purpose of framing a new 
charter and giving a new impetus to the League sentiments. 
After a discussion of several nights the conference agreed 
upon the following provisional points of the new charter of 
English rights : 

1. All men are equal: 

Titles are the impertinences of tyranny. 

2. Rights are equal :' 

Power is only legitimate when directed to equalize rights in 
fact. 

3. The Land is the People' s : 

Its enjoyment must no longer be monopolized. 

4. Work only deserves remiineration : 

Every worker is entitled of right to a decent house, ground 
sufficient for his maintenance, and a fixed income. 

5. // is the duty of the State to adopt and carry into effect the prin- 

ciples above set forth. 

SUPPLEMENTARY PROPOSITIONS. 

6. Labor is the Trice Aristocracy : the supremacy o"f labor must be 

acknowledged. 

7. The Capitalist is the tyrant : He must be blotted out of the social 

scheme. 

8. Land, Labor, Cooperation, Equalization — involving the trans- 

fgiiration of Labor and the regeneration of Society : these 
are the cardinal heads of the new political gospel — the charter 
of the liberties of mankind ! 

When after high debate these propositions had been sol- 



224 LORD BANTAM, 



emnly affirmed, the League pledged itself to advance them 
before all other Reforms. Broadbent pressed Lord Bantam 
to become a member of the Society. He at length yielded, 
and pledged himself to the new Charter. In a short time he 
began to appear at various demonstrations of workpeople in 
that nursery of agitation, the Middle Counties. 

* * 

IX. — Death and Sunshine. 

In the midst of these events, there suddenly intervened 
an incident, so strangely out of tune with the loud volcanic 
heat and motion of our hero's history, that, were we not all 
familiar with the wonders of life, I should shrink from intrud- 
ing its seemingly incongruous feature into these pages. But 
life will not adapt itself to the artist's ideal — or is it perhaps 
that we are not true artists who do not discern beneath the 
bizarre collations of events a hidden and divine symmetry ? 
Is not he who can most nearly draw the tangled and dis- 
tracted skeins together in some harmony of consequence, 
the man who will read life with the truest appreciation and 
the profoundest artistry ? 

On his return from a great meeting at Squirmingham, 
Sophronia informed her husband that Dr. Dulcis lay very 
ill ; that after several days of severe fever he remained so 
weak as to give his friends grave anxiety. Kelso had gone 
to his bedside and had tended him with sedulous care. She 
herself had sometimes relieved him, for a few hours, and 



DEATH AND SUNSHINE, 



225 



evidently this melancholy intercourse had been productive 
of some strong effect upon her. Bantam heard this with un- 
feigned regret. The quaint, gentle minister had, by his 
loving tenderness, his invulnerable breadth of charity, and the 
strong earnestness of his religious faith and practice, made 
no slight impression on the young man's heart. When, 
therefore, on the succeeding day, Kelso came to report that 
the poor minister, though he had recovered his mind, was 
clearly sinking, and had sent to ask Sophronia to visit him, 
the summons was answered by both Lord and Lady Bantam 
with very sad alacrity. 

The room in which Dr. Dulcis lay dying was a large one, 
with its outlook towards the square, the trees of which were 
a strange pleasure to him as they waved to and fro outside 
his windows. He had asked them to raise the blind that he 
might look once more on the gay spring sky, and the 

familiar branches, and the twinkling leaves. Kelso was there, 

and Mrs. Dulcis. 

" Those leaves," he was saying, " on their background 

of glorious blue, remind me of man on the panel of eternity. 

That never passes or alters, though clouds may intervene to 

darken it : these die and fail, and are blown away. 

Whither ? " 

" Ah ! " said Lord Bantam, as he and Sophronia silently 

saluted their friends, " Whither, Doctor Dulcis ? Who can 

answer that question ? " 

"Philosophy cannot, my dear young f;-iend," cried the 

Doctor. " Positivism declines to do it — Eclecticism strives 



226 LORD BANTAM, 



to ignore the question — and all men lie down before it and 
wonder." 

He paused a few minutes, gazing steadily into the outer 
light, and smiling to himself 

" I am looking out into the heavenly sunlight from the 
gloom of this room. This is a true emblem of our souls, 
prostrate, weak, helpless, hardly able to cry out, darkened 
in by the curtains of ignorance, folly and sin — and out there, 
There, the supernal sun-glow, immeasurable and everlast- 
ing ! " 

He turned to Lord and Lady Bantam. 

" My young friends," said he, "it is well that you, in the 
zenith of life and prosperity, and intellectual activities, should 
look upon this scene. Here am I stretched upon the rack 
of the inevitable. There is no Eclectic formula for our con- 
duct in the Valley of the Shadow of Death, except oblivious- 
ness and resignation. For me there is more — there is life 
and hope and peace. Christ is here with help and promise. 
Christ goes before and clears a shining way. I needed just 
now a friendly hand to draw yon curtain, and let in the ful- 
ness of the sunlight. So we all need the loving hand of 
Christ to unveil for us the curtained abysm of God's shining 
infinity — Christ only ! " These words he repeated several 
times, "Christ only." 

Bantam, respecting the dying man's enthusiasm, replied 
with a whisper of sympathy. 

Doctor Dulcis looked round for his children ; the haze was 
dimming his eyes. They were called in. The fair-crowned 



DEATH AND SUNSHINE. 227 

child of former days was now a fine young woman, and the 
velvet-coated boy had developed into a jacketed stripling, 
with student i:)aleness and melancholy eyes. As they all 
drew near his bedside, he gave them one by one his blessing, 
and charged them to meet him in heaven, with a confidence 
as great as he would have shown in engaging to meet them 
at the house of a friend. 

" Now, " said he, " sing our Sabbath hymn, Virginia. I 
cannot blow the bellows for you now, but you need no 
music ! I think I hear another organ playing, but it sounds 
far away. ' The sands of time are sinking.' " 

As he folded his hands on his bosom, and lay back on his 
pillow, the children set up softly, to a plaintive air, the song 
he had asked for : 



The sands of Time are sinking, 

The dawn of heaven breaks ; 
The summer morn I've sighed for. 

The fair, sweet morn awakes. 
Dark, dark hath been the midnight. 

But dayspring is at hand, 
And glorj', glory dwelleth 

In Immanuel's land. 



Just then a brighter smile transfigured his pale features as 
sudden sunlight glints over a cornfield. Mrs. Dulcis clasped 
her hands, and hung over him, looking eagerly down into 
the face that was upturned towards her and heaven. 
It was now only a Parian mask v/ith a stony smile. 
Doctor Dulcis was no longer there. 

Not a word was said. The widowed woman was weeping 



228 LORD BANTAM. 



in Sophronia's arms. Kelso had buried his face in the pil- 
low near which he had been leaning, and his hard northern 
frame shook with emotion. The choristers, divining the 
awful mystery, broke into sobs subdued by their fear. Ban- 
tam restrained himself only by a powerful effort, and finally 
rushed from the room. 

The Eclectic religion had its practical beauties, its bril- 
liant aesthetic attractions, its noble sentiments and principles, 
its healthy incredulities, but the young lord questioned in 
his soul that hour if it could ever make men face death as 
they would look upon sunshine and roses. 

* * 

X. — Party iJef-sus Principles. 

Lord Bantam's provincial exercitations began to create 
a prodigious feeling in the country. There never had been, 
the Prigs avowed, an instance of a man so unconscientiously 
faithless to party. Candid men might have said that it was 
rare nowadays to find a man so unselfishly faithful to prin- 
ciple. Mr. Carnifex, at the request of the Premier, went to 
Lord Ffowlsmere and told him what he knew better than 
Mr. Carnifex, that his son was spoiling the game, and must 
be silenced. The Earl, sending for the political prodigal, 
rating him most sternly, threatened him with his lasting re- 
sentment, if he did not keep quiet. 

" You cannot desert your party at such a time ! " cried 
the Earl. " It is unprecedented. It is indecent ! No one. 



PARTY VERSUS PRINCIPLES. 229 

not even the most Priggish young peacocks of party or the 
most discontented place-hunters, would think of setting their 
own opinions against those of their leaders in a crisis ! " 

" I am always deeply sorrowful to be obliged to disagree 
with you, my dear father ; but I see so clearly the nature 
of this agitation ; its utter hollowness and want of principle ; 
that nothing shall induce me, if you are determined to go 
on, to vote for the motion. This movement has been in- 
vented and fanned into life simply for one purpose, to place 
our party in power. I do the leaders, among them yourself, 
the justice to believe that you honestly consider this to be a 
paramount duty and the only hope of progress. But why 
should you evoke religious and political animosities at a 
time when a programme of social reform still lies unaccom- 
plished before the country ? Is it of greater importance that 
the lives of a hundred thousand persons, more or less, a year 
should be lost from neglect of sanitary legislation, and the 
regulation of mines, or the better inspection of factories, 
than that the symmetry of an ecclesiastical system should 
be made more perfect or more consonant with theoretical 
freedom by deposing a score of bishops ? " 

Granted the young lord was perverse, egotistic, and not 
amenable to discipline, it must be admitted that there was 
some method in his madness. 






230 LORD BANTAM, 



XI. — A Constitutional Crisis. 

The time was now deemed ripe by the Popular leaders to 
strike their blow, and Sir Dudley Wrightman gave notice 
of his intention to move that " In the opinion of the House, 
the present status and emolument of the bishops of the 
Church of England were inconsistent with civil and religious 
liberty ; and that an humble address be presented to Her 
Majesty praying that she would appoint a Commission to 
inquire into the present condition of the office of the 
Episcopate of the Church of England, and to take account 
of the endowments thereof, and to report upon the best 
means of referring the said office." 

Every nerve was strained on either side. When Sir 
Dudley Wrightman presented petitions from half the clergy 
of the Universities in favor of the reform, Mr. Sardonius 
brought into the House a vast memorial from a million of 
Obstructive working-men, who declared the Episcopate to be 
the Ifcdestar of their liberties. When a red-hot Obstructive 
procured the signatures of three hundred Wesleyan minis- 
ters in favor of bishoprics, an impertinent Radical came 
forward with a counter-petition from eighteen of the leading 
philosophers of the day. The Whips and their aides-de- 
camp on both sides were engaged in eager canvassing, and, 
I am born to tell, in making arrangements that would 
never have passed the keen criticism of an Election Judge, 
had they been the acts of simple attorneys or agents in a 



A CONSTITUTIONAL CRISIS. 23I 

local contest. Peremptory letters and telegrams brought 
home every available member, from America, from Egypt, 
from Algiers ; dying men from Mentone : hypochondriac 
legislators from the various "waters:" parliamentary 
sportsmen from Sweden : an Adaiiralty steam-yacht was 
put into requisition to hunt up a cruising party of Fogies : 
and the Populars arranged for the carriage to the division 
of a Parliamentary patient afflicted with small-pox, who was 
to be dressed in clothes steeped in the latest disinfectant. 
It is thus that in England preparations are made for the 
decision of great constitutional issues. 

One need not describe at length the debate on the motion. 
How on the critical evening the lobbies were thronged with 
members, and with eager hunters after the qualified treat of 
a seat in the gallery. How the police and doorkeepers 
made a rich harvest of sovereigns from persons unprovided 
with tickets, while those who had thoughtfully procured their 
orders a week beforehand cooled themselves in a row on a 
stone seat in St. Stephen's Hall, or heated themselves in 
altercations with the equally stony guardians of the portal. 
Sir Dudley Wrightman made a magnificent speech. It was 
three hours long. It traced the history of Episcopacy from 
the time of Peter and Judas. It reviewed the long line of 
the English hierarchy. It gave statistics of the value of 
each bishopric, and compared them with the number of 
souls cured by each bishop. It criticised the assumption of 
the present tenants. It pointed out how inconsistent those 
were with the modern ideas of liberty. It compared the 



232 LORD BANTAM, 



incubus of the Episcopacy upon the Church to the Old Man 
of the Mountain, and hinted thit the legs were none the less 
bearable from the fact of their being enveloped in silk stock- 
ings and gaiters. It showed the injustice done to the 
Tranomontane hierarchy by the inequality of their status, 
and finally it concluded with a grand peroration, in which 
the Church, no longer fanned to perilous somnolency by the 
silken wings of the black vampires which drew her life blood 
while they pleased her sense, should wake to new and 
glorious energies of being, etc. 

As soon as the motion had been seconded by Mr. Kitch- 
ingman, a rising politician, our hero rose, and amidst ringing 
and reiterated cheers from the Fogy benches, declared him- 
self in favor of the principles enunciated by his leader, but 
opposed to the motion. He denounced it as an ill-advised, 
ill-timed, and dangerous trifling with the interests of the 
body politic : he warned the House that in view of the 
uneasy symptoms exhibited by the working-classes, safety 
demanded immediate attention to far different legislation. 

" Let me try to show the House," said Bantam, shrewdly, 
"whereon the artisan discontent builds itself, and why it is 
taking the shape of bold revolutionary demand instead of 
constitutional procedure. Consider all the measures intro- 
. duccd into Parliament during the past ten years. How 
many there have been of a distinctive political character ! 
How many have dealt with the interests of the higher and 
middle classes. And how many acts of beneficent legisla- 
tion have been modified, crippled, or postponed altogether 



A CONSTITUTIONAL CRISIS. 233 

in the same selfish interests ! Education — the education 
for these very classes, granted to them at length, it is true, 
but granted to them upon terms they do not approve, 
granted to them subject to modifications introduced in the 
interests of bigotry. Had this House been constituted with 
a due share of artisan representation, is it possible that that 
scheme could ever have received the assent of Parliament ? 
We undertook, we, a select body of aristocrats, manufac- 
turers, and stock-jobbers, undertook to legislate for the 
associations which are formed for self-preservation, and to 
uphold the rights of labor. To you these seem tyrannical 
instruments of compulsion, but you forget that the inordinate 
and natural advantages of capital in this country enabled it 
to hold labor in iron hands, and to press it down with h}^- 
draulic force, and that if the balance is at all better adjusted, 
it is due to these associations. Yet when you are appealed 
to for a generous concession to them of such rights and 
privileges as are accorded to any commercial association, 
you testify your fear of what you are obliged to concede 
with one hand, by threatening with the other ! Again, take 
another case, you proclaim the dogma of Government non- 
intervention in many hopeful utilitarian projects, but you 
turn round upon friendly associations framed for mutual 
help, and abnegating yaur own doctrine that men should 
take care of themselves, you most inconsistently organize 
an inquisitorial machinery to protect, as you protect, artisans 
from cheating each other. Where you can do anything, you 
fail ; when you see your way to interfere in anything with a 



234 LORD BANTAM, 



hope of acquiring greater power, you are too quick for 
action. From year to year you suffer thousands of hves to 
remain subjected to terrible, hourly danger — a danger every 
now and then culminating in some awful catastrophe, too 
often the result of the diabolical selfishness, niggardliness, 
and indifference of men rolling in money, regarding more 
the interests of their cattle than the well-being and safety of 
those whose labors win their wealth. So, in a hundred 
ways, you defeat, you disconcert, you grind down, you 
obstruct, you madden the surging masses, and no wonder 
they feel themselves to be driven to but one remedy — the 
remedy of Continental reformers — a revolution. It is not 
necessary, I believe, that ample capacities of good style lie 
in our time-honored constitution ; but, sir, for God's sake, 
I call upon every lover of his country, and every lover of 
himself, to make the House more flexible ; make your 
policy less rigid ; bring it more into sympathy with the 
great millions outside — or look out for your lives ! " 

One must admit that there was a good deal of fluent Kel- 
soism in this speech. The House heard it with curiosity. 
The Fogies during the debate made a good deal out of it, 
but, though not a few Populars in their secret consciences 
went with the too impulsive orator, the claims of party and 
their own interest tied them down to their predetermined 
votes. On the third night of the debate, after a terribly 
r.arcastic speech from Mr. Sardonius and a fine reply from 
his rival, the Ministry were defeated by the small majority of 
nine, and resolved to appeal to tlie country. 



A CONSTITUTIONAL CRISIS. 235 

Meanwhile colliery explosions continued to blow their 
scores at a time of human machines into cinders, leaving 
ample families to supply objects of charity to the ratepayers : 
big brewers or distillers, and little publicans continued to 
fatten on the blown corpses of the prey they pursued with 
unrestricted license ; men and women perished in filth and 
effluvia, carefully maintained for the purpose of assisting their 
exit from aAvorld of rates and taxes by thoughtful "guardians 
of the poor:" an epidemic, sweeping over the Continent, 
waved its black flag across the Channel towards the hopeful 
fields where no legislation and the principles of Magna 
Charta combined to invite its attack : and the navy, the 
guardian of the honor and existence of free England, was 
left to be reformed in the face of the enemy. 

It is thus that party government, amidst its rivalries and 
throes, jerks aside to chance, or delay, or oblivion, the 
precious interests of millions, and discounts, at increasing 
usury, the dwindling possibilities of social conservation. 



* * 



PART VIIL 

HOW HE CAME TO HIS ESTATE. 
I. — The ruling passion strong in death. 

While this great movement was j^ending, and Lord Ban- 
tam at Shufflestravv Caslle was concerting with Broadbent 
measures that would liave led to the conversion of that feu- 
dal domain into a middle-age community, the noble prole- 
tarian was suddenly summoned to London by the informa- 
tion that the Earl had had a seizure, and was lying in a pre- 
carious state at the town mansion. The young lord's feel- 
ings as he pursued his rapid journey to the metropolis were 
naturally tumultuous. It seemed as if all he had been do- 
ing had been done without reference to the contingency 
irresistibly suggested to his mind. So often do we act with 
one eye blinded to contingencies of our existence ! . 

When he reached the house in Hiton Place, the aspect 
of old Trayfoot was far from reassuring. 

" The Earl is very ill, my lord : there are two doctors 
with him now. He recovered consciousness about an hour 
since, but his weakness gives great alarm. The Countess is 
with him, my lord." 

Entering the ante-room, the young lord signed to one of 
the physicians, who coming out gave his hand a peculiar 
pressure. 

" You must go in, my lord. He has asked for you two 
or three times." 



RULING PASSION STRONG IN DEATH. 237 



The Earl, noticing the doctor's movement mth the quick 
susceptibility of illness, said : 

" Is Albert come ? " 

Lord Bantam went forward. His mother holding the 
Earl's hand, looked at her husband with the firmness of a 
true woman, but with a pallid face. Her white hair and 
clear-cut features seemed to shine with a sort of silver lio-ht 
in the shadowy room. 

As Lord Bantam took his other hand, the Earl's features 
lighted up, and for a moment or two wore the aspect so fa- 
miliar to frequenters of the House of Peers when he was 
about to address them in a great debate. 

"Albert," he said, "you will soon be Lord Ffowls- 

mere " The Countess could not restrain the hand that 

softly stayed his lips; but the Earl went on. "Yes, I 
know it is coming — it has come at last. You have latterly 
given me some anxiety. I deeply and sincerely regretted 
the wildness of your opinions, because I knew the time 
would come when you must give them up. I knew it was 
coming — it was coming " 

Lord Bantam remained silent, and watched with a fasci- 
nated gaze the weak breathings of the old Earl as he paused 
for a few moments. 

" I think you have gone too far," he continued. " I 
never objected to your thinking for yourself A young man 
is none the worse for being original and active ; but there is 
no excuse for being revolutionary. I wished to see and 
warn you before I died. You are about to succeed," he 



238 LORD BANTAM. 



went on with a firm, proud voice, " to the richest title in 
England — be worthy of it. A i^eer cannot be a proletarian. 
You would be judicious to acquiesce in the progressive ten- 
dencies of the day ; but with the interests we have at stake, 
we cannot afford to do more than acquiesce. You will learn 
that it is your interest to follow the people, not to prompt 
them. Believe me, on my dying bed I solemnly tell you, 
the policy of my life has been a Prig policy — and the Prig 
policy is the safety of the aristocracy of this kingdom. I 
had hoped to see you take the lead in that policy. Yes ! " 
said the Earl with sudden vehemence and raising his voice, 
" I say, my lords, that I am prepared to defend to the 
death that policy by which the ancient institutions of this 
nation are upheld in safety, while reform pursues its course 

with secure, moderate and gradual footsteps. I say " 

The strained voice dropped, and in a moment the Count- 
ess's arm was under the white head, and it lay with closed 
eyes upon her shoulder For a mo- 
ment the lips moved. It was only a whisper. 

" There was a rich merchant in Rotterdam, 
And every morning he said — " 

But Earl Ffowlsmere never said " I am" again. 

The new Earl, clad in a simple suit of black, was sitting 
in that study into which Trayfoot, nearly twent} -five years 
before,, had precipitately borne the announcement of his 
birth to the man now lying dead in the chamber above. 

Trayfoot, gray and portly, in the blackest black, was also 



RULING PASSION STRONG IN DEATH. 239 

there. The young Peer was surrounded by papers. In his 
hand he held a well-covered sheet of foolscap. 

" This estimate of Booking's, Trayfoot, is very excessive. 
I hope," said he, looking hard at the butler, "you have not 
arranged to take a commission on my father's funeral ? " 

" Certainly not, your lordship," said Trayfoot, rather in- 
dignantly. " Those people never pay commissions." 

" Then," said the Earl, " this bill is extortionate. It 
makes the honor of a burial in Westminster Abbey altogether 
too dear. Seven hundred and seventy pounds^! Twenty- 
five guineas for the hearse : ten guineas for the use of a ' vel- 
vet pall, satin lined : ' ' two hundred and ten silk hatbands,' 
at thirty shillings each ! What do you think of it ? " 

''It's extortionate, as your lordship says : but they never 
alter their estimates, I'm told." 

Trayfoot had in fact demanded of the undertakers one 
per cent, on their bill, which they had curtly refused. His 
concurrence with the young Earl's opinion was therefore 
genuine. 

" Well, now," said our hero, sighing, " I desire every re- 
spect to be paid to my honored father's memory, and nearly 
the whole of the Ministry will be at his funeral, therefore I 
suppose we must accept this estimate." 

" They said, my lord, that an estimate for a funeral in 
Westminster Abbey was very unusual, and that they only 
gave it in consideration of your lordship's high position, but 
they would not be bound by it within a few hundred pounds 
or so." 



240 LORD BANTAM. 



Trayfoot was having his revenge. 

" Oh ! they said that, did they ? But this estimate I see 
is signed by them — and I shall hold them strictly to it. 
They have clearly put down double the number of hatbands 
that will be required. I wish you therefore on the day of 
the funeral to keep a strict watch, and take a memorandum 
of the number actually supplied. You will also be good 
enough to count the number of attendants and servitors. 
My father must be buried without regard to expense, but I 
will not be imposed upon." 

The funeral over, and Messrs. Bookings' bill triumphantly 
reduced by a clearly proved overcharge of 167/., which made 
them regret their parsimony to Trayfoot, the Earl and Count- 
ess, with their children, left London for Shufflestraw Castle. 
There for a week the young Peer gave himself up to a mas- 
tery of the whole of the estate accounts. It was some satis- 
faction to find that his father's unrivalled business powers 
had left him nothing to criticise. 

He was one day surprised by an intimation from his ser- 
vants, that a large body of rough-looking men, headed by 
Broadbent, had passed the East Lodge and was approaching 
the Castle. The Earl imnjediately sent off a groom to the 
Ffowlsmere Police Station, asking that a detachment of the 
force might be sent to the Castle. All the males employed 
in the Castle or surrounding grounds were collected and 
hastily armed. They were, however, disposed out of sight. 
As the proletarians, marching three abreast, turned the last 
curve of the avenue towards the great gate of the Castle, the 



RULING PASSION STRONG IN DEATH. 24I 

Earl, accompanied by Trayfoot and a stalwart servitor, de- 
scended to the steps which led to the drawbridge and awaited 
the arrival of his unwelcome visitors. His appearance was 
greeted by a ringing cheer, which spite of himself agitated 
him greatly. It seemed to be a joyous knell at his father's 
death. Drawing them up opposite the steps, their leader, 
remaining covered, approached Lord Ffowlsmere and famil- 
iarly offered him his hand, whifh the other took with silent 
and cold placidity. 

" I sympathize deeply with your loss, my brother citizen," 
said the old man. " Humanity is the same everywhere, and 
rank foregoes no sorrow. But the past is past. Let the 
dead bury their dead. Life is in the present and before us. 
We now have to deal with the fact of your auspicious suc- 
cession to the dignities and possessions of your father. On 
this we have come to congratulate you and ourselves and the 
people of England." 

A faint blush passed over the Earl's face as he silently 
bowed an acknowledgment. 

" We have communicated with our friends throughout the 
county, and have drawn up an address, which this deputa- 
tion is here to present on behalf of the Social Anti-Climax 
League." 

Once more the Earl saw Broadbent draw forth those 
broad-rimmed spectacles and unfold a sheet of proletarian 
paper. Once more did the old man's gruff voice read to him, 
with uncouth emphasis, a proletarian address. It was — 



242 LORD BANTAM 



'■'■From the Presidents, Vice-Presidents, Councils, and 
Associates of the *■ Social Anti-Climax League^ of the 
People of England, to their fellow-citizen, Albert Au- 
gitstns Adolphiis Loftns Cicely Chester Bantam, com- 
monly called Lord Bantam, and 710W termed Earl of 
Ffowlsmere." 

It stated that as brethren of one " whom we hold in high 
regard, Ave heartily express our sympathies with you in the 
severe and sudden family affliction which has befallen you ; 
and we trust that you will be sustained in it by that pure 
and high philosophy, which, recognizing in every event the 
movement of the inevitable, rests in the supreme dignity of 
resignation." 

It proceeded to congratulate him on the attainment of a 
position which would enable him to carry out practically the 
principles he had so nobly professed. It referred to the 
propositions of the Bellowsby Charter. It reminded him that 
he had declared his adhesion to them, and concluded thus : 
" We, therefore, your brother-citizens and associates in 
the League, relying on your hoftesty and sincerity, in- 
vite and pray you to take the lead in the new, great 
social movement for the transfiguration of Labor and 
the regeneration of Society." 

The Earl received the address with some embarrassment. 
Immediately facing him was the sturdy trunk and leonine 
head of the old shoemaker, and below his late associates in 



RULING PASSION STRONG IN DEATH. 243 

the League, all waiting for him to take the lead in the trans- 
figuration of Labor. He hesitated. 

" Well, my lord," said Broadbent, " we wait your answer. 
Surely you have made up your mind. We are prepared to 
follow you to the death." 

" No doubt — a — Mr. — Broadbent ; but, Mr.— Broadbent 
and my good friends, I — I — have lately had to reconsider 
the subject of this address with some care, and — in fact, gen- 
tlemen — I have seen reason to change my opinion." 



FINIS. 



